Support for difficult divorce

[Anonymous]

I am going through a devastating and unexpected divorce and am struggling emotionally as I make all the steps I have to make to start over. I am in therapy and have good friends who are lending a listening ear. I am reading books and trying to meditate and do self care. But I am still spinning my wheels to process and deal.

Does anyone have a recommendation for a forum or virtual support group or similar -- really, something like DCUM but for divorce -- that I might check out or join to find some more support for myself?

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

There are reddit groups for separation and divorce. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It gets better.

[Anonymous]

I haven't done it because of time constraints but the activities that seem the most interesting are from the group New Beginnings
https://www.newbeginningsusa.org/

I did try DivorceCare but only liked the videos, not the group interaction or the leader. You can sign up to just get the online information and those videos are comprehensive and take you through the process of healing step by step. In the group though, the leader spent the entire time talking about himself and trying to get everyone not to divorce and he was the one who had had the affair and was irrational at home and his wife took him back, so the entire conversation was around how he changed and then changed his wife. And then there were people that just monopolized the conversation talking randomly about things unrelated to divorce with no real questions, just venting. There was no structure.

[Anonymous]

I liked divorce care org. The guy in NOva Annandale area was wonderful. Free. I’m not religious and will never be

I really liked womens resource center
I took their offered classes. Great content and value and community. I donated back to them when I was back on my feet.

I had the worst most spectacular divorce. It got better

[Anonymous]

So maybe it depends on what group leader you get in divorcecare.org ? That seems true it’s all volunteer as far as I know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are reddit groups for separation and divorce. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It gets better.

NP. Have you been on specific Reddit groups for this, PP? I would avoid Reddit entirely as it's the Wild West, the moderation is generally useless at weeding out trolls, and it can become extremely toxic, extremely quickly, on many topics. Unless you know of a very specific, kind, non-toxic subreddit--I would not advise anyone to turn to Reddit for serious life advice or emotional support of any kind. And I say that as someone who is on there frequently but NOT for anything involving real-life needs and support. OP, try divorcecare as some are mentioning.

[Anonymous]

Limit your conversations with attorneys. They were bad advisors for matters dealing with …life. Business books say the same thing.

Also, they spoke to my worst nature (think of that cartoon devil on your shoulder) during the worst period of my life. Probably not ALL are like this, like most things

But attorneys strong financial incentive to create conflict is real. that was my felt experience. Meanwhile, you might have to live with the guy/gal for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Limit your conversations with attorneys. They were bad advisors for matters dealing with …life. Business books say the same thing.

Also, they spoke to my worst nature (think of that cartoon devil on your shoulder) during the worst period of my life. Probably not ALL are like this, like most things

But attorneys strong financial incentive to create conflict is real. that was my felt experience. Meanwhile, you might have to live with the guy/gal for the rest of your life.

Totally agree. Spend a good 3-6 months trying to divorce without them.

[Anonymous]

You can do short consultations with attorneys on the steps required and what is recommended. There are also specialists that help with dividing up money but they aren't attorneys.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a great question to ask your therapist.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered a divorce coach, OP? I do not have one but I follow a few on IG.

[Anonymous]

The one piece that I would add to whomever said try 3-6 negotiations months on your own. I generally agree, however:

First, try to heal yourself. You went/are going thr the worst spilt of your life. You are raw and may be a wreck. (I was).

Take steps you need to heal. Take as much time as you need. You control the timeline if you want.

Then try to deal with the money/property. get your arms around your “stuff” (what, it’s value etc). Not hard to do. Assets are too fancy a word for most of us.

The stuff isn’t going anywhere.The courts are there to protect you. They will. Most D Attorneys (that sorry lot) will tell you properly divisions are cut and dried. Don’t fill your mind with the what ifs and the unique little rules, that probably don’t apply to most people.

[Anonymous]

After healing, I kept a list of what I wanted and spreadsheets. Enlist your friends for their thoughts and analysis

[Anonymous]

all online

[Anonymous]

(how to is online)