12 yo says mom gets “physical” with her

[Anonymous]

Divorced in 2015. Joint legal custody but mom has primary physical custody. Kid and mom don’t always get along (and mom has been behaving increasingly erratically). Do you think a 12 yo would make up abuse to get out of mom’s house?

[Anonymous]

want to add these allegations are new—revealed to therapist last week.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t the therapist a mandated reporter?

[Anonymous]

Assuming you are the Dad you should k is your own kid. We can’t answer that for you.

[Anonymous]

What does that mean?

[Anonymous]

Getting physical might not mean abuse. It could mean grabbing for instance. I’d be more worried about the erratic behavior.

Teen girls and their moms often struggle. I’ve seen teen girls go live with their dads during that time. Can she spend more time at her dads to take some pressure off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting physical might not mean abuse. It could mean grabbing for instance. I’d be more worried about the erratic behavior.

Teen girls and their moms often struggle. I’ve seen teen girls go live with their dads during that time. Can she spend more time at her dads to take some pressure off?

Thanks, you’re right—I suspect it isn’t legally considered abuse but more grabbing to move kid out of the way, etc. But I don’t know. Kid is waiting for me (dad) to join next therapy session because she’s very scared to talk about it.

We’re currently petitioning for more time, mom hasn’t been served yet. All amicable requests for more time with dad have been shut down so now we have to do it the hard and expensive way. Plus mom wants to move kid into an RV and homeschool her…

I just know mom is going to go BALLISTIC and probably accuse me of parental alienation. She’s also accused kid of being a liar about more innocuous things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting physical might not mean abuse. It could mean grabbing for instance. I’d be more worried about the erratic behavior.

Teen girls and their moms often struggle. I’ve seen teen girls go live with their dads during that time. Can she spend more time at her dads to take some pressure off?

Thanks, you’re right—I suspect it isn’t legally considered abuse but more grabbing to move kid out of the way, etc. But I don’t know. Kid is waiting for me (dad) to join next therapy session because she’s very scared to talk about it.

We’re currently petitioning for more time, mom hasn’t been served yet. All amicable requests for more time with dad have been shut down so now we have to do it the hard and expensive way. Plus mom wants to move kid into an RV and homeschool her…

I just know mom is going to go BALLISTIC and probably accuse me of parental alienation. She’s also accused kid of being a liar about more innocuous things.

Judge will not let mom take kid out of school and state.
It’s good there is a therapist to give a third party objective account of things.

But I also doubt a judge will give dad more time if he already has 50/50. Probably not worth going to court for, and as stated will only escalate things with the other parent.

An alternative idea is to try to find camps and activities that get daughter out of moms house more but that aren’t perceived as a threat to the mom. Offer to pay for them without modifying child support if you have to. Yes it sucks and is unfair but remember the goal is to create the most stable/positive outcome for your kid.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It's 2023. Kid should set up camera in background recording an encounter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting physical might not mean abuse. It could mean grabbing for instance. I’d be more worried about the erratic behavior.

Teen girls and their moms often struggle. I’ve seen teen girls go live with their dads during that time. Can she spend more time at her dads to take some pressure off?

Thanks, you’re right—I suspect it isn’t legally considered abuse but more grabbing to move kid out of the way, etc. But I don’t know. Kid is waiting for me (dad) to join next therapy session because she’s very scared to talk about it.

We’re currently petitioning for more time, mom hasn’t been served yet. All amicable requests for more time with dad have been shut down so now we have to do it the hard and expensive way. Plus mom wants to move kid into an RV and homeschool her…

I just know mom is going to go BALLISTIC and probably accuse me of parental alienation. She’s also accused kid of being a liar about more innocuous things.

Who is the "we" in "we're"? Is it you and DD or you and DD's Stepmom? Because if it's the latter, I'd tread VERY carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting physical might not mean abuse. It could mean grabbing for instance. I’d be more worried about the erratic behavior.

Teen girls and their moms often struggle. I’ve seen teen girls go live with their dads during that time. Can she spend more time at her dads to take some pressure off?

Thanks, you’re right—I suspect it isn’t legally considered abuse but more grabbing to move kid out of the way, etc. But I don’t know. Kid is waiting for me (dad) to join next therapy session because she’s very scared to talk about it.

We’re currently petitioning for more time, mom hasn’t been served yet. All amicable requests for more time with dad have been shut down so now we have to do it the hard and expensive way. Plus mom wants to move kid into an RV and homeschool her…

I just know mom is going to go BALLISTIC and probably accuse me of parental alienation. She’s also accused kid of being a liar about more innocuous things.

Who is the "we" in "we're"? Is it you and DD or you and DD's Stepmom? Because if it's the latter, I'd tread VERY carefully.

Who is the "we" in "we're"? Is it you and DD or you and DD's Stepmom? Because if it's the latter, I'd tread VERY carefully.

[Anonymous]

“We’re”=kid wants more time with me. I do have a new wife who is happy to have my child around.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are manipulating your daughter into more time. If you want 50-50 great, but don't put her in the middle of it and make her pick sides.

[Anonymous]

OP, how unhappy is your DD at her mom’s house and how much does she want out? Why is she unhappy?
Your words about RV and homeschooling do have me concerned (I am a child of somewhat off the grid parents and I hated that life, I do think it’s a form of abuse or at least kids need a way out if they prefer).
However if it’s something trivial like mom is more strict or has a smaller house… it’s important not to undermine the mom.
About getting physical - nowadays kids are super protective of their bodies (not saying it’s a bad thing) and even a slight push or drag can be perceived as “abuse”. Kudos to the therapist who didn’t run immediately to report it if it wasn’t actually abuse.
Overall: tread lightly. Don’t be someone who depraved your ex of a good life and now are stealing her child, too. But also don’t be like my dad who didn’t think it was a bad environment for us when growing up and never thought of leaving.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Kids can claim abuse just because it gets everyone’s ears perked up but unless you know there is actual physical abuse, I’d be careful as it looks like you’re trying alienate child from mom—especially in light of your petition for more time.