DH and Mom Can’t Get Along

[Anonymous]

I love my DH and my mom. And they each get along well with others. But they just CANNOT get along with each other. They both take immediate offense to anything the other does “wrong.” Ex: DH gets visibly annoyed by any drip on the kitchen counter, assumes it was my mom (usually is, but it’s always hardly noticeable). My mom doesn’t understand DH’s dry humor and takes offense to everything he says. Nothing is ever “that bad,” but they both blow things way out of proportion. Now my mom refuses to stay with us, insisting on staying in a hotel when she visits to be around DH less. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells the entire time they’re together. I have tried talking to both of them, but neither one will let things go or give the other the benefit of the doubt. Is there any solution here? Or do I just need to accept the fact that I can’t make them get along?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can go visit your mom. Without DH.

[Anonymous]

Let her stay in a hotel. Tell DH to zip it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. The solution is for your Mom to stay in a hotel as she suggested. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

How long are your mother’s visits? Can’t your DH behave himself for a few days?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you definitely need to accept that they don't get along. The hotel is a great idea! By you can also ask your husband to go easy on your mom (really, he cares about a drip?) and to try to skip the humor with her. Blame it on her being over-sensitive or something, but ask if he can help make it possible for you to spend time with her.

[Anonymous]

Someone doesn't like their mother-in-law? How odd!

[Anonymous]

My BIL (sisters DH) and my mom used to really get on each other’s nerves and it was awkward to be around. In fairness my mom is super difficult. Anyway, BIL discovered that getting pleasantly stoned before she came over with the answer! Now he’s just all about giving the love.

[Anonymous]

the entire time they’re together.

TOO much togetherness. See your Mom by yourself.
The family - all together - 2 hrs at most, a few times a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL (sisters DH) and my mom used to really get on each other’s nerves and it was awkward to be around. In fairness my mom is super difficult. Anyway, BIL discovered that getting pleasantly stoned before she came over with the answer! Now he’s just all about giving the love.

I have been reading this site for 11 years and this is the first time I have seen this very practical solution to this ubiquitous problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

the entire time they’re together.

TOO much togetherness. See your Mom by yourself.
The family - all together - 2 hrs at most, a few times a year.

+100 he married you not your mama. Without you he’d have nothing to do with her. And that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her stay in a hotel. Tell DH to zip it.

It's his house too and he doesn't need to "zip" it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

the entire time they’re together.

TOO much togetherness. See your Mom by yourself.
The family - all together - 2 hrs at most, a few times a year.

+100 he married you not your mama. Without you he’d have nothing to do with her. And that’s ok.

OP. Thank you both. We had a baby earlier this year (my mom’s first grandchild) and that has certainly exacerbated the problem with too many visits. She lives 6 hours away, so seeing each other for 2 hours only isn’t realistic, but I’ve been working on limiting the number of visits, which I hope will help. And maybe the hotel will too.

Also thanks for the reality check—I don’t need them to be besties, just civil.

[Anonymous]

The old "she doesn't get my humor!" excuse.

Translation: she doesn't, because it's not meant as a joke. He's being mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her stay in a hotel. Tell DH to zip it.

It's his house too and he doesn't need to "zip" it.

He doesn’t need to act like an a$$hole.