Buying gifts for inlaws--whose job?

[Anonymous]

Niece on DHs side is having a baby. I've asked him multiple times to send something from the registry. He keeps "forgetting." Same thing happens for any birthday, holiday, wedding, etc. I nag a bunch. Then either I break down and purchase the gifts. Or we end up not sending or not sending on time, and look like jerks. Same applies to birthday cards, father's day cards, etc.
Just venting, but curious how many moms buy all the gifts and cards for spouse's family.

[Anonymous]

I consider this my husband's job and I remind him of that. If he forgets/doesn't follow through, that's on him.

[Anonymous]

DH buys for his family. I buy for mine.
We’re both busy people

[Anonymous]

I usually did it, until my MIL accused me of extravagantly spending "my husband's money" when I handed her a present. I didn't break it to her that I've outearned her son every year of our marriage, but I stopped buying anything more.

[Anonymous]

It is his responsibility but, that's marriage. You make up for each other's shortcomings. Hopefully there are things he is doing that support you, too.

[Anonymous]

If it's going to reflect poorly on you as a family, just buy it. Otherwise, you know the gifts will never be bought and sent when left to people with an irresponsible husband. I love my nephews from DH side, so I always buy them gifts in these cases.

[Anonymous]

DH handles his family and I handle mine with rare exceptions. It may mean that they get things late or not at all. I don't track it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I consider this my husband's job and I remind him of that. If he forgets/doesn't follow through, that's on him.

This.

I used to be the one planning and shopping and wrapping and generally felt under appreciated by both DH and ILs. I dropped the rope.

I would still remind DH, but he’d often forget. A couple years ago he decided to tell ILs we wouldn’t be doing adult gifts anymore, and we’d instead just do nice dinners or experiences, so I guess he hated the mental load and decided to drop the rope, too!

[Anonymous]

Drop the rope. My DH asked me to buy his mom flowers for Mother’s Day - ah, nope. It’s easy for this creep to occur: first it’s Mother’s Day flowers, then it’s birthday cards, then it’s every damn thing on his side. Just ignore - it’s not your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually did it, until my MIL accused me of extravagantly spending "my husband's money" when I handed her a present. I didn't break it to her that I've outearned her son every year of our marriage, but I stopped buying anything more.

We made it all the way to the third post until someone gratuitously bashed her MIL. A new record!

BORING

[Anonymous]

I always send a check electronically. I know when it has been cashed and I have the receipt of every gift I have sent.

[Anonymous]

My DH is also responsible for making sure the kids write thank you notes to his side of the family.

[Anonymous]

DH is a terrible gift giver so it's almost always me on both sides of the family. Other than his dad--it's always golf stuff so he picks that out.

I don't even let him buy me things--I will just end up returning them unless I specifically pick it out. I would hate to see what he came up with his mother. Better that I just do it. Plus his mom has great taste so she's fun to shop for!

[Anonymous]

I (wife) am in charge of all gifts/cards for both sides of the family. I don't mind this because there are things my DH handles 100% - ex. all kid medical and dental appointments and camp/activity sign-ups. It works for us. It wouldn't work he wasn't otherwise pulling his weight with family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually did it, until my MIL accused me of extravagantly spending "my husband's money" when I handed her a present. I didn't break it to her that I've outearned her son every year of our marriage, but I stopped buying anything more.

She was incredibly rude! I don’t blame you one bit for never buying her anything again.

I have no problem buying for my in-laws and in law Family. I just need him to remind me to do it because birthdays, anniversaries, and giftgiving events are not something I have in mind. Likewise, there’s been a few times where he has saved me by reminding me of one of my nieces or nephews birthday on my side. For my mom‘s birthday, it was my husband who bought the gift because he saw some thing that he knew my mom would enjoy. I suppose in my marriage I take on the typical role of the man who forgets giftgiving dates where as my husband is much more aware of those types of dates.