Kid often says I am late to pick her up

[Anonymous]

3 to 4 days out of a week, she will say that I am late to pick her up and ask for why. She is one of the last few kids to be picked up in classroom and I tell her many time that I am not too late and I cannot pick her up earlier due to work. It has been going on for months, and she has attended thos daycare for 2 plus years.

That makes me feel some guilt. What is better way for me to respond to her to flip the table to change it into happier atmosphere pickup. She is not sad or cry, but I feel a bit of blame from her. I try to pick her up before daycare closing in 5 minutes

[Anonymous]

"It sounds like you miss me when you see all the other kids getting picked up and you have to wait and wait. You wish you could be one of the first ones picked up. I miss you too and also wish I could pick you up earlier. It's hard to miss people we love, isn't it?"

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't feel guilty if she's not sad about it. Maybe agree with her that yes, she is one of the later kids that is picked up. This is what she is actually seeing, which is different from "you were supposed to pick her up earlier but you arrived late."

Is she old enough to teach her how to tell time or show her where the hands on the clock are when you'll return for her?

[Anonymous]

The latest kids to get picked up at my kid's daycare (which sometimes includes her) get to take home the leftover snacks! Perks!

I would acknowledge it but be direct. "I miss you at the end of the day too and I can't wait to see you! But Mom has to work and it takes time to get to your school. Can you [XYZ fun play activity-legos, etc.] until I get there?"

[Anonymous]

Also this is what happens when companies push RTO and daycares don't go back to pre-COVID hours....ask me how I know. You are not a bad parent. This stupid system is just not set up for us F/T working moms to succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 to 4 days out of a week, she will say that I am late to pick her up and ask for why. She is one of the last few kids to be picked up in classroom and I tell her many time that I am not too late and I cannot pick her up earlier due to work. It has been going on for months, and she has attended thos daycare for 2 plus years.

That makes me feel some guilt. What is better way for me to respond to her to flip the table to change it into happier atmosphere pickup. She is not sad or cry, but I feel a bit of blame from her. I try to pick her up before daycare closing in 5 minutes

Tell her you are not late until after a specific time. It doesn't matter if other kids get picked up first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also this is what happens when companies push RTO and daycares don't go back to pre-COVID hours....ask me how I know. You are not a bad parent. This stupid system is just not set up for us F/T working moms to succeed.

I hate RTO as well but that isn't what this is about..oP doesn't say th daycare is closing early. It's just that most other parents are picking up their kids earlier than she is. Probably because those parents WFH and OP is RTO more of the time.

OP I wonder if you can have one day a week where you do pick her up earlier and it's a special day? Maybe alternate dropoff with DH or some other way to coordinate it? Otherwise this is just the usual mom guilt we all deal with and no real solution. Gah.

[Anonymous]

Just here to commiserate. So much mom guilt. Barely keeping my head above water and it feels so insufficient still.

[Anonymous]

I hated being picked up last as a child, it made me feel so awful, especially when I had to sit with the teacher after all the kids left. I would try to pick her up early one day a week and make that extra special.

[Anonymous]

I think if you pick her up early one day a week she's not going to understand why you can't do that everyday. Too confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you pick her up early one day a week she's not going to understand why you can't do that everyday. Too confusing.

She’s only little for so long and she wants her mother. She’s not a soldier. Do what you can to pick her up earlier, even if it’s just once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you pick her up early one day a week she's not going to understand why you can't do that everyday. Too confusing.

She’s only little for so long and she wants her mother. She’s not a soldier. Do what you can to pick her up earlier, even if it’s just once a week.

Well I certainly agree she wants her mother and is not a soldier. If she was my kid she wouldn't even be in daycare but that's another story. I still say that a young child will mostly not be able to understand why mom can show up early some days but not others. Seems to me it could do more to provoke anxiety than to help the situation.

[Anonymous]

We went through this too. Then a couple of months later my hours changed and I picked DS up earlier than everyone else. Then I got...Why do you pick me up so early? I want to keep playing with my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It sounds like you miss me when you see all the other kids getting picked up and you have to wait and wait. You wish you could be one of the first ones picked up. I miss you too and also wish I could pick you up earlier. It's hard to miss people we love, isn't it?"

Correct. Just help her name what she is feeling and that’s will help her get past it. Don’t try to use logic as a response. Read “how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk” - it is a classic for a reason and covers situations exactly like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you pick her up early one day a week she's not going to understand why you can't do that everyday. Too confusing.

She’s only little for so long and she wants her mother. She’s not a soldier. Do what you can to pick her up earlier, even if it’s just once a week.

Well I certainly agree she wants her mother and is not a soldier. If she was my kid she wouldn't even be in daycare but that's another story. I still say that a young child will mostly not be able to understand why mom can show up early some days but not others. Seems to me it could do more to provoke anxiety than to help the situation.

Oh my. Fortunately kids are more resilient AND more capable of understanding things than either of you seem to know!!