AITA for not feeding my college children

[Anonymous]

I WFH during the day. I fix breakfast and myself lunch. My two college-age children are home but rarely get up before noon.

One is self-sufficient. The older (!) one texts me with: "Is there lunch" at like 1:30.

I reply, "I'm in the middle of a work project. There's X, Y, Z options in the kitchen. Help yourself."

Thirty minutes go by. "Are you done working? Can you make me nachos?"

Now I'm annoyed and reply, "You are 20. You are old enough to feed yourself. Please do."

Pouting now. Jesus. How is this child going to survive in the wild?

[Anonymous]

^^ I should add, this is a regular occurence, I fix a dinner at night and the kitchen is well-stocked with options.

[Anonymous]

You are definitely NTA. Hold a firm line as your kid must learn how to deal with this. My college aged kid helps cook dinner and never asks me to cook special for him (and he does not like to cook). No reason kid can't just eat a sandwich, soup, or yogurt! If kid complains, maybe offer to teach how to do basic things to make lunch (nachos not hard!) once and then let them loose.

[Anonymous]

NTA.

I'd have a talk with them about it.

[Anonymous]

Not only are you NTA, but you should print out some simple recipes and tell your college age children that, as the working person funding their college education, you expect them, as burgeoning young adult family members, to start fixing a few meals a week for the family. Tell them you will be happy to send them to the store with money to get the ingredients.

That will end all requests for you to prepare meals.

And you may be pleasantly surprised. Some will rise to the challenge and learn to prepare a family meal.

[Anonymous]

NTA, your kid is.

[Anonymous]

NTA. When I was in college and home for summers I was expected to cook family dinners some nights. Meals were simple - think spaghetti with ground beef and jarred sauce with a bagged salad - but no way was my mom (who didn't work at all) in charge of making all my meals!

[Anonymous]

Very seriously, start asking kid to cook. Flip the script. “DC can you please put together some soup and sandwiches for everyone? I’m tied up at work. Thanks!”

[Anonymous]

Can you make me nachos?

LOL! This one needs some work, OP. Make ME some damn nachos, lazy freeloader!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I WFH during the day. I fix breakfast and myself lunch. My two college-age children are home but rarely get up before noon.

One is self-sufficient. The older (!) one texts me with: "Is there lunch" at like 1:30.

I reply, "I'm in the middle of a work project. There's X, Y, Z options in the kitchen. Help yourself."

Thirty minutes go by. "Are you done working? Can you make me nachos?"

Now I'm annoyed and reply, "You are 20. You are old enough to feed yourself. Please do."

Pouting now. Jesus. How is this child going to survive in the wild?

OMG. They need to be able to cook/put together foods themselves. Even cereal, yogurt, a bag of carrots, popcorn, chicken nuggets, almonds, walnuts, salad, cheese, fruit. Anything. But they absolutely need to handle this themselves.

How did they get through *any* of being away at college with their attitudes?

[Anonymous]

By the summer going into junior year of undergrad, they should be away from home for all the whole summer, hopefully interning in something relevant to their field. Or interning full time living at home.

[Anonymous]

It’s your fault, OP, for raising lazy ingrates. You’re the parent.

[Anonymous]

Ha! Today was my high school senior's first day of summer vacation. He complained about the absence of hot lunch, and after watching both his parents fix themselves cold lunches, he grudgingly did the same, as if this was the gulag or something.

But then he was kind enough to drive to pick up his much younger sister in the afternoon, so, he's not all bad (probably also wanted to impress her with the fact that he's out of school, AND can drive, but never mind, those feelings are put to good use!).

[Anonymous]

For 18 years + we do this: They do their own grocery shopping. Keep the receipt. I reimburse them. They store their stuff on a shelf in the refrigerator. They feed themselves.

Not ordinary, not sometimes I ask if they would like x or y that I'm already fixing. But, to do that very often, I would expect (almost) an equal effort from them to occasionally fix us something.

Not ordinary, but I might ask if there is anything I can pickup from the grocery store for them since I'm going --- but again, IF they are also, occasionally, are asking the if they can do the same for us.

Adults living together. Equal adults, ideally, eventually. Financially self supporting adults. Eventually. Imo, is the ideal to aspire to. And yes it looks a lot like roommates.

[Anonymous]

~ sorry, so many typos!