Forgiveness

[Anonymous]

I am pretty sure we have been wronged in some ways and also wronged others in some ways.

What does your faith tradition teach you about forgiveness? What steps do you take to find forgiveness (if any?)

How important do you think practicing forgiveness is to your faith (or lack thereof for others such as secular humanists)?

[Anonymous]

Forgiveness (to me) does not mean that trust has been reinstated. It simply means acknowledging that the past cannot be changed, but one must still move forward and not remain stagnant. It allows me to move on.

- Atheist, raised Muslim

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forgiveness (to me) does not mean that trust has been reinstated. It simply means acknowledging that the past cannot be changed, but one must still move forward and not remain stagnant. It allows me to move on.

- Atheist, raised Muslim

OP - that is an interesting and valid take. I think I can see where you are going with this even though to me that would qualify more as acceptance rather than forgiveness. But Maybe the way you express it is the way some forms of forgiveness are actually experienced?

I agree with you that forgiveness is an important part of being able to move on from pain/ trauma/ betrayal in good ways.

To me forgiveness is a decision rather than a feeling. It does not mean you will suddenly feel soft tender feelings towards whoever wronged you. It does not mean that you will trust people who wronged you easily or ever again.

My Christian religion does teach the importance of forgiveness.
Mathew 18:21-22
Mathew 6:14-15
The Lords Prayer
John 20:23

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure we have been wronged in some ways and also wronged others in some ways.

What does your faith tradition teach you about forgiveness? What steps do you take to find forgiveness (if any?)

How important do you think practicing forgiveness is to your faith (or lack thereof for others such as secular humanists)?

When I was Catholic, forgiveness was something a priest conveyed in the confessional.

Now as an atheist, it's more personal and more real - it would happen person to person. But truly, I haven't felt the need to seek or ask for forgivness. Saying I'm sorry, sure, but that seems different - less consequential.

[Anonymous]

I was sexually abused by my stepfather. He never repented and my mother (who knew) prefers to think of it as "ancient history."

I am not religious, but I made a conscious decision in my 20s to forgive him and her. It was more like releasing them from my mind and my heart, because holding onto the memory and the pain was harming only me.

I never said anything to them. For me, the forgiveness was about me, not them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was sexually abused by my stepfather. He never repented and my mother (who knew) prefers to think of it as "ancient history."

I am not religious, but I made a conscious decision in my 20s to forgive him and her. It was more like releasing them from my mind and my heart, because holding onto the memory and the pain was harming only me.

I never said anything to them. For me, the forgiveness was about me, not them.

So sorry this happened to you. Fascinating, though, how you handled it. Thanks for telling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was sexually abused by my stepfather. He never repented and my mother (who knew) prefers to think of it as "ancient history."

I am not religious, but I made a conscious decision in my 20s to forgive him and her. It was more like releasing them from my mind and my heart, because holding onto the memory and the pain was harming only me.

I never said anything to them. For me, the forgiveness was about me, not them.

OP - I am also very sorry you experienced this terrible betrayal and abuse as a youth.

I am glad you found a way to deal with it that helps you to heal.

If it were me, I would have been as angry with my mother as step father. I never experienced this but can imagine that it was painful on so many levels.

I am happy for you were able to forgive them and let go of this memory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure we have been wronged in some ways and also wronged others in some ways.

What does your faith tradition teach you about forgiveness? What steps do you take to find forgiveness (if any?)

How important do you think practicing forgiveness is to your faith (or lack thereof for others such as secular humanists)?

When I was Catholic, forgiveness was something a priest conveyed in the confessional.

Now as an atheist, it's more personal and more real - it would happen person to person. But truly, I haven't felt the need to seek or ask for forgivness. Saying I'm sorry, sure, but that seems different - less consequential.

OP - I have never really understood the Catholic approach to seeking forgiveness for yourself.

Great that you feel that forgiveness is more personal for you now. But I can’t imagine never seeking forgiveness … We all make mistakes and sometimes can be inconsiderate or annoying without realizing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure we have been wronged in some ways and also wronged others in some ways.

What does your faith tradition teach you about forgiveness? What steps do you take to find forgiveness (if any?)

How important do you think practicing forgiveness is to your faith (or lack thereof for others such as secular humanists)?

When I was Catholic, forgiveness was something a priest conveyed in the confessional.

Now as an atheist, it's more personal and more real - it would happen person to person. But truly, I haven't felt the need to seek or ask for forgivness. Saying I'm sorry, sure, but that seems different - less consequential.

OP - I have never really understood the Catholic approach to seeking forgiveness for yourself.

Great that you feel that forgiveness is more personal for you now. But I can’t imagine never seeking forgiveness … We all make mistakes and sometimes can be inconsiderate or annoying without realizing it.

Of course, but I don't think of it as seeking forgiveness. I think of it as being sorry, which in my mind is less serious and less grandiose.

Perhaps this stems from my youth, when seeking forgiveness was something only done with regard to God.

[Anonymous]

In Judaism, we have a whole season for forgiveness! Throughout the year, you are supposed to do teshuva (repentance) and ask forgiveness from those you have wronged. Ideally, you do this in the moment, or as soon as you can. But sometimes we procrastinate, so between Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Repentance; the holiest day in the Jewish year) we have a 10-day period known as the Days of Awe. You are supposed use those days to reach out to the people from whom you seek forgiveness. You apologize sincerely to them and hope they accept (they might not, and that's ok, but you need to make the effort). Only then can you go before God and ask God's forgiveness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Judaism, we have a whole season for forgiveness! Throughout the year, you are supposed to do teshuva (repentance) and ask forgiveness from those you have wronged. Ideally, you do this in the moment, or as soon as you can. But sometimes we procrastinate, so between Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Repentance; the holiest day in the Jewish year) we have a 10-day period known as the Days of Awe. You are supposed use those days to reach out to the people from whom you seek forgiveness. You apologize sincerely to them and hope they accept (they might not, and that's ok, but you need to make the effort). Only then can you go before God and ask God's forgiveness.

I like the intentionality of this approach.

Does seeking forgiveness extend to people outside your faith tradition or mainly within your tradition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Judaism, we have a whole season for forgiveness! Throughout the year, you are supposed to do teshuva (repentance) and ask forgiveness from those you have wronged. Ideally, you do this in the moment, or as soon as you can. But sometimes we procrastinate, so between Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Repentance; the holiest day in the Jewish year) we have a 10-day period known as the Days of Awe. You are supposed use those days to reach out to the people from whom you seek forgiveness. You apologize sincerely to them and hope they accept (they might not, and that's ok, but you need to make the effort). Only then can you go before God and ask God's forgiveness.

I like the intentionality of this approach.

Does seeking forgiveness extend to people outside your faith tradition or mainly within your tradition

Yes, it extends to anyone you've wronged, regardless of their religion.

[Anonymous]

I’m Catholic and forgiveness is only given to those who turkey repent and have every intention to not continue “sinning”.

You can’t just be granted forgiveness with no intention or euro toward being a better person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Judaism, we have a whole season for forgiveness! Throughout the year, you are supposed to do teshuva (repentance) and ask forgiveness from those you have wronged. Ideally, you do this in the moment, or as soon as you can. But sometimes we procrastinate, so between Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Repentance; the holiest day in the Jewish year) we have a 10-day period known as the Days of Awe. You are supposed use those days to reach out to the people from whom you seek forgiveness. You apologize sincerely to them and hope they accept (they might not, and that's ok, but you need to make the effort). Only then can you go before God and ask God's forgiveness.

I like the intentionality of this approach.

Does seeking forgiveness extend to people outside your faith tradition or mainly within your tradition

I mean, I'm Jewish, and I wouldn't tell to my Christian neighbor, "Rosh Hashanah is next week, do you forgive me for anything I may have done to you over the past year?"

My neighbors would think I'm crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Judaism, we have a whole season for forgiveness! Throughout the year, you are supposed to do teshuva (repentance) and ask forgiveness from those you have wronged. Ideally, you do this in the moment, or as soon as you can. But sometimes we procrastinate, so between Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Repentance; the holiest day in the Jewish year) we have a 10-day period known as the Days of Awe. You are supposed use those days to reach out to the people from whom you seek forgiveness. You apologize sincerely to them and hope they accept (they might not, and that's ok, but you need to make the effort). Only then can you go before God and ask God's forgiveness.

I like the intentionality of this approach.

Does seeking forgiveness extend to people outside your faith tradition or mainly within your tradition

I mean, I'm Jewish, and I wouldn't tell to my Christian neighbor, "Rosh Hashanah is next week, do you forgive me for anything I may have done to you over the past year?"

My neighbors would think I'm crazy.

But if you truly thought you had offended your Christian neighbor, would you ponder it and maybe ask for forgiveness on Rosh Hashanah?