How Independent is your 16 year old DS?

[Anonymous]

I know that my 16 year old DS is delayed for various reasons. Trying to baseline what “normal” is though. What types of things do you still do for your 16 year old DS? Asking DS vs DD as I know girls tend to mature faster.

[Anonymous]

My 16.5 year old DS will...
Wash dishes and load/empty dishwasher
Vacuum
Mow, edge, weed eat the lawn
Has drivers license and drives everywhere as needed
Bikes to/from school and bikes places when he doesn't have access to car
Does his laundry and puts it away
Will go grocery shopping for me

He does not...
Go out on dates (he seems socially immature to me)
Cook food

[Anonymous]

My youngest just turned 17 last week.

He has done his own laundry for several years now.
Mows the lawn
Can cook a full meal for the family


He has no interest in getting his license.

[Anonymous]

Same as we were back in our day at 16 - though I do see WAY less interest in getting a drivers license + a car. Like way way less/no interest. I attribute it to the fact that Uber wasn't a thing when I was that age in the late 90s.

[Anonymous]

Well, my son graduated from HS at 16 and moved across the country for college. He could do laundry, steam (he could probably figure out ironing) clothes, cook, had his permit, pump gas, play two instruments, navigate a new city, organize his time within a day/week, and talk people into and out of things.

[Anonymous]

Mine: CAN do all the laundry/dishes stuff but needs to be asked and reminded. However, he’s very responsible in his paid jobs (currently works on food truck and helps an old guy with stuff at house.) Has his license and drives all over the area. Seems to mostly get all his work turned in on time although with online stuff sometimes there are glitches and I do double check. Very much likes hanging out with his guys, has never had a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

My 15 yo cooks full meals, mows the lawn, does laundry.

He does not seem to be able to do dishes or consistently wash his hair. He’s not dating anyone that I know of.

[Anonymous]

He can do everything; he just chooses not to. But that's fine, because he's about to leave home for college, and he'll have to do everything for himself, except cook since has a meal plan. But he knows how to; we taught him, and when he feels like it, he does cook stuff for himself.

Just make sure you teach him. Whether he does it or not depends on how lazy he is.

[Anonymous]

My 16 year old boy can do anything (almost) but he chooses not to. He is working on his license and should get that in a few weeks. He handles his own school work, but gets Bs and sometimes Cs. He can work his butt off for things he cares about, and coaches and activity leaders say he is amazing to work with, mentors younger kids, etc. But that doesn’t yet translate to things like cleaning the bathroom, doing ALL of his homework, or cooking. I have faith that because he is capable, and he has shown he will work hard for things he cares about, that he will be able to do what he needs to do when things become relevant (I.e. he’ll learn to cook when his meal plan ends).

[Anonymous]

I do the things but he can do the things.

[Anonymous]

Mine drives and can navigate to new places or run errands for us without issues. He manages school work and sports schedules on his own (I don’t check homework or remind him where he needs to be anymore). He’s able to cook a full meal but doesn’t have time. Minimal chores bc of school and sports commitments but knows how to do most everything. Very little social life. Friends seem equally busy and they’re not in a group that’s meeting up on weekend nights or making an any plans.

[Anonymous]

Mine isn't 16 yet but instead of focusing on teaching him how to do everything, I teach him how to learn to do anything, this gives me less stress. Can you work on this skill even if your son is not able to do every Independent adult task?

[Anonymous]

I thought my kid was behind but I guess not. He’s 13 and he gets himself up and to school every morning, making his own breakfast. He is completely self motivated and organized re getting all his homework done and keeping track of deadlines. He handles everything at school including any negotiating with teachers. He does the laundry for the household and also is responsible for mowing the lawn (it’sa large yard). He isn’t great at cooking but can make pasta or fry an egg. He’s great with money and budgeting. But he doesn’t get around much on his own, mostly because he doesn’t often have anywhere to go. I buy his clothes and sometimes remind him to have a shower.

[Anonymous]

These answers are strange. Who cares if your son can do laundry or cook a meal for the family. That’s not a sign of independence. The most dependent kid could do that.

How about traveling alone?
Getting back and forth to school and activities independently?
Planning his own schedule?
Coordinating his own activities?
Finding a job, and having new responsibilities at work
Pursuing independent interests and passions
Taking care of his own banking and money
Being responsible for some household chores
Being responsible for siblings or grandparents
Being trusted to handle significant things at home/school/work - deliveries, pet care, shoveling snow, letting contractors in and out, etc
Being able to spend the night/weekend alone

[Anonymous]

OP - if you tell us about your DS, we'll tell you how to build the skills you want. As you can see, people have different responses to your question. My teens were always pretty independent and we can help with ideas.