College freshman at home for 3 months

[Anonymous]

Like many of you I assume, my college freshman - also my oldest - will be home for 3 months. I am bracing myself because it has honestly been a pretty peaceful and easy time since he left in August with me and my other 2 kids here at home. My oldest is very intense and sucks up all the air in the room he is in - he is just a big guy, very talkative, never sits still, and always asking you what you think about everything and then giving you his opinions and asking what you think about them. But the most 'triggering' thing for me is that he loves loves to have political and philosophical discussions but in a contrarian way and we just fundamentally do not see eye-to-eye. And it is exhausting. I am prepping myself to not get drawn in and just stop engaging when I feel my blood pressure rise. There is also always some sort of drama with him - some crazy thing that happened on his way home, etc.

Anyone else feeling a little nervous about college dc re-entry? He has classes and other things lined up and will be with his friends a lot but his presence is just going to throw the house into some chaos and I do not want to resent him.

[Anonymous]

Yup! My DD just got home. She also sucks all of the air out of the room. Her younger sister was very sad when she left last August and not happy about being home alone with us but grew to like the peace and quiet and is not happy about the return of the hurricane.

I figure we will all just get used to it in a week or two. Hang in there

[Anonymous]

Our oldest just finished her Junior year in college. We love her, her brothers love her, she loves us. BUT there is an adjustment when she is at home. The family functions differently when she is home because there is another person in it. Even simple things like making dinner are different because everyone's tasks changed when she left home. We realized we needed to set some rules for her that are different than her teenage brothers. Simple things like letting us know her schedule for the week. I'm not giving her a curfew, but she needs to give me an estimate on when she will be home so I don't worry. I need to know what meals she will be home for so we can plan and know how much food we need. If you are living in the house then you have to help with the house. That means cleaning, cooking and pitching in with errands.

[Anonymous]

You need to set boundaries. "I'm not going to talk with you about this." Why? "Because I love you and want to enjoy my time with you rather than spend it arguing. Let's focus on [__________] right now." "Brother Joe is speaking - please let him finish his story before you interrupt." And then take him aside later and tell him he needs to work on not interrupting when someone else is talking.

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re describing my son. Getting ready for the storm, too.

[Anonymous]

100000%

It's been an adjustment. My son also likes to have political and philosophical discussions but in a contrarian way, and is authoritarian regarding cooking, cleaning, schedules. Not in a good way. It's exhausting. We are all more laid back and relaxed when he is on his own. It's like we invited a drill sergeant back to the house to yell at us the second we walk in the door from work, school and activities.

I just want to be left alone. That's terrible to say.

[Anonymous]

My kid moved off campus with a 12 month lease. No need to come home if they didn't want to. Love my kid, but like him a lot more not in my house!

[Anonymous]

This is part of him growing up, I'd expect him to notice a shift in how the house has adjusted to his absence. Its a little less of a home now that he's been away, and the rules may be stifling now that he's had some independence. Set your boundaries but realize its different for him as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid moved off campus with a 12 month lease. No need to come home if they didn't want to. Love my kid, but like him a lot more not in my house!

Yeah, well someone has to pay for that. It's not going to be me. Most Freshman & Sophomores come home during the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest just finished her Junior year in college. We love her, her brothers love her, she loves us. BUT there is an adjustment when she is at home. The family functions differently when she is home because there is another person in it. Even simple things like making dinner are different because everyone's tasks changed when she left home. We realized we needed to set some rules for her that are different than her teenage brothers. Simple things like letting us know her schedule for the week. I'm not giving her a curfew, but she needs to give me an estimate on when she will be home so I don't worry. I need to know what meals she will be home for so we can plan and know how much food we need. If you are living in the house then you have to help with the house. That means cleaning, cooking and pitching in with errands.

Yes, this is all to be expected. I’m just talking about his personality and his overall presence. It is tiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re describing my son. Getting ready for the storm, too.

OK glad you and some other posters can relate.

I see other moms getting all excited and wistful with the kids home and I’m mainly bracing myself.

[Anonymous]

It's really hard when personalities clash like this. I hope you guys can find some ways to connect with your kids so that there are more positive interactions to balance out the negative. Maybe also think about way you contribute to the dynamic - not saying these kids are not exhausting but it's often the case that both people contribute to negative interactions; maybe you can figure out how to break the patterns if you are watching out for them. If you are dreading their presence this much, imagine how much they must be dreading being home for the summer as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard when personalities clash like this. I hope you guys can find some ways to connect with your kids so that there are more positive interactions to balance out the negative. Maybe also think about way you contribute to the dynamic - not saying these kids are not exhausting but it's often the case that both people contribute to negative interactions; maybe you can figure out how to break the patterns if you are watching out for them. If you are dreading their presence this much, imagine how much they must be dreading being home for the summer as well!

As I said in my OP I am working on not engaging when he starts going down his rabbit holes.

And he is oblivious about how he impacts us. That is part of the issue. He is definitely not dreading being home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid moved off campus with a 12 month lease. No need to come home if they didn't want to. Love my kid, but like him a lot more not in my house!

Yeah, well someone has to pay for that. It's not going to be me. Most Freshman & Sophomores come home during the summer.

His 12 month lease is cheaper than university housing. Before you dismiss it, do some research.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I will be encouraging him to find his own place next summer most likely. Whether it is here or in his college city. Ha!