Falling asleep/co sleeping with 6.5 year old

[Anonymous]

When my kid was a baby/toddler I was pretty rigid about having her fall asleep on her own and stay in her own bed. She was generally fine with this, with the exception of 1 or 2 nights/month when she would call for me after a nightmare (and I would go to her room to comfort her for about 5 minutes before heading back to my own bed). Fast forward to September of this year and we moved to a new house where her bedroom is a bit further from ours (she went from being right across the hall to down a hall). She was scared of her room and generally anxious about the move, so I started staying in her room while she fell asleep—I would read to her and then stay in her bed and read on my kindle while she drifted off. Now she’s used to our new home, but she still always wants me to stay in her room as she falls asleep. I can’t decide what to do. She’s very resistant to falling asleep without me and I don’t know if I should push her, create a reward chart, etc.

On the one hand, she’s only a little kid for a short time and it’s really not a big deal for me to stay in her room to offer comfort. I know this time will fly by and soon she won’t want me around. Part of me wants to cherish the snuggle time for as long as it lasts. On the other hand, I end up going to bed later because after she falls asleep, I still have some stuff to do. Plus, I occasionally fall asleep in her room and then I sleep poorly until I get up and move to my own room. My partner often works at night so he doesn’t really care how I manage this (ie. He’s not waiting for me).

Does anyone else keep their 6.5 year old 1st grader company while she/he falls asleep? Are you glad you do it? I’m leaning towards accommodating her since childhood is so short….but not sure if I’m making a mistake.

[Anonymous]

I’m co-sleeping with our 6.5 yo right now, mostly because he’s sick and I need to monitor him for an asthma attack. But, we don’t push when our kids want to sleep with us. It’s not forever and it’s more important to us that our kids feel safe and loved.

[Anonymous]

We were strict with our now 7yo DS. But at 4yo, he started having nightmares and wanted us to sleep in his room. (He will not sleep in our bed) After many nights of walking him back to his room (which didn’t work) and sleeping in the rocker/recliner, we gave in and started sleeping on an air mattress on the floor. Then the pandemic hit and we had crazy family stuff happening, so it continued for almost 2 years.
He now wants us to sit in his chair while he falls asleep. For us, this is a win. It’s only 15-20 mins and I know it won’t be like this forever.

Find a way to be in the room, but not snuggled up against her. Should stop you from falling asleep.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, is this your only major parenting dilemma? If so, I'd say, just run with it. My DD never wanted to sleep on her own. I thought the co-sleeping would never end. Somewhere around her 9th birthday she suddenly decided she wanted to sleep on her own, and now that's that. She's now a self-sufficient girl who sleeps in her own room (except for maybe 1 night a month or so . And she has handled sleepover parties and sleepover camp just fine. So, IMO, don't stress over this.

[Anonymous]

I think this is one of those - if it works for you, go with it. I could not do it because I really need good sleep to be a functioning adult (and decent parent) and your situation would result in me getting worse sleep. Some people can function on much less.

[Anonymous]

Does she fall asleep pretty quickly? If it doesn’t delay your evening too much, I wouldn’t worry about it. (My oldest DD is in college and you are right that this time will fly by! I really miss her younger, snuggly years!)

[Anonymous]

It depends how much this impacts your life. Can you still go out to social occasions with your husband and the babysitter can put your child to bed? What if you have company? Do you need to lay down with her while your guests are socializing in another area of the house? The flip side is no one wants a scared child. You can be in the room, but not in the bed. Gradually, move toward the door and no conversing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kid was a baby/toddler I was pretty rigid about having her fall asleep on her own and stay in her own bed. She was generally fine with this, with the exception of 1 or 2 nights/month when she would call for me after a nightmare (and I would go to her room to comfort her for about 5 minutes before heading back to my own bed). Fast forward to September of this year and we moved to a new house where her bedroom is a bit further from ours (she went from being right across the hall to down a hall). She was scared of her room and generally anxious about the move, so I started staying in her room while she fell asleep—I would read to her and then stay in her bed and read on my kindle while she drifted off. Now she’s used to our new home, but she still always wants me to stay in her room as she falls asleep. I can’t decide what to do. She’s very resistant to falling asleep without me and I don’t know if I should push her, create a reward chart, etc.

On the one hand, she’s only a little kid for a short time and it’s really not a big deal for me to stay in her room to offer comfort. I know this time will fly by and soon she won’t want me around. Part of me wants to cherish the snuggle time for as long as it lasts. On the other hand, I end up going to bed later because after she falls asleep, I still have some stuff to do. Plus, I occasionally fall asleep in her room and then I sleep poorly until I get up and move to my own room. My partner often works at night so he doesn’t really care how I manage this (ie. He’s not waiting for me).

Does anyone else keep their 6.5 year old 1st grader company while she/he falls asleep? Are you glad you do it? I’m leaning towards accommodating her since childhood is so short….but not sure if I’m making a mistake.

This is a slippery slope. I would not do this unless there was some extreme trauma (family death, etc.) my child was healing from. It creates bad habits and any bad sleep boundary habits are going to mess with your marriage.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter what other people do, what matters is if this is working for you? This is not a parenting right or wrong. Do you want to keep doing this indefinitely or stop? Choose your answer then go with it. It would not work for me and I haven’t done it with any of my kids..

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. For the first many years I was very strict about not cosleeping, etc etc.

Then something happened. I experienced an attitude adjustment. Now cosleeping with my middle child who is 5 because it offers her comfort. Never thought I'd be here but I'm grateful for the journey.

[Anonymous]

Do it until one of you doesn't want to any more, then stop.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 6.5 and 8 and share a room. Both DH and I each lay with one every night while they fall asleep. They love it, we know the days are numbered.

[Anonymous]

It seems like it is working reasonably well for you. On days you have a lot to do, could you sit in bed with her for the first 10ish minutes and then tell her you have to do the dishes/start the laundry/etc and you’ll be back in 5 mins?

My oldest is has already been pretty anxious and had trouble falling a sleeping. We stayed next to him in his bed until he was 7/8ish I think? It worked for us so I didn’t care what anyone else thought. Several years later he is fine on his own. But we went from sitting in bed with him to sitting in a chair in his room as he got bigger, and then eventually leaving his door open while I was in and out doing chores.

[Anonymous]

I stay with my 6 year old too. He's scared of the dark and has a very vivid imagination, I think he sometimes still confuses reality and fantasy. Youngest child too so I've been more lenient. He knows I am there so now he's asleep in 5-10min.

[Anonymous]

My new 6yo DD wants me to stay. Not Dad, me, if I"m not here she's fine to go to sleep on her own. I sit in a chair in her room and read a book for 10 minutes or so, if she's not asleep she's fine with me dropping a kiss on her head and leaving. Some nights I have a million things to do, I tell her I'll come check on her and sit with her if she's still awake. She's fine with that, but it's 50/50 whether she's still up when I come back a half hour later.