If you suspected your child was Bi or Gay

[Anonymous]

but they hadn't said anything directly, is there anything you'd do or say differently?

Wondering about my 12 year old son. I'm confident he knows I would be an ally, but just wondering.

[Anonymous]

I opened the door up a few times in case she wanted to say something and she never did. Just wanted her to feel safe. She finally told me junior year in high school. It was all good. Just wanted her to know she could come to me anytime.

[Anonymous]

Can you give an example of what you mean by "opening the door"? I feel like he knows the door is open.

[Anonymous]

When you talk about dating/future spouse/sex talk/etc, use gender neutral pronouns or say girlfriend or boyfriend, wife/husband/spouse, etc. Cover sex ed for all types of sex.

This is what my mom did for me (I didn’t come out as bi to anyone including myself until my late teens) and I’m eternally grateful.

[Anonymous]

Once DH and I agreed we were sure DS was gay we made sure when we talked to our kids about marriage we'd say things like "she or he", when we talked about a celebrity coming out DH or I always mentioned that if any of the kids came out to us we'd be supportive and love them just as much as always. (And we made sure not to only look at DS when saying these things.)

[Anonymous]

Same question here! I have a feeling my daughter (14) is gay. I feel it strongly. I have been considering asking, but it’s such an important thing I don’t want to screw if up or say the wrong thing. We are very close, and I hope she knows I would be incredibly supportive. I actually think she is more afraid of what it would do to her socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same question here! I have a feeling my daughter (14) is gay. I feel it strongly. I have been considering asking, but it’s such an important thing I don’t want to screw if up or say the wrong thing. We are very close, and I hope she knows I would be incredibly supportive. I actually think she is more afraid of what it would do to her socially.

DO NOT ASK. This is not your truth to learn. It is her’s to share if/ when she is ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once DH and I agreed we were sure DS was gay we made sure when we talked to our kids about marriage we'd say things like "she or he", when we talked about a celebrity coming out DH or I always mentioned that if any of the kids came out to us we'd be supportive and love them just as much as always. (And we made sure not to only look at DS when saying these things.)

OP here,

We've always done that, we didn't wait till we were "sure", we just did those things since they were born. And my kids have been to the weddings of their gay relatives, and supported a cousin who came out as trans.

[Anonymous]

I have been trying to use gender neutral phrases about romantic relationships for some time (but occasionally slip). Now I have a sense that my college son might have a boyfriend. Can I ask if it’s a romantic relationship or do I have to wait to be told? If it were a girl I heard mentioned that much, I would have asked by now and he has been open in the past when he liked a girl.

[Anonymous]

I told my son while I was driving him somewhere that I loved him no matter who he loved. He smiled and we left it at that. He came out a year later.

[Anonymous]

We’re a lesbian couple who wondered about our son from a young age. By middle school we knew. Even with having gay parents, he came out in his own time - and that was when his best friend thought it was time. He texted a link to a coming out video. We never actually talked about it.

[Anonymous]

My kid is gay, I have always known. They have not shared with me but I know they are working up the courage to do so. It's not about me - but about them. When they are ready to do so, I will be here with open arms.

Until then, we treat them like we always have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re a lesbian couple who wondered about our son from a young age. By middle school we knew. Even with having gay parents, he came out in his own time - and that was when his best friend thought it was time. He texted a link to a coming out video. We never actually talked about it.

For some reason I love the idea of a coming out video.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once DH and I agreed we were sure DS was gay we made sure when we talked to our kids about marriage we'd say things like "she or he", when we talked about a celebrity coming out DH or I always mentioned that if any of the kids came out to us we'd be supportive and love them just as much as always. (And we made sure not to only look at DS when saying these things.)

OP here,

We've always done that, we didn't wait till we were "sure", we just did those things since they were born. And my kids have been to the weddings of their gay relatives, and supported a cousin who came out as trans.

Wow you get a gold star!

[Anonymous]

If everyone on this chain is so open, I have to question why you wouldn't just tease your kids about a potential crush like you would a straight kid? I don't get all this you cannot ask business when you are so sure. If you have to put boundaries with friends because of sexual orientation such as sleepovers, this needs to be addressed. If your parents are supportive, this can be done. Isn't not asking making it more secretive/shameful?

Another way to handle is to talk to all siblings about sexual orientation at a specific age like 12 or 13? I really don't get why you treat this with such kid gloves if so supportive.