How many middle-age adult children financially support their parents?

[Anonymous]

? I see myself supporting my parents with driving and advocating for their healthcare needs but not paying their bills or setting up an in-law apartment in my house.

[Anonymous]

I provided cash to my parents for their last ten years or so. Not necessarily a ton, but I would give checks to my dad when I was visiting. My mom would have said no, yet she never really recognized the change in their bank account balance. They worked hard their whole lives, but you can't squeeze more out of lowish paying jobs.

My ILs are on the path where they may seek support and it does rankle me a bit. They had a generous amount of money, but they've blown through it on expensive vacations, winter house rentals, dining out, cloths shopping, etc. OTOH, DH was always generous with my parents and told me never to worry when I was worrying about their finances, so I don't think I can say no even if it didn't need to come to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:? I see myself supporting my parents with driving and advocating for their healthcare needs but not paying their bills or setting up an in-law apartment in my house.

It doesn't really matter how you picture it, it's more important how it ends up. It usually ends up different than you picture it.

[Anonymous]

We support my ILs. We pay their mortgage, pay for the flights if they travel to see us, pay for medical procedures when they come up, and send them cash when they've asked. I don't see us ever setting up an inlaw type apartment at our house. Neither of us would be good caretakers.

[Anonymous]

I will have to support my dad. Like PP said, it really has nothing to do with what I am picturing. I had pictured him saving properly for retirement but that ship has long since sailed.

[Anonymous]

My husband has been supporting his parents since his mid 20's and he is in late 50's now so quarter of a century.

[Anonymous]

I provide extras/luxuries and pay for some grocery shopping trips, and have for the last 8 years or so. My mom will run out of money at some point but her AL has a benevolent fund that will hopefully kick in, if not then would have to start contributing along with other family members -- this would very much come at the expense of retirement savings and paying for college though, so hoping to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Is this even a question? I've been supporting my parents and in-law parents for the past twenty years. My in-law parents are currently living with us so that my wife can take good care of them. Without my parents' love and support when I was young, I would not be where I am today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this even a question? I've been supporting my parents and in-law parents for the past twenty years. My in-law parents are currently living with us so that my wife can take good care of them. Without my parents' love and support when I was young, I would not be where I am today.

What kind of question is that? In the US, it's not common for children to support their parents.

[Anonymous]

I pay a lot of my mom’s bills. Her heating oil, cable, internet. I send her checks to help pay for special things like getting stairs fixed, a new furnace, etc. I send her checks to help with buying Christmas gifts and the like.
She lives on Social Security, and mostly manages on that, but I help as much as I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this even a question? I've been supporting my parents and in-law parents for the past twenty years. My in-law parents are currently living with us so that my wife can take good care of them. Without my parents' love and support when I was young, I would not be where I am today.

Where are you from? India?

[Anonymous]

I don’t see that happening. It’s culturally inappropriate for where I am from (Western European country with a social system and pensions). My parents would be insulted. It’s more normal for parents to keep supporting adult children but that won’t happen as my parents don’t have that much extra money.

[Anonymous]

I do with zero regrets. My parents live with us. I can't imagine them being anywhere else. I'd never put them in assisted living. They love and have supported me my entire life, and I've always planned to take care of them from when I was younger.

[Anonymous]

Depends. We do help my parents but won’t do much because they won’t help themselves. Money was never with a financial planner - they let it run into the ground because my father is stubborn. Could have been over a million by now but nope. Sibling lives with them and is pissed now that they are nearing 90 and disabled. She’s always worked her passion which paid low. Brother followed his bliss, which led to meth addiction late in life. He’s kicked it but he lives paycheck to paycheck.

My husband and I have offered a lot of help for them to be able to help themselves. Money is tied up in their home. If they sold and moved to one of many free properties we offered, one around the corner no less, they could hire full time help. They live on SS but it’s over 3K/mo, so a smaller place, SS and an additional 550K would set them up. Very able bodied sibling screams ‘what about me!’. Well sibling, you can still live with them but wouldn’t have a suite upstairs all to yourself. You’d have one bedroom. Beggars and all that.

SO bottom line - help only those that are willing to be cooperative and help themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends. We do help my parents but won’t do much because they won’t help themselves. Money was never with a financial planner - they let it run into the ground because my father is stubborn. Could have been over a million by now but nope. Sibling lives with them and is pissed now that they are nearing 90 and disabled. She’s always worked her passion which paid low. Brother followed his bliss, which led to meth addiction late in life. He’s kicked it but he lives paycheck to paycheck.

My husband and I have offered a lot of help for them to be able to help themselves. Money is tied up in their home. If they sold and moved to one of many free properties we offered, one around the corner no less, they could hire full time help. They live on SS but it’s over 3K/mo, so a smaller place, SS and an additional 550K would set them up. Very able bodied sibling screams ‘what about me!’. Well sibling, you can still live with them but wouldn’t have a suite upstairs all to yourself. You’d have one bedroom. Beggars and all that.

SO bottom line - help only those that are willing to be cooperative and help themselves

Does your sibling help your parents at all?

My parents are no longer here and, when they were, there was not a ton of cash even though they worked hard nearly their whole lives. But fortunately, my siblings and I were self sufficient and always able to come to agreement on how to support them, next steps, etc. I generally contributed more as our HHI is much higher than my siblings. Their final years were stressful enough - I can't imagine this as an overlay on it.

PP, good luck.