How many middle-age adult children financially support their parents?

[Anonymous]

How many parents fully support their children? Like no debt even during undergrad or grad schooling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends. We do help my parents but won’t do much because they won’t help themselves. Money was never with a financial planner - they let it run into the ground because my father is stubborn. Could have been over a million by now but nope. Sibling lives with them and is pissed now that they are nearing 90 and disabled. She’s always worked her passion which paid low. Brother followed his bliss, which led to meth addiction late in life. He’s kicked it but he lives paycheck to paycheck.

My husband and I have offered a lot of help for them to be able to help themselves. Money is tied up in their home. If they sold and moved to one of many free properties we offered, one around the corner no less, they could hire full time help. They live on SS but it’s over 3K/mo, so a smaller place, SS and an additional 550K would set them up. Very able bodied sibling screams ‘what about me!’. Well sibling, you can still live with them but wouldn’t have a suite upstairs all to yourself. You’d have one bedroom. Beggars and all that.

SO bottom line - help only those that are willing to be cooperative and help themselves

Does your sibling help your parents at all?

My parents are no longer here and, when they were, there was not a ton of cash even though they worked hard nearly their whole lives. But fortunately, my siblings and I were self sufficient and always able to come to agreement on how to support them, next steps, etc. I generally contributed more as our HHI is much higher than my siblings. Their final years were stressful enough - I can't imagine this as an overlay on it.

PP, good luck.

One sibling helps with the physical care, and I recognize that’s huge, so yes, I help some due to that. The other can’t financially - in short, both siblings are not financially able. What I can’t afford and won’t do is drive our own finances into the ground to support a standard of living that’s no longer viable. Especially since my husband and I have offered many very nice free solutions, including a lovely 5 br home in a great area for retirement. My mother would love to go into a condo place with others her age for the socialization but my father screams no and she caves. I told her that at any point, we would get her out and into one, that her social security goes with her, and then the others will freak and probably choose to make a change. She’s too timid to do it. The problem all along has been very bad decisions on my father’s part, and after his stroke, my mother refused to engage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many parents fully support their children? Like no debt even during undergrad or grad schooling?

We gave our kids the gift of no college debt. Told them that a good company would help pay for grad school. My DD esp did not believe that, and called me after she got a great job in a great company to say “OMG, you are RIGHT”. She’s now doing an MBA with 50% reimbursement and is thrilled.

[Samuel369]

Anonymous wrote:? I see myself supporting my parents with driving and advocating for their healthcare needs but not paying their bills or setting up an in-law apartment in my house.

It's critical to establish limits and maintain open lines of communication with your parents so that you may help them in the way that you see fit. It's equally vital to take care of yourself as it is of your parents, and consulting a specialist can help you decide what is best for their financial and medical needs.

[Anonymous]

I'll help mine in any way i can in a heartbeat and as long as it takes but with boundaries for ours and theirs privacy and mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pay a lot of my mom’s bills. Her heating oil, cable, internet. I send her checks to help pay for special things like getting stairs fixed, a new furnace, etc. I send her checks to help with buying Christmas gifts and the like.
She lives on Social Security, and mostly manages on that, but I help as much as I can.

Sounds like she would be better off in a small rental that doesn’t require so much maintenance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends. We do help my parents but won’t do much because they won’t help themselves. Money was never with a financial planner - they let it run into the ground because my father is stubborn. Could have been over a million by now but nope. Sibling lives with them and is pissed now that they are nearing 90 and disabled. She’s always worked her passion which paid low. Brother followed his bliss, which led to meth addiction late in life. He’s kicked it but he lives paycheck to paycheck.

My husband and I have offered a lot of help for them to be able to help themselves. Money is tied up in their home. If they sold and moved to one of many free properties we offered, one around the corner no less, they could hire full time help. They live on SS but it’s over 3K/mo, so a smaller place, SS and an additional 550K would set them up. Very able bodied sibling screams ‘what about me!’. Well sibling, you can still live with them but wouldn’t have a suite upstairs all to yourself. You’d have one bedroom. Beggars and all that.

SO bottom line - help only those that are willing to be cooperative and help themselves

Does your sibling help your parents at all?

My parents are no longer here and, when they were, there was not a ton of cash even though they worked hard nearly their whole lives. But fortunately, my siblings and I were self sufficient and always able to come to agreement on how to support them, next steps, etc. I generally contributed more as our HHI is much higher than my siblings. Their final years were stressful enough - I can't imagine this as an overlay on it.

PP, good luck.

One sibling helps with the physical care, and I recognize that’s huge, so yes, I help some due to that. The other can’t financially - in short, both siblings are not financially able. What I can’t afford and won’t do is drive our own finances into the ground to support a standard of living that’s no longer viable. Especially since my husband and I have offered many very nice free solutions, including a lovely 5 br home in a great area for retirement. My mother would love to go into a condo place with others her age for the socialization but my father screams no and she caves. I told her that at any point, we would get her out and into one, that her social security goes with her, and then the others will freak and probably choose to make a change. She’s too timid to do it. The problem all along has been very bad decisions on my father’s part, and after his stroke, my mother refused to engage.

New poster
My mother was always difficult and it was hard to help my parents due to her and my dad being completely under her rule
It became so much easier when she passed
There’s light at the end of the tunnel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I provided cash to my parents for their last ten years or so. Not necessarily a ton, but I would give checks to my dad when I was visiting. My mom would have said no, yet she never really recognized the change in their bank account balance. They worked hard their whole lives, but you can't squeeze more out of lowish paying jobs.

My ILs are on the path where they may seek support and it does rankle me a bit. They had a generous amount of money, but they've blown through it on expensive vacations, winter house rentals, dining out, cloths shopping, etc. OTOH, DH was always generous with my parents and told me never to worry when I was worrying about their finances, so I don't think I can say no even if it didn't need to come to this.

My advice is to give your parents more cash now and maybe even sock some of it away so that when the time comes to support in laws you would be less bummed about it

[Anonymous]

My siblings and I support our aging mom. She and my dad tried to do "all the right things", including having jobs with pensions and a modest lifestyle. Unfortunately, the money they set aside has not been enough to keep up with the endless pit of their medical expenses.

My dad has passed and this summer we are moving our mom to an county-supported memory care facility where they basically promise to keep her until she dies in exchange for all of her money (and some of ours up front).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even a question? I've been supporting my parents and in-law parents for the past twenty years. My in-law parents are currently living with us so that my wife can take good care of them. Without my parents' love and support when I was young, I would not be where I am today.

Where are you from? India?

And why does your wife have to take care of your parents? She must hate that.

[Anonymous]

My rule of thumb is that if you're not too old to deserve to be alive, you're not too old to be able to take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will have to support my dad. Like PP said, it really has nothing to do with what I am picturing. I had pictured him saving properly for retirement but that ship has long since sailed.

Who said retirement was a given? It's something that has to be earned. If he doesn't have enough to live on, then there's a simple solution for him; to go back to work. You don't owe him anything. He chose to bring you into this world. Responsibility flows downhill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this even a question? I've been supporting my parents and in-law parents for the past twenty years. My in-law parents are currently living with us so that my wife can take good care of them. Without my parents' love and support when I was young, I would not be where I am today.

But responsibility flows downhill. Your parents chose to bring you into this world, so they had an obligation to take care of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do with zero regrets. My parents live with us. I can't imagine them being anywhere else. I'd never put them in assisted living. They love and have supported me my entire life, and I've always planned to take care of them from when I was younger.

But responsibility flows downhill. Your parents brought you into the world, so they had an obligation to take care of you.

[Anonymous]

I'm all for paying it forward.