Question for cheaters: Doesn’t social media (and family iPhone tracking) make cheating super risky?

[Anonymous]

I have never cheated on my husband, I’m just so fascinated by people who do it when it (now) seems so easy to get caught. In addition to many families using iPhone and iPad location sharing, it is so easy for the third party in the affair to cyber-stalk your entire family tree and/or employer and casually expose you. How are people not paranoid a jilted mistress won’t send their spouse a simple Facebook message or random email to their public workplace email? Your and your spouse’s entire work history is on LinkedIn. Everything about your family in online. You pull up a Facebook account and you see connections you have in common.

I’d be so freaking paranoid. Ten and especially twenty years ago, none of this was at everyone’s fingertips. I don’t know how people do it now without having a panic attack.

[Anonymous]

Choose your AP wisely (usually this means also married and also has no interest in leaving family).
Don't share your location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Choose your AP wisely (usually this means also married and also has no interest in leaving family).
Don't share your location.

Most families already do share location. It’s not a big deal. It’d be super sketchy to suddenly stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choose your AP wisely (usually this means also married and also has no interest in leaving family).
Don't share your location.

Most families already do share location. It’s not a big deal. It’d be super sketchy to suddenly stop.

I don't know anyone that does. Why would you? It's creepy AF. I don't need to know when DH steps out for lunch and he doesn't need to know where I am at all times. It's strange and borderline abusive IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Counterpoint: these days it's so much easier to find an affair partner and arrange rendezvous. I mean, there are all sorts of apps for communicating secretly. As for tracking location, the cheater can just . . . tell the spouse where they'll actually be, just not who they'll be with.

Though it's true that jilted mistresses do sometimes expose the affair. Hell hath no fury . . .

[Anonymous]

I imagine you can’t be anywhere you’re not supposed to be. Like a hotel for a work trip.

[Anonymous]

As a former BW, I read OW forums for insight into their mindsets. It's interesting how angry they feel after a "DDay" when the wife starts monitoring electronics more, like it's some great injustice rather than a natural expectation of a partner who has broken trust but wants to stay in the relationship. They have all sorts of tips for how to resume contact . . . burner phones, sharing an email account and only writing "drafts," deleting a communication app after every use, etc. Of course, their poor inept MM may not have the initiative to jump through all these hoops, so a helpful OW will set up his account and give him an easy to remember password, etc. Anything to keep the supply of scraps coming! And they often like to opine, "I would never stay in a relationship where I had to require all of this from my partner." Yes dear, you are definitely in the position to judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choose your AP wisely (usually this means also married and also has no interest in leaving family).
Don't share your location.

Most families already do share location. It’s not a big deal. It’d be super sketchy to suddenly stop.

I don't know anyone that does. Why would you? It's creepy AF. I don't need to know when DH steps out for lunch and he doesn't need to know where I am at all times. It's strange and borderline abusive IMHO.

It’s actually not creepy at all. I’m safely guessing you’re not married with kids.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of families who do not check location. I never do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former BW, I read OW forums for insight into their mindsets. It's interesting how angry they feel after a "DDay" when the wife starts monitoring electronics more, like it's some great injustice rather than a natural expectation of a partner who has broken trust but wants to stay in the relationship. They have all sorts of tips for how to resume contact . . . burner phones, sharing an email account and only writing "drafts," deleting a communication app after every use, etc. Of course, their poor inept MM may not have the initiative to jump through all these hoops, so a helpful OW will set up his account and give him an easy to remember password, etc. Anything to keep the supply of scraps coming! And they often like to opine, "I would never stay in a relationship where I had to require all of this from my partner." Yes dear, you are definitely in the position to judge.

Even above and beyond the tracking, it takes 30 seconds max for a jilted or spiteful mistress — or a mistress rightfully pissed you lied about your separation or marriage — to expose you to your spouse in a Facebook message or work email. How are cheaters not a nervous wreck that message could come at any moment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of families who do not check location. I never do.

Okay, even aside from the family iPhone location monitoring, the mistress has your family and spouse’s life story at their fingertips.

[Anonymous]

I think it's very weird that adults track each other's locations. My husband and I do not, but I have a friend whose sister tracks him and sometimes asks what he was doing at such and such a location! This seems utterly bizarre and I asked him why he didn't turn it off. He said she would be furious if he did. I think they are unhealthily enmeshed.

But back to the question, if you don't have a precedent of sharing location, no need to worry about that.

[Anonymous]

Spouse and I have never shared locations on our iPhones.

[Anonymous]

Well, having busted my husband in this way, yes. It is super risky.

If you're assessing the stupidity of cheating rather than actually working on a relationship, then you're already miles ahead of these folks. They make stupid decisions because they've either given up, were never committed in the first place, or are irrevocably broken and their decision-making follows suit.

I agree it's hard to understand. In my situation I was always better tech than my H so it was inevitable that he'd be caught, and yet.

I told him he was never slick enough to have an affair, and that his hubris was as bad as his dishonesty. Then again I picked the guy so we both lose. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choose your AP wisely (usually this means also married and also has no interest in leaving family).
Don't share your location.

Most families already do share location. It’s not a big deal. It’d be super sketchy to suddenly stop.

I don't know anyone that does. Why would you? It's creepy AF. I don't need to know when DH steps out for lunch and he doesn't need to know where I am at all times. It's strange and borderline abusive IMHO.

It’s actually not creepy at all. I’m safely guessing you’re not married with kids.

I am married with 8 and 11yo kids. Sure, when mine goes off to MS they may have a dumb phone, but I won't track them for regular daily stuff. But I certainly would NEVER track my spouse or consent to being tracked unless I was hiking alone somewhere dangerous or something like that.