Is effing with someone a thing?
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Anonymous
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Dated a guy who came on strong, was attentive, polite, interested. But then he’d ghost for a few days without explanation. Twice he failed to show up for a date at all. He’d lovingly say he’d do something then fail to follow through. Or worse, he’d do the thing but mix in some other unpleasant aspect that would ruin the entire thing. Like for my birthday he gave me a novel that he said had a lot of meaning to him, but the inside had a note to “Nikki” (lol my name isn’t Nikki). Okay so he was effing with me. Like the entire time. But why? I didn’t do anything unkind to him. In fact, I actually really liked him and in many ways it seemed like he liked me too. But he kept effing with me. Super weird. If he didn’t like me, why not just dump me and move on? He chased me quite a bit after I broke up with him. I don’t get it.
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Anonymous
| Let it go and move on. Are you both 16? |
Anonymous
| He’s “effing” with you because you’re allowing him to. Desperate much? Are you “effing” effing him, too? |
Anonymous
Eh, no need to mock the term OP's using. It gets used here sometimes because the DCUM site rules sometimes seem to flag the actual term. |
Anonymous
I’m not mocking. She used the term, and I’m referring to it both as “messing” with someone, and “copulating” with them. But since you don’t like that, how about this. OP, he’s messing with you because, despite his treatment you keep crawling back. I’m assuming you are also an easy lay and you keep allowing him to sleep with you, so he comes back when he wants a warm place to put it. |
Anonymous
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I’m sure some people eff with people and also some people are easier to eff with.
You list here multiple occasions of a lack of integrity with this guy. He didn’t show up for dates twice, numerous times he said he would do something but then didn’t. I would say after one instance of either of these it should be time to walk away. The book thing? Done. Don’t show up for a date? Done. No follow through on commitments? Done. Or at the very very least a major conversation, resent and if there isn’t a good explanation and an immediate change up then DONE. It sounds like you kept going back for more. Don’t be so easy to eff with. |
Anonymous
The bold alone was enough to merit no more dates. Being a totally unexplained no-show in the early days of dating? Not even telling you he suddently got sick or had a work emergency (if his work is the type to have "emergencies")? The lack of any plausible explanation was sufficient for ending things with him. He either got a better offer for that same time, or cared so little that he flaked and forgot your date. Next time, end things after that point, if it happens again with some other guy. Don't blame yourself for his being a jerk, OP. You didn't do anything unkind to him; he's going to be like this with everyone. Self-centered and probably juggling various women who give him second and third chances after he fails to turn up because he's with someone else. The fact he chased you after you broke up? That makes him the kind who thinks of women as little trophies and who feels HE should be the one to break up with YOU. He probably wasn't truly interested in you at that point but instead wanted to show himself, and you, that he could get you back, that's all. It would not have lasted, considering his awful track record with you. Good riddance. Please do not waste time or energy thinking about "why did this happen" etc. Just move on and don't put up again with anyone who pulls the stuff he pulled on you. You deserve better. |
Anonymous
| Reset* (not resent) |
Anonymous
| Sounds like a covert narcissist |
Anonymous
| Why are you still seeing a guy who no showed once much less twice??? |
Anonymous
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The OP is the same troll poster from the ‘non consensual link’ post.
Another boring day in the incel world, op? |
Anonymous
| What you need to examine here is why you were willing to be treated this way, not what motivates him to do it (which is irrelevant to you). A guy doesn’t show up for a days— boy bye. No follow through? Bye. |
Anonymous
Can we stop blaming men’s bad behavior on women? He does it because he’s a jerk. Period. OP got it, albeit a little slower than you, and broke it off. End of story. |
Anonymous
I was that OP and no, this isn’t me. |
Anonymous
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^^ Thank you PP. This is OP. Yes of course I know I was too trusting and believed him when he said he said he got the date wrong and apologized etc etc. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and things were great again, until they weren’t. My question last night was Why would a grown man act so childishly. (Yes I know - why did I believe him .. a related but different topic.)
I reflected and each instance of him pulling a stunt seemed to be related to something I did. Like for example we were newly dating and I low-key asked him to do something nice for my birthday. His birthday falls on a major holiday. Through other things he’s said, I’m realizing he probably didn’t get much attention growing up on his birthday. I think the birthday thing irritated him. But instead of just going through the motions or whatever people usually do, he handled it in his own unique way. I guess you’d call it micro-punishment. Weirdly he did not break up with me. It was like the little punishments would even the score so we could get back to dating. On his terms. Anyway, thanks to all who commented. It was a stupid situation and I do need to reflect on my role in it. This post helped to crystallize what happened and put it behind me. |