How to handle this delicate situation?

[Anonymous]

Would love tips on how to handle a situation. I am in a leadership role at a company and oversee a function. Myself (woman) and a man from a similar but not identical part of the org (2 levels below me) ran and won a huge piece of business. Now we are doing the business, and me and the man are partnering on overseeing this part of it. The issue is the account lead always defers to the man. I guess she either trusts him more or knows him better or thinks he is better at his job than me. The problem is: a. It’s annoying - I have done the thing we are now doing for years and I know my sh*t too. B. I am busy with so many things - why am I wasting my time on this work if my opinion isn’t valued? I have no desire to create drama but I would like to address it and either back out of the room or establish a better way of working. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Switch up the format of the next meeting and lyou present the progress and then you dominate the meeting structure.

[Anonymous]

In this endeavor, are you and the man co-leads or are you really lead as you’re more senior and he’s been tasked to work with you?

If the former, you need tell the account executive to email both of you or include you equally in all correspondence/ meetings/ etc.

If you’re more senior you need to have a conversation without your counterpart and let them know you’re in charge and you’ve noticed they have been going to Bob, but need your input first.

Be direct. No man cares about feelings so you don’t need to either. State the problem, give the solution, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In this endeavor, are you and the man co-leads or are you really lead as you’re more senior and he’s been tasked to work with you?

If the former, you need tell the account executive to email both of you or include you equally in all correspondence/ meetings/ etc.

If you’re more senior you need to have a conversation without your counterpart and let them know you’re in charge and you’ve noticed they have been going to Bob, but need your input first.

Be direct. No man cares about feelings so you don’t need to either. State the problem, give the solution, move on.

I am senior but we are co leads
We are equally included but she always asks if he’s approved - for example- never asks if I have. Or asks what his opinion is but never mine. It’s so awkward

[Anonymous]

Do you disagree with your colead on what he has to say? Do you have an opinion? You are two levels above these guys, are you too shy to state your opinion unless asked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you disagree with your colead on what he has to say? Do you have an opinion? You are two levels above these guys, are you too shy to state your opinion unless asked?

We need to ‘approve’ and weigh in on multiple documents and assets. I am not shy to say my opinion but if I say what I think, the account team will always ask him if he concurs. If he isn’t there - they will wait for his input. If I’m not there - his input is considered the last word. Basically his opinion is valued more highly than mine. Of course it occurs to me that maybe he is better at his job! But I a. Have done what is being required multiple times in my career before and b. Was a big part of winning the business. So it’s all kind of a bummer

[Anonymous]

* or rather this one account lead

[Anonymous]

You need to get him on your side - make him a feminist. That way when he's asked if he agrees with you he can say "I'll defer to Haley on this - she's done this for years." and things like that over and over until they get the hint.

[Anonymous]

“Sally, I’m noticing that you’re deferring to Bob regarding decisions with this project. I’m wondering if there’s been a miscommunication about the fact that we are equal co-leads. Moving forward, I need to be included in all communications. When decisions are to be made, he and I will work together to make them. What questions might you have?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Sally, I’m noticing that you’re deferring to Bob regarding decisions with this project. I’m wondering if there’s been a miscommunication about the fact that we are equal co-leads. Moving forward, I need to be included in all communications. When decisions are to be made, he and I will work together to make them. What questions might you have?”

Yeah, something like this, cc Bob

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sally, I’m noticing that you’re deferring to Bob regarding decisions with this project. I’m wondering if there’s been a miscommunication about the fact that we are equal co-leads. Moving forward, I need to be included in all communications. When decisions are to be made, he and I will work together to make them. What questions might you have?”

Yeah, something like this, cc Bob

I like this too. Clear and simple.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just ask the accountant lady to include you in all correspondence?

It's not that hard and since you call yourself a senior leader you should have known to address this already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just ask the accountant lady to include you in all correspondence?

It's not that hard and since you call yourself a senior leader you should have known to address this already.

It’s not about correspondence - it’s more of an in person conversational issue - Eg during mtgs
Correspondence would be easier

[Anonymous]

I agree with the suggestion of getting "Bob" on your side. I also think maybe pulling this woman aside and addressing it directly with her might be a good idea.

"Sally, Bob's opinion is valuable, but we are co-leads on this project and I have several more years of experience than him so it's not necessary to verify his approval before making a decision. If I'm presenting to you then it means Bob is also on board."

[Anonymous]

Care about pleasing your client, not your ego.

He landed the business and she likes him. Keep her happy.

Is your presence necessary at the meetings? Could he just give you updates on how it is going.

Don’t take this personally , she is not your friend.