Braggadocios mother conveniently didn’t mention this bad news - - how to proceed

[Anonymous]

I have a family member with whom I no longer speak. We have a long history but for the sake of this post, she’s essentially the golden child and I’m the black sheep. My family is very toxic and any relationship I have with them is strictly out of obligation.

My mother loves to brag about the easily acquired successes of a particular family member. Despite expressing my desire not to discuss this person in any capacity and shutting it down when it happens, my mother always manages to first sneak in a brag about their high-paying job, expensive new house, luxurious travel, etc, etc.

So you can imagine my surprise today when I found out from an outside impartial source about two really big blows this person experienced this year. I was shocked!

So here I am. Both of these things happened in January. If they had been happy things, I have zero doubts my mother wouldn’t have made a phone call to me just to fit in a brag. It’s ironic though that she hasn’t even spoken about these setbacks. I want to be the bigger person, but a part of me wants to rub this in my moms face. DCUM, please talk me down and help me process this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a family member with whom I no longer speak. We have a long history but for the sake of this post, she’s essentially the golden child and I’m the black sheep. My family is very toxic and any relationship I have with them is strictly out of obligation.

My mother loves to brag about the easily acquired successes of a particular family member. Despite expressing my desire not to discuss this person in any capacity and shutting it down when it happens, my mother always manages to first sneak in a brag about their high-paying job, expensive new house, luxurious travel, etc, etc.

So you can imagine my surprise today when I found out from an outside impartial source about two really big blows this person experienced this year. I was shocked!

So here I am. Both of these things happened in January. If they had been happy things, I have zero doubts my mother wouldn’t have made a phone call to me just to fit in a brag. It’s ironic though that she hasn’t even spoken about these setbacks. I want to be the bigger person, but a part of me wants to rub this in my moms face. DCUM, please talk me down and help me process this.

You are finding delight in these "blows". MYOB

[Anonymous]

Omg OP, you need a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? Seriously, why do you care?

[Anonymous]

"Hey, Mom, bad things happened to Larla. You brag about her, but she lost her job and her husband has cancer. Hahahahaha!"

How stupid does that sound?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Hey, Mom, bad things happened to Larla. You brag about her, but she lost her job and her husband has cancer. Hahahahaha!"

How stupid does that sound?

This is how I feel, minus the haha. I don’t find it funny. I don’t find it anything. I just find it - - something - - that my mother loves to brag for the sake of bragging but is silent about this since it’s not brag worthy. It’s not fun for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Hey, Mom, bad things happened to Larla. You brag about her, but she lost her job and her husband has cancer. Hahahahaha!"

How stupid does that sound?

This is how I feel, minus the haha. I don’t find it funny. I don’t find it anything. I just find it - - something - - that my mother loves to brag for the sake of bragging but is silent about this since it’s not brag worthy. It’s not fun for me.

So stop investing in it. Your mom likes to brag. Why would she mention something not bragworthy? This is hardly surprising. It's totally predictable and boring and you don't even care about this person. Treat it like you would if it were some random stranger.

[Anonymous]

Just call her and say “so how’s Larla doing?” That should be enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Hey, Mom, bad things happened to Larla. You brag about her, but she lost her job and her husband has cancer. Hahahahaha!"

How stupid does that sound?

This is how I feel, minus the haha. I don’t find it funny. I don’t find it anything. I just find it - - something - - that my mother loves to brag for the sake of bragging but is silent about this since it’s not brag worthy. It’s not fun for me.

I doesn’t sound like this is about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a family member with whom I no longer speak. We have a long history but for the sake of this post, she’s essentially the golden child and I’m the black sheep. My family is very toxic and any relationship I have with them is strictly out of obligation.

My mother loves to brag about the easily acquired successes of a particular family member. Despite expressing my desire not to discuss this person in any capacity and shutting it down when it happens, my mother always manages to first sneak in a brag about their high-paying job, expensive new house, luxurious travel, etc, etc.

So you can imagine my surprise today when I found out from an outside impartial source about two really big blows this person experienced this year. I was shocked!

So here I am. Both of these things happened in January. If they had been happy things, I have zero doubts my mother wouldn’t have made a phone call to me just to fit in a brag. It’s ironic though that she hasn’t even spoken about these setbacks. I want to be the bigger person, but a part of me wants to rub this in my moms face. DCUM, please talk me down and help me process this.

DCUM is here for you - give us some details on these setbacks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Hey, Mom, bad things happened to Larla. You brag about her, but she lost her job and her husband has cancer. Hahahahaha!"

How stupid does that sound?

This is how I feel, minus the haha. I don’t find it funny. I don’t find it anything. I just find it - - something - - that my mother loves to brag for the sake of bragging but is silent about this since it’s not brag worthy. It’s not fun for me.

I doesn’t sound like this is about you.

What I’m trying to say is, it was apparent today that my mom is weaponizing these brags to hurt me, or at least that’s my perception now. She’s not just making conversation about this family member in general, or she would have mentioned it. I heard about how her random bingo friend had a tree fall through her house. I heard about how her neighbor came home with their car’s rear end smashed in. So she’s only telling me things to hurt me, not to inform me of her life in a general way.

[Anonymous]

How fun to say braggadocious.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I feel for you.

I realized at some point that my mom was not on my side and it stung a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Hey, Mom, bad things happened to Larla. You brag about her, but she lost her job and her husband has cancer. Hahahahaha!"

How stupid does that sound?

This is how I feel, minus the haha. I don’t find it funny. I don’t find it anything. I just find it - - something - - that my mother loves to brag for the sake of bragging but is silent about this since it’s not brag worthy. It’s not fun for me.

But that is what bragging is for….. to say the positive things. It would be gossipy for her to call just to tell you the set backs and negative things. But I suppose you would like that.

Would you like it if your mom constantly told this person all the not good things about you? She wouldn’t, because it’s not fun.

[Anonymous]

You don’t sound like a good person.