Are you envious of your sibling if they are much more wealthy than you?

[Anonymous]

We are average, middle class. My sister and her husband probably have $150,000 more than us a year.

(This isn’t a post asking how we can have more money/saving.)

To many, we live an envious and great life. We are happy. We do, however, have to “save for a new couch”, clothes are from old navy, and we drive to vacations and stay with family, or use hotel points for a Fairfield.

My sister works long hours and always has, so I’m not jealous of that.

Sometimes, though, I get jealous of their big vacations ($20,000+ for a week), weekly manicures, Botox, and house furnishings.

I’m curious to hear from others in my boat. I’m not curious to hear from people like my sister, haha.

[Anonymous]

Jealousy can be strange. We are government workers with steady, consistent lifestyle. We did not take extravagant vacations, and our kids went to public school. We raised our kids in Virginia, which my siblings considered lower class.
I lived a lifestyle I was comfortable with. I come a large family that values money and status. I was always looked down on, and it was thought that I was jealous of my siblings.
Fast forward. We are now older, and our kids are grown. We have a solid marriage, great kids, grandkids, that we adore, and a pension and fabulous medical benefits.
My siblings who were considered more successful, are now tanking along with their money.
It’s really ironic how things work out Count your blessings. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s world.

[Anonymous]

No. I wish I had things like a bathtub and dishwasher, but I’m not jealous of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy can be strange. We are government workers with steady, consistent lifestyle. We did not take extravagant vacations, and our kids went to public school. We raised our kids in Virginia, which my siblings considered lower class.
I lived a lifestyle I was comfortable with. I come a large family that values money and status. I was always looked down on, and it was thought that I was jealous of my siblings.
Fast forward. We are now older, and our kids are grown. We have a solid marriage, great kids, grandkids, that we adore, and a pension and fabulous medical benefits.
My siblings who were considered more successful, are now tanking along with their money.
It’s really ironic how things work out Count your blessings. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s world.

Why are they tanking?

[Anonymous]

Just keep plugging along, OP.

We seemed to be doing less well than my husband's brothers for many years. Then our investments turned out better than anyone thought and now one of them's sort of snarky about it.

You never know what will happen in the future. Live your best life. Be happy.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. She may be wealthy, but I would not want her life. At all.

[Anonymous]

Not me. DH and I are comfortable. My sister and her DH earn somewhere around 10x what we earn and live in a much lower cost of living area. Their home is about 8x larger than ours. They take amazing vacations, trust funds for their kids (huge, beautiful family), private schools, BIL is getting his pilot’s license and they’re trying to decide which plane to buy. However, their huge blended family comes with a lot of baggage, legal fees, and constant drama. My sister has untreated mental illness and has trouble keeping friends. They live in an extremely conservative area that lacks diversity. They have to drive 50+ miles for shopping other than Walmart or entertainment other than a movie theater.

I’m not saying her life isn’t great. She has so much to be happy about, but so do I. We chose different paths for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Envy is the thief of joy. This is a YOU problem OP. Work on yourself.

[Anonymous]

You’re not jealous, you’re envious of your sister’s lifestyle and money. (Jealousy is the feeling of being threatened by the relationship someone you care about has with another person.) And your sister is not “more wealthy.” She’s wealthier. Focus on building your vocabulary. That will help distract you from these feelings of inadequacy and envy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Envy is the thief of joy. This is a YOU problem OP. Work on yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds like you want a bigger personal care budget. Can you find something to cut back on so you can get Botox? Vacations are harder but if you really want a weekly manicure, you should be able to wiggle something to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like you want a bigger personal care budget. Can you find something to cut back on so you can get Botox? Vacations are harder but if you really want a weekly manicure, you should be able to wiggle something to get it.

Not at all. It’s a question of feelings and relationships.

But I’m probably asking the wrong website since I’m quite poor compared to the posters on DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not jealous, you’re envious of your sister’s lifestyle and money. (Jealousy is the feeling of being threatened by the relationship someone you care about has with another person.) And your sister is not “more wealthy.” She’s wealthier. Focus on building your vocabulary. That will help distract you from these feelings of inadequacy and envy.

That’s not the definition of jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are average, middle class. My sister and her husband probably have $150,000 more than us a year.

(This isn’t a post asking how we can have more money/saving.)

To many, we live an envious and great life. We are happy. We do, however, have to “save for a new couch”, clothes are from old navy, and we drive to vacations and stay with family, or use hotel points for a Fairfield.

My sister works long hours and always has, so I’m not jealous of that.

Sometimes, though, I get jealous of their big vacations ($20,000+ for a week), weekly manicures, Botox, and house furnishings.

I’m curious to hear from others in my boat. I’m not curious to hear from people like my sister, haha.

Pair those two so it’s better linked in your mind. If she is off to get Botox again, tell yourself “I don’t want my sister’s life because she works such long hours and that’s not the choice I would make.” If she talks about her next vacation, remind yourself that “She is going on this vacation because she works such long hours, I like the balance I have between work and leisure time more.” You are making active choices for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are average, middle class. My sister and her husband probably have $150,000 more than us a year.

(This isn’t a post asking how we can have more money/saving.)

To many, we live an envious and great life. We are happy. We do, however, have to “save for a new couch”, clothes are from old navy, and we drive to vacations and stay with family, or use hotel points for a Fairfield.

My sister works long hours and always has, so I’m not jealous of that.

Sometimes, though, I get jealous of their big vacations ($20,000+ for a week), weekly manicures, Botox, and house furnishings.

I’m curious to hear from others in my boat. I’m not curious to hear from people like my sister, haha.

Your feelings sound fairly normal. In fact, you may not necessarily notice the gap with random folks, but more likely with people with whom you have regular contact.

I knew early on in my career that I just did not have the constitution to work long hours (e.g., law associate long hours) so I passed on law school. When younger, I was cognizant that their friends who could afford more than me, but I would remind myself about my luxury of hours and autonomy over my free time.