Sibling rivalry between MIDDLE AGED siblings??

[Anonymous]

Is this a thing?

I notice it among my inlaws.

DH is 63, his sisters are 50 and 56. Everything seems to be a competition. If one sibling does or has something worth telling the others then another sibling wants to do or have something similar, but more or better.
They post pictures of whatever 'it' is on the family group chat.

There also seems to be this constant competition about who does what and how much, or how often, for their elderly mother who is a widow. The bigger the better.

My SILs especially seem to be very competitive, especially around gaining their mother's approval. DH not so much, he thinks one of his sisters is too competitive and he tends to stay out of it, or reply with a fairly neutral response on the family group chat.

I am surprised this is still happening at their age.

I'm an only child so I never had to compete with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Some people are VERY insecure.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s a thing. Not everyone wakes up one morning at some arbitrary adult age and magically sheds lifelong family patterns and dynamics. Some people do, of course, either from overall maturity, or from making a deliberate effort to do so. And, of course, lifelong patterns can be positive or neutral as well. In many families, for example, the older child / younger child dynamic might be lifelong to some extent.

[Anonymous]

My mother (62) has a long history of having fallings out/drama with her sisters. My dad’s side of the family also has drama, where all of the kids range from 55-70.

It is a thing, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Totally a thing. Middle she is when all of your little life choices add up and are tallied. There's not a lot of road left to make course corrections. Middle age is prime time for insecurities and jealousies

[Anonymous]

That's not middle aged unless they have a trend in their family of living to between 100 and 120 years old. They are carrying their family dynamic into old age and likely will never change.

[Anonymous]

Ha this reminds me that often we expect kids to be more emotionally mature than adults. I’m lucky to have never dealt directly with this except for the barbs my aunt and mom throw at each other once and a while, the same sort of things you’ll think it was wrong of children to say to each other.

[Anonymous]

My mom and her siblings- yes. Mainly between the women (my uncle is the youngest and they all kind of doted on him so it's a different dynamic).

My dad and his siblings- not at all. It's like night and day. If anything my mom compares herself with some of the other spouses.

I think a lot of it has to do with how they were raised, my maternal grandmother, although a really lovely grandmother, was maybe not the best with her own kids and had a tendency to pit them against eachother. My paternal grandmother was just a calmer, more secure person and also had more kids so didn't have time for any of that, lol.

[Anonymous]

I have cousins early 70s who are so bad it's uncomfortable to be around.

Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally a thing. Middle she is when all of your little life choices add up and are tallied. There's not a lot of road left to make course corrections. Middle age is prime time for insecurities and jealousies

This is OP. I notice their competitive behaviour seems to be getting worse, or at least more noticeable, whether it's about properties, or the relationship with their mother, or their work, or their kid's achievements or whatever.
And all these things are posted and usually followed up by pictures on the family group chat.

[Anonymous]

OP, don’t you have anything better to do than complain about your in laws? It’s so cliche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a thing?

I notice it among my inlaws.

DH is 63, his sisters are 50 and 56. Everything seems to be a competition. If one sibling does or has something worth telling the others then another sibling wants to do or have something similar, but more or better.
They post pictures of whatever 'it' is on the family group chat.

There also seems to be this constant competition about who does what and how much, or how often, for their elderly mother who is a widow. The bigger the better.

My SILs especially seem to be very competitive, especially around gaining their mother's approval. DH not so much, he thinks one of his sisters is too competitive and he tends to stay out of it, or reply with a fairly neutral response on the family group chat.

I am surprised this is still happening at their age.

I'm an only child so I never had to compete with anyone.

I'd look at the MIL--is she driving it by withholding love, affection or respect? I know my parents try to pit me and my siblings against each other even now that we're in our 30s and 40s. I moved on from caring years ago, but everytime we're together as a family my parents do their best to reignite competition between us. It's a terrible dynamic and I do my best to just walk away, but it's hard to avoid being sucked in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a thing?

I notice it among my inlaws.

DH is 63, his sisters are 50 and 56. Everything seems to be a competition. If one sibling does or has something worth telling the others then another sibling wants to do or have something similar, but more or better.
They post pictures of whatever 'it' is on the family group chat.

There also seems to be this constant competition about who does what and how much, or how often, for their elderly mother who is a widow. The bigger the better.

My SILs especially seem to be very competitive, especially around gaining their mother's approval. DH not so much, he thinks one of his sisters is too competitive and he tends to stay out of it, or reply with a fairly neutral response on the family group chat.

I am surprised this is still happening at their age.

I'm an only child so I never had to compete with anyone.

I'd look at the MIL--is she driving it by withholding love, affection or respect? I know my parents try to pit me and my siblings against each other even now that we're in our 30s and 40s. I moved on from caring years ago, but everytime we're together as a family my parents do their best to reignite competition between us. It's a terrible dynamic and I do my best to just walk away, but it's hard to avoid being sucked in.

OP here. MIL is lovely but she is closer to - and therefore favors - the SIL who is the middle child.
In simplistic terms I think the other 2 adult children are trying to impress their mother in order to gain 'brownie points' and as a result the favored middle child SIL is responding by trying to outdo DH (eldest) and her sister (youngest) to stay at the top of the pecking order.

I know this all sounds very dramatic and more context is probably needed, but sometimes this one-upmanship is obvious and sometimes it is subtle.

My DH is the more subtle of the 3 and when he does things for his mother he just does them, rather than posting about it on social media.

[Anonymous]

Are there any grandchildren? I grew up with siblings rivalry. This trying to please their mom stuff is kind of odd. Usually the grandkids are all that matter, at least in my culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there any grandchildren? I grew up with siblings rivalry. This trying to please their mom stuff is kind of odd. Usually the grandkids are all that matter, at least in my culture.

Middle child SIL has 1 child (now a young adult), the other SIL also has 1 child (preteen).

DH and I don't have kids.