Confused
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Anonymous
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Question:
1. If a 4th grader is not grasping concepts, falling behind, and at this point failing —-what are fair expectations from the school? Should it be fair to think the teacher would contact the parents to discuss and see what can be done? 2. Now what if the 4th grader has ADD and now an anxiety disorder, parents have been concerned since October and began submitting multiple inquiries only to have her standardize test presented reassuring us that she was where she needed to be. Short version, we have 3 issues: 1. DD is failing 2. We believe she is being mistreated = exacerbating DD special needs. 3. There are reasons to believe this intentional (mult. Inquires based on review of work sent home, conference request ignored, and reassured she was doing okay-). It was identified early teacher didn’t like DD, ignored her, treated her differently, talked to her differently, embarrassed her in front of her peers, etc. we noticed DD challenges and made minor suggestions- teacher lost it. Has to involve principal. We believe she is trying to prove a point and punish DD. The first time I contacted Principal I said I’m fearful of retaliation on DD. Things got worse for DD as soon as we spoke up. It was addressed and then teacher became more covert with who she treated my daughter. Background: 9 yo daughter has ADD. We became suspicious when she was 4 and monitored. We made modifications and sometimes asked for little things here and there in class. Just having more checkins with teacher, we would review her daily routine for class because she struggled. Visual cues and routines/consistency at home. She has surprisingly done well and scores above average specifically math since kindergarten. This year she started AAP. The current class were a little ahead because she didn’t start in 3rd. Got her a tutor over the summer to close gap. She continues to work with tutor once a week. 4th grade starts and she excels in all areas, but now significant issues in math. She has always had a heightened sense of people. In terms of moods etc. All of sudden by second week she starts telling me her math teacher doesn’t like her. I know we are biased when it comes to our kids?, but I knew she was being honest. Then it led to mom she won’t call on me in class. She talks to be differently. Then we had the displeasure of witnessing this first hand. Week 3 I asked DD why she hasn’t had any homework? She seemed a bit all over the place. I sent an email to the teachers. I get a very unpleasant email from math teacher. My daughter is not organized, not bringing appropriate notebooks to class, has argued with her about missing assignments, Etc. I asked DD to bring everything home and it was indeed a disaster. I started making suggestions one was can we get her one binder so when she picks it up she knows she has everything. Shot it down— said it would be confusing. OK. made a few additional suggestions because the disorganization was over stimulating. It escalated quickly. I believe in starting with the source and never imagined it would end this way. In my gut I knew it would now be a this teachers sole purpose to prove my daughter didn’t belong and was incapable of learning.I didn’t want to believe this but her ego to be right was obvious. I planted in the back of my mind and told myself it wouldn’t be the case. This is what we believe to be the motive because she continued to watch our daughter “struggle”, didn’t follow 504, created an environment where my daughter will not ask questions. DD continues to excel in all other courses, corrects me if I make an error when reviewing math (they have a new style and I’m rusty), has glowing remarks regarding her behavior and performance from everyone but this teacher. DD has never complained about school or teacher until now. DD has always done an excellent job of articulating emotions and explaining her reasoning/source. So much so many adults have commented about this. HER 2nd grade was stern and vey matter fact. She treated all her students this way and ran a tight ship. The issue is she only doing this to my daughter unlike the 2nd grade teacher. She never complained. School refuses to tell us where our daughter falls relative to class—ok so what can anyone tell us to paint the picture? The pull standardize test results which continue to exceed averages. So then why is the school not looking into why my child is failing. Please note we recognize our child has challenges, we work with her daily, we keep up with everything happening online, agenda,etc. we are advocates and got a coach, kept the math tutor (who says she is doing great when reviewing class work and concepts). This is the only class she has ever had an issue. |
Anonymous
| Does she have a 504 or IEP? Have you contacted the counselor? |
Anonymous
| OP, you are being way too demanding and with this list of demands you need an IEP. Or private. But you’re being treated as if you’re unreasonable because, you are. Public schools are not equipped to deal with kids who can’t help themselves at 10. Ask me how I know. You can keep barking up this tree and getting all pissy or you can just go ahead, get her evaluated and get an proper IEP or pursue private school. Kids who are 2E which she could be - honestly in MCPS being in aap seems totally irrelevant for most kids, as only the truly behind are not - need support if they can’t function in a typical classroom, obviously, but you need to go through the appropriate channels to get that just like everyone else. |
Anonymous
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I totally disagree with PP. I’m an experienced special ed teacher. You need to put your concerns in writing to the principal and the principal’s supervisor. Include the guidance counselor. Give specific facts in bullet form with evidence if you have it, like copies of emails. You can tell the principal that you will need to contact your school board member. They hate that.
Sometimes there is a crappy teacher and everyone knows it, and principals are waiting for parent complaints and documentation to get rid of them. Can she switch to another math teacher? Her emotional health is the main thing, and good for you for sticking up for your kid. This is not okay. |
Anonymous
Agree with this. Our DC is in AAP and the teacher last year was overwhelmed but trying. It doesn't sound like that's the case for you. Document, ask for meetings, and ask for a different teacher. Make waves, be the squeaky wheel. |
Anonymous
Are you the poster from a couple of months ago that complained the teacher didn’t like your complicated binder organization for her class? And the teacher insisted that your child do it their way? |
Anonymous
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My child has had an IEP since K. 4th grade went so badly we had to medicate for his severe ADHD.
Schools do not have the resources to help a student unless they are identified and are attributed an IEP or a 504. The diagnosis isn’t enough, because this isn’t a hospital, it’s a school and the documentation is different and heavier. You need to jump through ALL THE HOOPS. Get her evaluated at Stixrud’s, the waitlist is several months, pay the damm fee of several thousands and ask for an IEP on the strength of the report. Or go to another psychologist. Do not ask the school for an evaluation, their interest is to minimize the result. A parent needs to fo extra work when their kid has special needs. It’s not fair, but that’s how it is. Do your job!!! |
Anonymous
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Thanks- it was already so long.
Yes—100% agree that a teacher can only do so much and if beyond her capacity please tell someone. I can respect that the teacher doesn’t have the capacity and willing to support in anyway possible- that includes moving her to another class. Im researching a new school. But why extract her from a school that she continues to love and her friends if there are solutions. If there aren’t solutions okay then it’s my responsibility to do it. I’m frustrated that she is gatekeeping the information such that we can’t better support the teacher and DD. Teachers have it hard enough. I just wanted confirmation that things weren’t working. We’re things as bad as we thought? Had her tested she has high iq and adhd. I’m working with an ADHD coach to navigate a system that is new. She has a 504 and I’m researching an IEP. There is 2E. I had side conversations with APrincipal to try to get a feel of what reasonable expectations. Leadership acknowledged teacher is “different” and it just seemed they wanted to say more and couldn’t. I think DD has challenges but given she has never had an issue with any teacher (even the strictest) she has never complained. I checked in with every single teacher and they all said she is doing excellent. I think it turned into a vent and teacher bash (because it did). There are personal experiences that impacts my response and makes me want to support and fight for my child if needed. I do appreciate the feedback regarding my personal behavior. Thank you. All of that put aside. I acknowledge the past doesn’t always help the future. What’s done is done and what can be done next? 1. Is it common practice to notify the parents if an elementary student is failing? 2.DD needs an environment where she is learning. An environment where she feels safe to learn and grow. If there is a learning need get her support she needs. 3. I also recognize executive dysfunction. She is capable. When we sit with her at home and create an environment where she feels supported she thrives. When we are stressed and overwhelmed because we have a lot to squeeze in that day and rush—— she shuts down. She has |
Anonymous
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I’m so long winded— but if anyone takes the time to read. I hope I don’t contradict myself. I’m trying to process and my emotions are in my way.
We are willing to do the work and as a newbie felt we are doing everything we can think to do. We just wish could work together with the school. By no means do I wish the school to do everything. Priorities are that she learns. Private school sounds great, but who has that kind of money laying around? I would prefer to see what I can do with these lemons first. From anyone on the other side/educators etc. How would you prefer a parent to handle a child who is failing? What are fair expectations from the school? |
Anonymous
| Why exactly is she failing? Not turning in assignments that she has completed? Bombing the tests because she's anxious? Bombing the tests because she doesn't understand the material? |
Anonymous
| OP, if your communications to the teacher and the school were like this, they are also confused. It sounds like you’ve repeatedly demanded special treatment. It’s not reasonable to expect individual constant attention and accommodations in public school without an IEP. That’s why they exist. Get one. |
Anonymous
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I also do not understand how your child is failing. What is she failing at? Why do you need to see test scores for the class? It's not your business how other kids in the class are doing.
I think you need to look at your own writing style as part of the problem. If you communicate with the teacher and the school the way you wrote this, they won't understand you very well. Because I don't. It seems like you've jumped to the conclusion that the teacher dislikes your DD, and are making all sorts of personal accusations, but I can't figure out what the actual problem is. Teachers don't have to use every different parent's preferred binder scheme-- especially if it's not on an IEP. |
Anonymous
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NP here. I'm confused too. Is she actually failing math, or just not doing as well as she has previously? Because I think they are trying to show you that she is not failing math (by their definition) by pulling out the standardized test scores, which would likely show her score relative to peers.
My understanding is that you have to be *really* far behind to qualify for an IEP. You can of course submit your own assessment that documents a disability in math, but it sounds like she's struggling--as many students are in math post-pandemic--and has a crummy fit for a teacher. It sucks, but it happens! I would follow the advice of PPs who say to document your concerns about her learning, as well as how the teacher is working with both her AND you, and support her the best you can at home. When my son was in 4th a few years back, kids were still wild about Prodigy and all the learning games they could do online. Supplement there and try to straighten out the issues with the teacher in terms of when work is submitted, or how it can be submitted so you can ensue it's happening. |
Anonymous
| Is she failing? Or struggling? |
Anonymous
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I would move her out of APP if she's struggling that much. And, I'd ask for an IEP and do a private evaluation if you haven't to make sure it's done properly.
I think some teachers have unrealistic expectations of kids that age. In ES. they should have an assignment book. Our teachers always checked it and signed off for every child, not just SN kids. Better teachers would regularly send out group emails to let parents know what's going on but that was rare. At a minimum, ask for a teacher change. A bad teacher can really screw things up. |