How do you deal with dating the first year if college?
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Anonymous
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I have an 18 year old college freshman involved with a 24 year old. Same sex . I'm a little concerned about the age difference. I think 6 years is a big deal at this stage in life.But my main concern is that this person has a more complicated life than my DC and I'm not sure if my DC can handle that right now.
At the same time I realize that DC is technically an adult and having relationships that may not be the best is part of that. I don't want to interfere. I just want to bring up my concerns without alienating DC . Any suggestions. |
Anonymous
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If you don't want to interfere, don't interfere. Hopefully your 18yr old has had multiple relationships in high school and can handle their feelings and understanding of a relationship.
You can mention a 6yr age gap is a lot to get through, even if it seems simple right now. Would your freshman date a 12yr old or have anything in common with them? But overall just say they should be careful and take things slowly. |
Anonymous
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Hey where are all the "My kid isn't going to date until college"
Could you imagine? |
Anonymous
Don’t do it. |
Anonymous
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Op here. I don't understand the last 2 posts. For one I never said my child has not dated.
Secondly, I don't see how dating in highschool is any real preparation for dating as a college student. |
Anonymous
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OP unfortunately you are right your child is an adult and there is nothing you can do.
Saying something will just push them together more and hurt your relationship. And yes dating in HS is a preparation. But not everyone dates in HS for many reasons. I doubt that is the main issue here. Where did they meet? This age gap seems odd for a college freshman. And is your child still doing well? In other words grades are good? Any other concerns? Do you know anything about who they are dating? Ie does that person have a job, grad student something to be productive daily? Most likely you will have to watch how this plays out and hopefully your child picked a good egg. |
Anonymous
| It depends, are they male or female? |
Anonymous
Op here They met outside of school my child has varied interests and met through one of these activities. My child is doing well in school , but has of late been talking about dropping out to pursue one of these activities full time. This has been discussed in the past and I thought we'd come to a compromise of going to school getting solid training in something and doing the hobby on the side . It seems to me under the influence of this person they are thinking more seriously about dropping out. I'm also not clear what their relationship is at times it seems my child has a crush and is friendly with the other person. At times it seems that there's more. It also seems like this person is dating someone else. My child has been pretty vague with this. I don't think they have a steady reliable/ traditional job. Seems like a lot of partying to me I'm not naive I know that my kid will drink and party but seems like a lot to me. |
Anonymous
| Has DC ever had a sexual relationship with the opposite sex? |
Anonymous
| At least you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. |
Anonymous
Sorry, this is bunk. |
Anonymous
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You are being vague about what sex, which isn't helpful. The dating culture and reality for younger gay men and younger gay women is pretty different so it matters.
If your 18 year old boy is involved with a partying unemployed 24 year old gay guy with multiple partners, that's got some real health issues you should think about and cover with your son. Whether or not he keeps going to college would not be my main concern at that point. |
Anonymous
| If you just want to bring up your concerns without alienating your kid; then I suggest you ask your kid if they are open to hearing your opinions. If you just start lecturing or talking about how your kid can’t handle this or that then you will sound like a Charlie Brown parent. Everyone thinks they are mature and everyone thinks they know more about their own lives and partners than their parents- and sometimes they are correct. All you can do is say, “look, I know and respect the fact that you are an adult and will make your own decisions. Are you interested in hearing my thoughts about xyz? If not, I will butt out.” If the answer is no, just shut up. If it doesn’t work out you want to be a person they can come to without worrying about losing face or “I told you so.” |
Anonymous
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I would say that I’m glad they’ve found someone they connect with but just to be aware of how the power differential might affect relationship dynamics.
I would also encourage them to make time for making new friends at their college because the first year is the best time to do that. |
Anonymous
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My niece dropped out of college after her first semester to go live with a man in his mid 20s and work with him and his yoga studio halfway across the country. This was about 10 years ago and I still had small kids so didn't really understand how freaked out my sister was but did a great job keeping her cool to her kid. Now that I have a college freshman I get it.
Long story short, niece came to her senses on her own and was back at her college the following fall and later graduated, got a good job, etc. Sometimes they just need reality to smack them in the face and they learn. |