Toddler discipline

[Anonymous]

Any methods or book suggestions for toddler discipline? We haven't had too many issues so far but I think we might be getting into it. I was taken aback last night when my 22 month old was upset that a toy wasn't doing something he wanted it to do. He then shoved the toy at me to try to get me to "fix" it while aggressively yelling at me. He's done the thing where he's gotten upset at a toy plenty of times but this was the first time he's ever screamed at me in anger like that. I told him he cannot yell at his mother like that then took the toy away. There was a bit of a tantrum but he got over it pretty quickly, so I guess my approach worked out fine. I can just see behavior becoming more of an issue and want to make sure I have some framework in place for how to handle.

[Anonymous]

Call your pediatrician. IE make an appointment with a professional not randos on the internet.

I know this is hard the magic box is so hard to use but Amazon has some great books on this as well.

[Anonymous]

1-2-3 Magic. Recommended by my pediatrician, recommended by my mother (Child Psychologist) and worked great for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call your pediatrician. IE make an appointment with a professional not randos on the internet.

I know this is hard the magic box is so hard to use but Amazon has some great books on this as well.

I hope you’re kidding? Waste the pediatricians time to say your toddler is acting like a toddler?

[Anonymous]

That sounds like perfectly average toddler behavior and I think you handled it perfectly well.

[Anonymous]

That interaction seems normal as does your response. If it was alarming to you, I suggest reading a few parenting books that will help you understand that this is normal. Age 2-4 usually involves a good bit of pushback, assertiveness, learning to manage emotions, etc. It wears you down after a while and it's helpful to have a good understanding of what causes it and some tools for addressing it. Some books that will be helpful (none are a magic bullet, I would just read a few to get a sense, even skim part you don't have to read the entire thing):

1-2-3 Magic
How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk (more for older kids but I thin there's a toddler version and the underlying concepts are helpful generally)
The Happiest Toddler on the Block
The Whole Brain Child
No-Drama Discipline
The Importance of Being Little

I didn't love all of these and I didn't read all of any of them. I would just pick one up at the library each time I went and read a few chapters before bed until I had a gist, then pick up a different one the next month or so. They wind up saying a lot of similar stuff. My biggest takeaway is this:

Very young children learn best by modeling the behavior you want them to have. So if your goal is for your child to be calm, not reactive, you have to discipline yourself to respond to their behavior (all their behavior) calmly and not reactively. If your goal is for them to be respectful towards you (please, thank you, sharing, kind words) you must be respectful to them even when they are behaving poorly. If you want them to respect and share with others, you must model that behavior with your spouse, other children, your family, strangers on the street. And so on. The hardest but most worthwhile aspect of discipline when it comes to young kids is disciplining yourself so that you can show them a way to be in the world that is calm, kind, and curious.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That interaction seems normal as does your response. If it was alarming to you, I suggest reading a few parenting books that will help you understand that this is normal. Age 2-4 usually involves a good bit of pushback, assertiveness, learning to manage emotions, etc. It wears you down after a while and it's helpful to have a good understanding of what causes it and some tools for addressing it. Some books that will be helpful (none are a magic bullet, I would just read a few to get a sense, even skim part you don't have to read the entire thing):

1-2-3 Magic
How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk (more for older kids but I thin there's a toddler version and the underlying concepts are helpful generally)
The Happiest Toddler on the Block
The Whole Brain Child
No-Drama Discipline
The Importance of Being Little

I didn't love all of these and I didn't read all of any of them. I would just pick one up at the library each time I went and read a few chapters before bed until I had a gist, then pick up a different one the next month or so. They wind up saying a lot of similar stuff. My biggest takeaway is this:

Very young children learn best by modeling the behavior you want them to have. So if your goal is for your child to be calm, not reactive, you have to discipline yourself to respond to their behavior (all their behavior) calmly and not reactively. If your goal is for them to be respectful towards you (please, thank you, sharing, kind words) you must be respectful to them even when they are behaving poorly. If you want them to respect and share with others, you must model that behavior with your spouse, other children, your family, strangers on the street. And so on. The hardest but most worthwhile aspect of discipline when it comes to young kids is disciplining yourself so that you can show them a way to be in the world that is calm, kind, and curious.

Good luck!

Last paragraph is especially on point.

[Anonymous]

No bad kids is good.

22 months is so, so little. It sounds like your expectations for comprehension and self control are way off. I’m not suggesting you don’t address those behaviors, but it shouldn’t be with scolding.

[Anonymous]

Teach good manners. It's basic and the foundtation.

[Anonymous]

No time out. When misbehaves, explain the child about the cause and effect. We take care of ourselves and our things.
If the child is angry or sad let the child sit down and let him calm down by itself. Only they can do it. Before leaving the child to calm down say, when you are feeling better you are welcome to join and play, etc

[Anonymous]

No Bad Kids completely changed the way I patented my toddlers in a VERY GOOD way. I still use things I learned from that book. It’s made me a more empathetic parent than I ever had. But I am still strict and have high standards for behavior. But I don’t expect robot children.

[Anonymous]

Even babies knows no, no. I tell him that when wants to touch the outlet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No time out. When misbehaves, explain the child about the cause and effect. We take care of ourselves and our things.
If the child is angry or sad let the child sit down and let him calm down by itself. Only they can do it. Before leaving the child to calm down say, when you are feeling better you are welcome to join and play, etc

Ugh. Leave a 2 year old to figure out how to handle and calm down from their big scary feelings by themselves? Teach them that they can only be with you when they’re happy and calm. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That interaction seems normal as does your response. If it was alarming to you, I suggest reading a few parenting books that will help you understand that this is normal. Age 2-4 usually involves a good bit of pushback, assertiveness, learning to manage emotions, etc. It wears you down after a while and it's helpful to have a good understanding of what causes it and some tools for addressing it. Some books that will be helpful (none are a magic bullet, I would just read a few to get a sense, even skim part you don't have to read the entire thing):

1-2-3 Magic
How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk (more for older kids but I thin there's a toddler version and the underlying concepts are helpful generally)
The Happiest Toddler on the Block
The Whole Brain Child
No-Drama Discipline
The Importance of Being Little

I didn't love all of these and I didn't read all of any of them. I would just pick one up at the library each time I went and read a few chapters before bed until I had a gist, then pick up a different one the next month or so. They wind up saying a lot of similar stuff. My biggest takeaway is this:

Very young children learn best by modeling the behavior you want them to have. So if your goal is for your child to be calm, not reactive, you have to discipline yourself to respond to their behavior (all their behavior) calmly and not reactively. If your goal is for them to be respectful towards you (please, thank you, sharing, kind words) you must be respectful to them even when they are behaving poorly. If you want them to respect and share with others, you must model that behavior with your spouse, other children, your family, strangers on the street. And so on. The hardest but most worthwhile aspect of discipline when it comes to young kids is disciplining yourself so that you can show them a way to be in the world that is calm, kind, and curious.

Good luck!

Last paragraph is especially on point.

+1
In addition I usually say something like “when you can use a normal voice with me, I might be able to help you. Sweet Pea, I just can’t understand it when you use that tone of voice.”. . . .say this a million times, then one day it works (at least for me). Sometimes, I had to leave the room so they could have a tantrum by themselves. Sometimes they would even follow me and i would tell them I left the room because there was so much noise and to please not bring that noise with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No Bad Kids completely changed the way I patented my toddlers in a VERY GOOD way. I still use things I learned from that book. It’s made me a more empathetic parent than I ever had. But I am still strict and have high standards for behavior. But I don’t expect robot children.

This. I always recommend this one first because it is so short and easy to read and it gives such an awesome mindset shift.

Some of the other books mentioned are also good but 123 Magic is not my taste. I would hate to be treated as that book recommends