Can attachment to a dog become a disorder?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who adopted a dog during the pandemic. This is a person who lives alone but used to go out all the time and travelled a lot.

And now they won't (can't?) go anywhere without their dog. They won't go grocery shopping because they can't take their dog. They only do restaurants where you can eat outside with their dog.

They never leave the dog alone. It either has to be with them (mostly) or they get a dog sitter. When I asked why, they say the dog is anxious.

This year they sent a Christmas card from them and their dog. And are always using "we" to talk about them and their dog, like the dog is their spouse. (As in, what time should we come over? We are going on vacation. And the we is always them and the dog.)

Part of me thinks, if it makes them happy, so be it. It is obviously filling a need and I suspect the isolation of the pandemic played a role. But another part of me is wondering if this has veered into mental illness -- the attachment to the dog seems to be taking the place of life activities and being with people -- and if I should say something. And what I should say?

(Let me add: I am a dog owner and dog lover, but I also am content to leave my dog at home and would never let the dog take the place of my family.)

[Anonymous]

No, it’s not a mental disorder. It’s someone who doesn’t want to leave their dog alone. They say “we” because it’s them and their dog. I’m glad I’m not like that, but it’s not a disorder, it’s a different set of priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anything can be a disorder. You haven’t said anything that suggests that this is, though.
Many people get nonjudgmental, unconditional affection from their pets. They probably don’t get it from the people in their lives, at least not consistently.

You “would never let a dog take the place of your family “ — yet you point out that the friend that you’re judging lives alone. So, not the same situation at all.
I’m curious. You seem genuinely concerned about your friend — but also judgemental. We’re you equally concerned and available to your friend when she was isolated and living alone? If not, then your concern now seems misplaced and possibly somewhat self-serving. Yes, your friend prioritizes her dog over “activities with people”, but her friends likely prioritized their families and their own needs over her — when she was isolated.

[Anonymous]

We are like that as the problem is we rarely have a reason to leave the dog home as someone is usually home so the dog panics and gets really upset and destructive when we try. We wouldn't eat indoors with covid/flu/colds anyway and aren't traveling. If we traveled, and could, I'd rather take the dog than leave them in a kennel as they are part of our family and I wouldn't leave my kids home....

[Anonymous]

I suspect your friend has untreated anxiety and is using the dog to cover it. Not being able to leave your dog to be able to go to the store is really unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are like that as the problem is we rarely have a reason to leave the dog home as someone is usually home so the dog panics and gets really upset and destructive when we try. We wouldn't eat indoors with covid/flu/colds anyway and aren't traveling. If we traveled, and could, I'd rather take the dog than leave them in a kennel as they are part of our family and I wouldn't leave my kids home....

Your dog needs to be trained and/or treated by a vet for separation anxiety. Being stuck in your home because of your dog?

I honestly think some people are in abusive relationships with their dogs. Saying you can't leave your own home because your dog destroys things and you just accept it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are like that as the problem is we rarely have a reason to leave the dog home as someone is usually home so the dog panics and gets really upset and destructive when we try. We wouldn't eat indoors with covid/flu/colds anyway and aren't traveling. If we traveled, and could, I'd rather take the dog than leave them in a kennel as they are part of our family and I wouldn't leave my kids home....

Your dog needs to be trained and/or treated by a vet for separation anxiety. Being stuck in your home because of your dog?

I honestly think some people are in abusive relationships with their dogs. Saying you can't leave your own home because your dog destroys things and you just accept it?

My dog is well-trained and socialized. I don't go out because of people like you! I cannot risk getting sick/covid with other health issues so I'm home. It's not worth me going into a store when I can order everything online. Between my spouse and I, we are home or can take the dog so it's not a big deal. She's great in the car. Why do you care? Dog is not being abused and well cared for. Some breeds are velcro dogs and we choose a breed like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect your friend has untreated anxiety and is using the dog to cover it. Not being able to leave your dog to be able to go to the store is really unhealthy.

OP here.

This is the part that worries me. When I say this person can't leave their dog, I mean literally won't leave the dog alone for more than 15 minutes alone. They said they can't go grocery shopping or go places where the dog isn't allowed. They refuse to leave the dog alone for even 1 hour for fear the dog will be anxious.

I've had pets my whole life and know lots of people with pets and have never experienced anything like this.

It does seem like untreated anxiety and it seems to be getting worse.

I have been wanting to say something but am actually worried that bringing it up will make this person more anxious and withdrawn.

[Anonymous]

It would seem a lot of people lack mental fortitude; the dog likely has separation anxiety and it stresses your friend out. There are solutions for this - get a cat to keep the dog company; get a toy and leash the dog somewhere where it can't be destructive; keep a radio or something playing when not home. Either way, man up and let the dog deal. Cesar Milan has made a fortune training the "owner" and not the dog...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect your friend has untreated anxiety and is using the dog to cover it. Not being able to leave your dog to be able to go to the store is really unhealthy.

OP here.

This is the part that worries me. When I say this person can't leave their dog, I mean literally won't leave the dog alone for more than 15 minutes alone. They said they can't go grocery shopping or go places where the dog isn't allowed. They refuse to leave the dog alone for even 1 hour for fear the dog will be anxious.

I've had pets my whole life and know lots of people with pets and have never experienced anything like this.

It does seem like untreated anxiety and it seems to be getting worse.

I have been wanting to say something but am actually worried that bringing it up will make this person more anxious and withdrawn.

It's not anxiety. Some dogs are velcro dogs by nature. If they don't have a reason to leave the dog every day like work, it's just their routine and the only way to fix it would be to regularly leave the dog. Why do you care? I don't want my dog upset. Dog is the sweetest and I hate dogs. So, what I should drug my dog to go out where? I should risk covid and other illnesses that have a serious impact on me to grab something I can order online? I should dine in a restaurant to make you happy? It's not just about the dog, but my health. You may choose to neglect your dog and not care, but some consider their dog a part of the family.

[Anonymous]

https://www.griefhealing.com/article-loving-to-much.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect your friend has untreated anxiety and is using the dog to cover it. Not being able to leave your dog to be able to go to the store is really unhealthy.

OP here.

This is the part that worries me. When I say this person can't leave their dog, I mean literally won't leave the dog alone for more than 15 minutes alone. They said they can't go grocery shopping or go places where the dog isn't allowed. They refuse to leave the dog alone for even 1 hour for fear the dog will be anxious.

I've had pets my whole life and know lots of people with pets and have never experienced anything like this.

It does seem like untreated anxiety and it seems to be getting worse.

I have been wanting to say something but am actually worried that bringing it up will make this person more anxious and withdrawn.

It's not anxiety. Some dogs are velcro dogs by nature. If they don't have a reason to leave the dog every day like work, it's just their routine and the only way to fix it would be to regularly leave the dog. Why do you care? I don't want my dog upset. Dog is the sweetest and I hate dogs. So, what I should drug my dog to go out where? I should risk covid and other illnesses that have a serious impact on me to grab something I can order online? I should dine in a restaurant to make you happy? It's not just about the dog, but my health. You may choose to neglect your dog and not care, but some consider their dog a part of the family.

It's not possible to never leave your house. If you're making dinner and discover the chicken unexpectedly went bad, you really can't go out to the store? Doctor's appointments? Dentist? Emergencies? You can't take your dog to a cleaning, of pap smear, or to the emergencies room. You keep saying you're scared of COVID, which, okay, but 15 minutes isn't enough time to even get your flu or COVID shot

OP is saying her friend can't leave the house for more than 15 minutes without the dog. You can't function as a human being like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect your friend has untreated anxiety and is using the dog to cover it. Not being able to leave your dog to be able to go to the store is really unhealthy.

Exactly. Our pets are animals, not people. These people need help.

[Anonymous]

It’s called shihtzu-phrenia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect your friend has untreated anxiety and is using the dog to cover it. Not being able to leave your dog to be able to go to the store is really unhealthy.

OP here.

This is the part that worries me. When I say this person can't leave their dog, I mean literally won't leave the dog alone for more than 15 minutes alone. They said they can't go grocery shopping or go places where the dog isn't allowed. They refuse to leave the dog alone for even 1 hour for fear the dog will be anxious.

I've had pets my whole life and know lots of people with pets and have never experienced anything like this.

It does seem like untreated anxiety and it seems to be getting worse.

I have been wanting to say something but am actually worried that bringing it up will make this person more anxious and withdrawn.

It's not anxiety. Some dogs are velcro dogs by nature. If they don't have a reason to leave the dog every day like work, it's just their routine and the only way to fix it would be to regularly leave the dog. Why do you care? I don't want my dog upset. Dog is the sweetest and I hate dogs. So, what I should drug my dog to go out where? I should risk covid and other illnesses that have a serious impact on me to grab something I can order online? I should dine in a restaurant to make you happy? It's not just about the dog, but my health. You may choose to neglect your dog and not care, but some consider their dog a part of the family.

It's not possible to never leave your house. If you're making dinner and discover the chicken unexpectedly went bad, you really can't go out to the store? Doctor's appointments? Dentist? Emergencies? You can't take your dog to a cleaning, of pap smear, or to the emergencies room. You keep saying you're scared of COVID, which, okay, but 15 minutes isn't enough time to even get your flu or COVID shot

OP is saying her friend can't leave the house for more than 15 minutes without the dog. You can't function as a human being like that.

Dinner- make something else or get carry out. I wouldn't run to the store regardless of the dog for one little thing. I don't go to the doctor much and do most things virtually. I cannot risk illness. I haven't been to the dentist not because of the dog but covid. You do realize I'm married and dog stays with the other spouse.

Covid and flu shots don't stop covid, colds and flu.

I function just fine.