How to deal with "friends" critical of DD's college choice?

[Anonymous]

I have a very good friend who is critical of the university my DD was accepted to ED. We visited the school several times; researched it and thinks it will be a perfect for her. It's private and not inexpensive but she received a substantial merit scholarship and with college savings, will be able to cover the tuition. It is small; not popular with the DC crowd but is where she thinks she wants to go. How do I handle a good friend who keep offering alternatives like Towson or St. Mary's (which are completly fine schools) but not where my DD wants to go. I don't think I should have to defend my DD's choice but it's getting hard to continually just brush it off.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked her why she keeps suggesting alternate schools? I’m not defending her at all, but a simple question might be enough to make her realize she’s being a bit of a jerk.

[Anonymous]

"Marla, DD's definitely going to Yale. It's done." Then start singing "Let It Go" to drive the point home and take the sting out of the directness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a very good friend who is critical of the university my DD was accepted to ED. We visited the school several times; researched it and thinks it will be a perfect for her. It's private and not inexpensive but she received a substantial merit scholarship and with college savings, will be able to cover the tuition. It is small; not popular with the DC crowd but is where she thinks she wants to go. How do I handle a good friend who keep offering alternatives like Towson or St. Mary's (which are completly fine schools) but not where my DD wants to go. I don't think I should have to defend my DD's choice but it's getting hard to continually just brush it off.

If DD was accepted ED then it's pointless for your friend to offer alternatives. The ED agreement should be reason enough to shut down any further discussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her why she keeps suggesting alternate schools? I’m not defending her at all, but a simple question might be enough to make her realize she’s being a bit of a jerk.

+1 I'd blow it off a couple times but this needs a more direct approach. Along with a "DD is going to X, she loves it and it has great ___. I don't appreciate the suggestions"

[Anonymous]

It sounds like where my DS wants to go. He didn't apply ED because it was a "likely" school for him but he's nearly certain that is the school he will choose even if he gets in to some of his more highly ranked schools. Most people are excited that he is excited, but for everyone else who looks puzzled and says things like "Oh, he might still get into Y" I just say "So far X is the best fit and where he wants to go."

In your case, I think you could add, "It sounds like you don't understand Early Decision, Mary. When DD applied she committed to go if she was accepted. She got in and we're all thrilled."

[Anonymous]

“Oh, Darla, you don’t understand. Larla was accepted at Awesome U early decision, so her commitment and financial package are already locked in and we don’t have to worry about college apps any more! I am SO glad to be done with this process, and she is super-excited to start planning her dorm room.”

[Anonymous]

WC?

It’s a great place.

[Anonymous]

"It sounds like you don't understand Early Decision, Mary. When DD applied she committed to go if she was accepted. She got in and we're all thrilled."

This.

But also, your friend is a twatwaffle.

[Anonymous]

These are your friends who are critical, not hers? If so, tell them to talk to the hand.

[Anonymous]

We so happy the college search was successful and is done. Now we can talk about other things, Lisa.

[Anonymous]

OP

Similar situation, one of mine went to a lower tier engineering public university. Although it is known for engineering it is not the top school in it's state or in the country for that matter. Although it does have a beautiful engineering campus.

My friends all of them were appalled they still don't understand. You see my DD is extremely bright & social to the max she got into more elite engineering programs. Like MIT type.

There were many reasons my DD picked her school, Internships, jobs when graduating, course work yes even engineering programs differ.

She is now a CTO age 33. with a graduate degree as well. She knew where she would be successful. I will be honest I did not agree at the time. But in our family, college is chosen by the student, not us parents. Yes, even with us paying we did not interfere. Not my life, we taught our children to be independent and well it could have bitten us in the ass in this case, but it did not.

OP just make sure the school offers career help and internships. The goal for college is to get out and get a job or further education. Small schools do not always transfer to that making it hard to get a start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We so happy the college search was successful and is done. Now we can talk about other things, Lisa.

^^ This

Don't feed her rudeness. Just hold your head high and tell her how THRILLED you are for your DD!

[Anonymous]

Some people. If her own child is not going to like Princeton or Duke what sense of authority does she think she has on the subject even?

[Anonymous]

I don’t have advice for what to say to your friend. You can obviously be direct or subtle. The key point is that you put the word “friend” in quotes. I think you are right that she isn’t really a friend. Find some new ones!