Vent post that it is always my fault when kids misbehave
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Anonymous
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The only child from BIL/SIL is well behaved, can sit silently for 1+ hr at mealtime, eat healthy & have all great interests (read books and play broad games). The big reason that she is used to be bored, bored to be the only child and bored with no summer camps/classes while both parents WFH. She is introvert, quiet and seems cannot make decision on her own. I have asked her what she likes, she just looks at her mom, and let her mom answers for her. They do strict parenting.
My 2 kids are not well behaved, cannot sit still for 1+ hr at mealtime (wiggle, talk and leave seats), picky eaters and just want to play and busy. They are used to be busy and not bored by activities (summer camps, weekend class or screentime). When they are together, they can't be quiet and more less behaved. They are extrovert, funny and talkative. I am exhausted with 2 kids, so I do laid back parenting. MIL/FIL did not say anything, but BIL commented that my kids were out of control. DH is mad of 2 kids' behaviors, and I got yelled at once we were home for my parenting. He said what our niece did so well at everything (behavior, hobbies, diet and such and such) compared to what our son did, and my boy is 6 months older. He is 7, and niece is 6.5. My another kid is 3.5. I had a screwed up new year eve & new year because of this. DH says niece is so well behaved and going to be successful. Our son is going to be a failure, and he should remember that thank you to his family gene, our boy has asd/adhd even though he is gifted. Niece is a normal kid. Even though niece is also a smart girl, my son's personality is more social/ charming and has board interests at everything. She is more controlled by her parents over her diet, interests and etc. I just want to vent that I hate it whenever we meet for family event, and it made me feel suck up due to all those comments and etc. I take my kids to all activities for the past few years for swimming/gym/soccer/chess club etc, and he did not even come once because he says that he does not care much about those. He blame me whenever our kids misbehave. I am not SAHM, and I earn as much as him. I hate it at every single family event for those negative comments. Don't people know the fact that it is easier to manage one kid than two kids! |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t care so much about what BIL said, but it seems as though you need to have a serious discussion with your husband. Clearly he’s embarrassed by their behavior, but it isn’t fair or true that it’s all on you. He shares the responsibility of raising them. Maybe set some goals for the kids’ behavior and plan out how you will both consistently work to achieve those goals. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| There’s no need to denigrate your niece or your BIL/SIL parenting to excuse rowdier behavior from your kids. I don’t think you need to feel solely responsible for misbehavior from your kids, but the way you attribute your niece’s good behavior to negative parenting is the same thing, only in the reverse. If her good behavior is due to bad parenting, why isn’t your kids’ bad behavior due to bad parenting? See how that works? |
Anonymous
| You have a husband problem. You spent all that space talking about the niece and buried the lede: Your husband is a jacka$$. |
Anonymous
Yes your dh is a jerk. And it doesn’t sound like your kids are bad. They are just wired differently than your niece. If your dh were around more kids (other than your niece and your own kids, he would see that). Also, stop criticizing your bil and sil. You aren’t doing yourself any favors. Maybe therapy for you and dh? |
Anonymous
Yep, this. |
Anonymous
I agree with PP. Your behavior is no different than theirs. You’re all criticizing each other’s parenting. your husband is out of line though. |
Anonymous
| My only child is well behaved and he's not bored in general. I have no idea what the eff you're talking about with this "bored = good behavior" bs. |
Anonymous
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Ok. You should rewrite this without disparaging your niece and nephew. That doesn't matter.
Your husband is just as much as in control of your kids behavior as you are. Get your husband on the same page as you. |
Anonymous
| Your kids are the way they are because of you AND your DH. Don't have anymore kids, you're already overwhelmed with 2. Try more structure and discipline. Your kids need it, they cannot control your life. |
Anonymous
| Why do you feel the need to criticize your niece? You’re just as bad as your BIL |
Anonymous
| You can have smart, witty, independent children who do lots of activities, behave well etc. Set some rules and follow them. |
Anonymous
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We were a family of five and I was the youngest with sibling closest to me was six years older and everyone of us could sit at dinner table for long or short meals. It has nothing to do with being bored but everything to do with being taught manners.
Your children's bad manners are your fault because you allowed them to be feral. |
Anonymous
| Unless your children were conceived with a sperm donor and raised entirely by you their behavior is as much the result of your husband as you. |
Anonymous
| If there is anything that having twins has taught me it is that so little about your kids is actually something that you can control. Can you influence certain things about your kids? Yes and you should try, but a lot of how your kids turn out to be is just the random chance of generics. I’m nearly 100% sure that BIL/SIL aren’t great parents they just ended up with an easy kid. Some day they might have another kid learn the truth. |