Husband throws temper tantrums

[Anonymous]

Almost like a toddler. If I do anything be even SLIGHTLY doesn’t like, or dare to express any upset or I’m down he throws a tantrum. Sometimes in front of me and the kids, and sometimes just in front of the kids like today when I had to leave to go to the store and he was giving me the silent treatment again so I didn’t kiss him goodbye. Then when I got back my 13 year old told me he was slamming stuff and cursing after I left.

This has happened many many times and I have tried for about 15 years to change things and fix things and I just don’t know what to do anymore

[Anonymous]

You are living in an abusive relationship. It will be hard deciding what to do with kids, but you need to first acknowledge that your relationship is abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are living in an abusive relationship. It will be hard deciding what to do with kids, but you need to first acknowledge that your relationship is abusive.

He says it’s not abusive it’s just me expecting too much or me being a jerk so he gets mad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are living in an abusive relationship. It will be hard deciding what to do with kids, but you need to first acknowledge that your relationship is abusive.

He says it’s not abusive it’s just me expecting too much or me being a jerk so he gets mad

What do expect him to say: “You’re right. I’m being abusive.”

Start filming him when he’s having a tantrum. Ask if he does this behavior at work. He sounds like an immature idiot. Get out. This won’t get better.

[Anonymous]

ALL abusers say see what YOU made ME do !

[Anonymous]

Abusers don’t realize abuse is a choice. Yesterday after a nonstop stream of critiques and condescending direction from my DH I turned the tables and called attention to a physical flaw of his unusually don’t mention and asked when he was going to address it. Naturally he was oh so wounded and immediately recriminated me for it. I calmly pointed out that I had done it intentionally to show him how his past several hours of running negative commentary felt and how normal people refrain from being intentionally cruel. I doubt it landed with any impression that would make him more self-reflective or self-aware.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I'm very very lost because he acts "nice" a lot of the times, too. He can turn on a dime. He just asked me if I wanted a cup of tea because I was in bed because I am upset, but told everyone I just had a headache and wanted a little rest. It gets very confusing. I end up feeling like he's not a bad person, just depressed or something ,and start making excuses for him. I know he loves me. It feels manipulative, but where do I draw the line? If he loves me and the kids, but this is just who he is and can't handle not getting his ego stroked and will get nasty when it's NOT being stroked, if he can be nice and truly cares, if he comes from a broken home, if if if. This is what goes around and around in my head all day long.

So I end up feeling sorry for him, and feeling guilty that I feel the way I feel. But I have no affection left for him, very little respect, and I feel so much better when he is not around. And then I feel guilty for feeling that way, too. It's gotten so bad that I have a visceral reaction to his presence, and I can only imagine it's from decades of being treated like this?

I'm lost and confused and don't know the way out.

I am also extremely empathetic and feel others' emotions in a way that drains me and depresses me to be around, even when nothing is going wrong in the moment. But the constant sighing, minor complaining, and extreme negativity about everything is just making life miserable.

I sometimes wish he would hit me so I would have a definitive reason to leave. It would actually make this easier.

Thank you for listening/reading. It even just helps to type it out.

[Anonymous]

Ladies.

I am beginning to believe this is just MEN.

Or, perhaps men over 35-40 because they were raised a certain way?

My husband is like this, too. Don't try Laura Doyle, you'll end up disappointed and perhaps in a worse spot than before.

I'm leaving him in 2023 and I have some unique challenges that is going to make it exceedingly difficult. Still, the marriage is no longer serving me and I can not thrive in a hostile environment.

Also, The Holistic Psychologist on IG has been dropping some truth-bombs about all this in recent weeks. I suggest you follow her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I'm very very lost because he acts "nice" a lot of the times, too. He can turn on a dime. He just asked me if I wanted a cup of tea because I was in bed because I am upset, but told everyone I just had a headache and wanted a little rest. It gets very confusing. I end up feeling like he's not a bad person, just depressed or something ,and start making excuses for him. I know he loves me. It feels manipulative, but where do I draw the line? If he loves me and the kids, but this is just who he is and can't handle not getting his ego stroked and will get nasty when it's NOT being stroked, if he can be nice and truly cares, if he comes from a broken home, if if if. This is what goes around and around in my head all day long.

So I end up feeling sorry for him, and feeling guilty that I feel the way I feel. But I have no affection left for him, very little respect, and I feel so much better when he is not around. And then I feel guilty for feeling that way, too. It's gotten so bad that I have a visceral reaction to his presence, and I can only imagine it's from decades of being treated like this?

I'm lost and confused and don't know the way out.

I am also extremely empathetic and feel others' emotions in a way that drains me and depresses me to be around, even when nothing is going wrong in the moment. But the constant sighing, minor complaining, and extreme negativity about everything is just making life miserable.

I sometimes wish he would hit me so I would have a definitive reason to leave. It would actually make this easier.

Thank you for listening/reading. It even just helps to type it out.

This is textbook narcissist gaslighting. Look it up and get out.

[Anonymous]

OP- that is the classic behavior of an abuser. If they were abusive all the time, you would know it was abuse and leave. It feels manipulative because it is. He is keeping you off balance, distorting your reality, and gaslighting you. You are in the cycle of abuse.

https://psychcentral.com/health/cycle-of-abuse#how-to-end-the-cycle-of-abuse

https://psychcentral.com/lib/emotional-abuse-signs#signs-of-emotional-abuse


Here is an interesting article about Anna Kendrick and her experience with a psychologically abusive relationship.
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/anna-kendrick-abusive-relationship-alice-darling-1235289376/amp/

[Anonymous]

I am PP right above once more, just read your follow-up OP.

I also identify as an empath.

Please go look at The Holistic Psychologist. She's great. I wonder if your husband likely has NPD and perhaps comorbitities of depression and another personality disorder? We empaths are extremely attractive to these abusers. And we end up forgiving them for far too long. I rejected these armchair diagnosis for years. But when I stopped resisting and really allowed myself to open up and SEE (current mercury in retrograde is perfect for this), it became very clear.

[Anonymous]

OP, 15 years is a long time to put up with this behavior. Your kids are also witnessing how he behaves and you are accepting it, they will think this is normal. Please remove yourself and your children from this toxic environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies.

I am beginning to believe this is just MEN.

Or, perhaps men over 35-40 because they were raised a certain way?

Nope, not all men. When dating, first time they do it, you call it out. The second time, you leave. You keep doing that until you find a guy with enough maturity to not have to resort to acting like a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies.

I am beginning to believe this is just MEN.

Or, perhaps men over 35-40 because they were raised a certain way?

Nope, not all men. When dating, first time they do it, you call it out. The second time, you leave. You keep doing that until you find a guy with enough maturity to not have to resort to acting like a toddler.

Of course it's not ALL men, but why so many? What are we doing wrong as a society that this emotional immaturity plagues so many men?

[Anonymous]

OP, Google “rejection sensitive dysphoria”. My DH is like this and I posted about him before. A PP recommended I look into it and every word was true for my situation with him. He doesn’t hate you - he hates himself and every negative encounter makes him feel rejected and then he lashes out. It’s extreme insecurity.

A similar disorder is covert/vulnerable narcissism.

What’s pushing me to leave is knowing that my daughters will think it’s normal for a man to treat them like this one day. I can’t have that.