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[quote=Anonymous]This is OP.    I'm very very lost because he acts "nice" a lot of the times, too.  He can turn on a dime.   He just asked me if I wanted a cup of tea because I was in bed because I am upset, but told everyone I just had a headache and wanted a little rest.   It gets very confusing.  I end up feeling like he's not a bad person, just depressed or something ,and start making excuses for him.  I know he loves me.   It feels manipulative, but where do I draw the line?  If he loves me and the kids, but this is just who he is and can't handle not getting his ego stroked and will get nasty when it's NOT being stroked, if he can be nice and truly cares, if he comes from a broken home, if if if.        This is what goes around and around in my head all day long.

So I end up feeling sorry for him, and feeling guilty that I feel the way I feel.   But I have no affection left for him, very little respect, and I feel so much better when he is not around.   And then I feel guilty for feeling that way, too.   It's gotten so bad that I have a visceral reaction to his presence, and I can only imagine it's from decades of being treated like this?

I'm lost and confused and don't know the way out.

I am also extremely empathetic and feel others' emotions in a way that drains me and depresses me to be around, even when nothing is going wrong in the moment.  But the constant sighing, minor complaining, and extreme negativity about everything is just making life miserable.

I sometimes wish he would hit me so I would have a definitive reason to leave.    It would actually make this easier.

Thank you for listening/reading.  It even just helps to type it out. [/quote]

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