New School for 10th Grader

[Anonymous]

We sent our current 9th grader to a school thinking it would be a warm, caring environment and where the girls would be inclusive and value each other. Her friends suck. They basically are nice sometimes but can be so mean and aren’t inclusive of everyone in the group. They are not taught empathy or compassion at all, it’s just a very disappointing experience. She has maybe three friends that are awesome, the rest are terrible and hurtful. She would like to change schools, but high school is high school—not like you’re going to find a lot of authentically nice kids out there who value friendship. Any suggestions for schools? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

That’s not the school. That’s the upbringing of the kids. Schools can preach inclusivity to the rafters but if kids haven’t been raised to be kind and inclusive then they gravitate to other similar personalities and build giant groups of mean girls/boys. Sadly the “nice” kids are often not considered the “cool” kids and at that age they’re very conscious of what others think about who they hang out with. More power to the happy groups of kind kids who don’t give a rat’s ass what folks think of them. Your DD needs to find those kids and adopt that attitude.

[Anonymous]

Is she a rising 10th or 11th grader? I only ask as this sounds very similar to our daughter's experience and she is currently in 10th. We are struggling to find other options. My daughter thinks it would be weird/stressful to start at another private for 11th. We have considered switching to public but that would mean moving to NW. I have even thought about looking into boarding school if spring semester really goes downhill. I really don't have any advise, just commiserating and hoping maybe others have suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Would boarding be an option? We looked at Westtown School for a rising 11th grader because all students (except lifers) have to board in 11th and 12th and there is some expansion then. I didn't feel it was the right fit for our kid but they were encouraging about an 11th grade entry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s not the school. That’s the upbringing of the kids. Schools can preach inclusivity to the rafters but if kids haven’t been raised to be kind and inclusive then they gravitate to other similar personalities and build giant groups of mean girls/boys. Sadly the “nice” kids are often not considered the “cool” kids and at that age they’re very conscious of what others think about who they hang out with. More power to the happy groups of kind kids who don’t give a rat’s ass what folks think of them. Your DD needs to find those kids and adopt that attitude.

I love this answer. Thank you. I have a kid who is basically a nice kid. Compassionate, a good and loyal friend, always thinking of how to make others day a bit brighter. She doesn’t have any sense of entitlement, she’s a team player. Down to earth. She’s also a person of faith. Where do I find kids like that? Just nice kids raised by good parents? It seems hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she a rising 10th or 11th grader? I only ask as this sounds very similar to our daughter's experience and she is currently in 10th. We are struggling to find other options. My daughter thinks it would be weird/stressful to start at another private for 11th. We have considered switching to public but that would mean moving to NW. I have even thought about looking into boarding school if spring semester really goes downhill. I really don't have any advise, just commiserating and hoping maybe others have suggestions.

She’s in 9th, rising 10th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not the school. That’s the upbringing of the kids. Schools can preach inclusivity to the rafters but if kids haven’t been raised to be kind and inclusive then they gravitate to other similar personalities and build giant groups of mean girls/boys. Sadly the “nice” kids are often not considered the “cool” kids and at that age they’re very conscious of what others think about who they hang out with. More power to the happy groups of kind kids who don’t give a rat’s ass what folks think of them. Your DD needs to find those kids and adopt that attitude.

I love this answer. Thank you. I have a kid who is basically a nice kid. Compassionate, a good and loyal friend, always thinking of how to make others day a bit brighter. She doesn’t have any sense of entitlement, she’s a team player. Down to earth. She’s also a person of faith. Where do I find kids like that? Just nice kids raised by good parents? It seems hard.

+1. We left our private because of this. I only wish we had left a year earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not the school. That’s the upbringing of the kids. Schools can preach inclusivity to the rafters but if kids haven’t been raised to be kind and inclusive then they gravitate to other similar personalities and build giant groups of mean girls/boys. Sadly the “nice” kids are often not considered the “cool” kids and at that age they’re very conscious of what others think about who they hang out with. More power to the happy groups of kind kids who don’t give a rat’s ass what folks think of them. Your DD needs to find those kids and adopt that attitude.

I love this answer. Thank you. I have a kid who is basically a nice kid. Compassionate, a good and loyal friend, always thinking of how to make others day a bit brighter. She doesn’t have any sense of entitlement, she’s a team player. Down to earth. She’s also a person of faith. Where do I find kids like that? Just nice kids raised by good parents? It seems hard.

+1. We left our private because of this. I only wish we had left a year earlier.

Are you at public now or another private?

[Anonymous]

Is it an all girls school?

[Anonymous]

My kids are at a high achieving public school that can be considered "woke", during the pandemic we seriously though of transferring to a private Christian school with strong academics. The kids at the public "woke" school are clicky, God forbid they find out you dont vote Democrat-your kids will be ostracized, however in general they are not grossly mean-just a bit/somewhat.
We decided to stay pubic after my daughters interactions(at the neighborhood pool) with some private school girls from an all female Catholic (that has well regarded academics). These girls were SO mean to my daughters for no absolute reason-I mean like asking her not to take pics with them (and my kid has always been well liked-totally normal nice kid)-yet at the same time there moms were screaming their daughters are baking cookies for foster kids.....so there is that....

I would rec your daughter attend a NOVA public that is bigger--not sure if you can swing that with where you live....

[Anonymous]

Don’t know if they will have space, but would consider Field. Don’t hear about this problem from my DD who would tell me if this issue.

[Anonymous]

Madeira.

[Anonymous]

My kid's "Big 3" high school is like this. It's known for its progressive and inclusive policies but in reality there is a huge contingent of mean kids (most of them rich and white) who spend a lot of time ostracizing and talking **** on social media about the other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Madeira.

My DD is not at Maderia - but has a good friend in 9th grade there.
My DD has done a bunch of social things with Maderia girls this semester and has had a lot of fun. I can not comment on the day to day - but my observation of this group is "nice kids"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid's "Big 3" high school is like this. It's known for its progressive and inclusive policies but in reality there is a huge contingent of mean kids (most of them rich and white) who spend a lot of time ostracizing and talking **** on social media about the other kids.

Not helpful without naming the school.