In laws and Christmas
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Anonymous
| How many gifts is reasonable for your child to receive for Christmas? How many gifts should come from Grandparents? My DH wants to keep coming up with gift ideas to send to his mom, while I think Christmas should be for fewer gifts and then more throughout the year, and should really be about being with family. It feels like they are buying stuff just to buy it, and it's more about how much money is spent and the quantity of the gifts. DH and I have been fighting about it a lot since I'm the one who picks the gifts off the floor in a few weeks and puts them in a bin to collect dust. I think it's also ridiculous DH cares more about giving his mother a lengthy list than listening to his wife's wishes over an important holiday. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
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We give our kids four each. Then they get one from the siblings and one from the grandparents. Sometimes the grandparents give one of our four, which is fine with us. We aim for at least one of the gifts to be an "experience."
So at most, six gifts total. |
Anonymous
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Everyone is different with regard to holiday giving and traditions.
I love going all out for xmas for my kids' gifts. I don't give my kids gifts throughout the year, especially because I don't like for them to expect that we'll just buy whatever whenever. Our in laws always give the kids a few gifts at xmas. My family also does a few big gifts. We do a wish lists for the kids to give to in laws (they request it), but they don't buy everything off the list. A few items (maybe 3 different toy playset or lego set type things) and some clothes. What does your DH want? It shouldn't only be about "listening to his wife's wishes" it should also be about you listening to his wishes and trying to meet somewhere in the middle. |
Anonymous
| Grandparents, and aunts and uncles if they’re included, all gave one gift. Parents give one big gift, and then maybe 4-7 more depending on if it’s just little stuff they like or a few that are more expensive. This includes group gifts like games. |
Anonymous
Adding that they all get the same amount of gifts and we spend approximately the same amount on each child. |
Anonymous
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One gift or two small gifts per set of grandparents. We made the point early on that they get gifts from many aunts and uncles, neighbors and even daycare teachers and the crossing guard, so we are really specific and firm. That said, we provide extensive gift list if asked, with a good range of prices and types of items.
But with both sets, we’ve eyed a pile and said no way, and distracted the kids while the other parent dealt with his or her parents. |
Anonymous
| OP, you must be a total PITA to live with. Christian grandparents everywhere want to buy their grandkids a present for Christmas. Your husband isn’t being unreasonable - you are. Stop being a Scrooge and worry about real problems. |
Anonymous
| It's not worth it to fight with your DH over this. A few gifts from relatives is fine. If you feel there are too many all at once, but some away for a day when kids are home from school or need a diversion - then bring out the 'new' gift from the closet or wherever. |
Anonymous
| Is he asking you to make the list or is he making it by himself? |
Anonymous
| For a few years I felt that the gifts were overboard. So I started buying less myself for my kids and just sending suggestions of what I would buy to grandparents. They really want to get gifts so we don’t try and stop them. I end up not buying much in terms of gifts for Christmas and birthdays. I buy what my children need throughout the year and we feel very fortunate to be able to do so. I don’t care who gets “credit” for gifts and it’s kept down the quantity to a reasonable amount. |
Anonymous
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We had a huge problem with the grandparents who were divorced from each other trying to outdo each other and then the married set trying to one-up everyone else. It took hours to open presents and our tiny house was overrun.
Then we set firm rules: One present per kid from each divorced grandparent, one present from the married grandparents. Nothing bigger than our dog (at the time a 8lb Yorkie). Anything further/larger would be sent to daycare or donated. Every grandparent complained, but we held firm. Some presents were donated. They eventually all complied. |
Anonymous
OP here. I am not talking about "a present". I'm talking 10-20 presents that are mostly junk. Then if we want to get them 5, and Santa brings them 5, we're talking over 30 presents. It's insane. |
Anonymous
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I feel your pain except it's my parents. Their love language is gifts, and they show up at Christmas with easily a dozen gifts for our DS. I've tried a million different ways to ask them to dial it back, to instead of giving physical gifts give experiences or even money into the college fund. I've asked if I can give them ideas or get a heads up on what they're buying. Nope. They want the joy of watching DS's face when he opens presents that they picked out.
Some years DH and I are infuriated. Some years we try to let it go. In theory we should dial back and give less because DS also gets a gift from each set of aunt or uncles, godparents, but it irritates me that then it's my parents who get the joy of buying gifts for my child for Christmas and DH and I then lose out on that fun. No guidance just solidarity. I know it's a first world problem, and one that many wish they had, but it is hard and annoying. |
Anonymous
| DH’s mom starts asking in August and it can get annoying. We always put together a list for DD’s birthday and Christmas (they’re close together) and set aside 2-4 items for grandma, and we stick to those no matter how many times she asks. She always adds in small things like clothes or hats & gloves, but we let those go as long as she’s sticking to the list for the “big” gifts. |
Anonymous
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Yes, that sounds like way, way, way too much. Please reason with your husband that kids should not receive more than 5 items from grandparents.
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