Totally tacky.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny asked us if she could watch another child 1 to 2 days a week - she cut our rate by just a few dollars per hour but is definitely making some good cash from the other family, which we applaud her for. The other kid is great in general, so we don't really mind. The other family however is not paying taxes, not paying sick leave, nor are they paying for holidays, etc.. They have their kid in daycare part time and the kid will be starting full time in a couple of months. And they are lovely, don't get me wrong.

What I'm annoyed about is that the other family must have given her a Thanksgiving bonus of some sort. Our nanny replied all in the group text we have with the other family, thanking them for their generosity, making it pretty obvious that we didn't give her a Thanksgiving bonus (although we offered numerous times for her to leave early this past week so that she could help her family out with their Thanksgiving plans).

I actually am feeling such less respect for the nanny. She definitely knew it was the group chat with the way she worded her thank you (so not a mistake). And I feel like it was completely thoughtless and tacky. My husband and I were both so shocked when we received the text. And a big part of that is feeling unappreciated by the nanny for letting her bring this other child into my home, with truly little benefit to us. On top of that she has taken 1 to 2 days off per week for the past 6 weeks due to sick leave and vacation (which was planned), so we've been scrambling to work and provide childcare while paying her full time, and so again, I feel unappreciated.

I also don't believe Thanksgiving bonuses are a thing and I refuse to make them one. I get the Holiday bonus and was planning on giving it to her earlier in December so she could spend it on holiday gifts, but I'm feeling pretty annoyed right now and I feel frustrated that the nanny has now injected even more drama into our lives and feeling just done with it.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure you aren't venting but just passive aggressively hoping the nanny sees this, recognizes it's you (because you've provided an alarming amount of detail) and cuts it out.

But since you did post it here, my opinion:

1) You obviously are not actually cool with the nanny share. You should not have agreed to it if you were going to be so resentful. You say you applaud the nanny's business approach, but then whine extensively about how you don't get any benefit and they aren't paying for sick leave or holidays or taxes. They don't need to -- she only has their kid 1 or 2 days a week and no one pays a babysitter taxes/sick leave/holidays for one day a week! Again, you're being so passive aggressive here. Either agree to the arrangement and be okay with it, or say no. Don't agree to it and then complain about how the other family isn't paying for stuff that no one every asked or expected them to pay for.

2) Who cares if they gave her a bonus? Seriously, who cares? That's their business. So your nanny mentioned it on the group text. Again, who cares? It's not like she asked you for a bonus. It really sounds like you are mostly annoyed that she seems to have revealed to the other family that you didn't give her one. WHO CARES? This is a business arrangement. Stop being all up in your feelings about it. I assume you give her a year end bonus. This other family is only engaging her for a short period of time until their kid is in full time daycare and probably is extra grateful for this arrangement while they are in a childcare crunch. Maybe your nanny is trying to shake you down, but like you, she's being passive aggressive about it, so you can ignore it and move on with your life.

3) If you want to fire your nanny for "being tacky" or tell her you've "lost respect" (lol) for her, go for it. But I'm losing respect for you reading this thing. You sound incredibly whiny and insecure. This is not a real problem.

4) The issue of her missing days is totally separate and perhaps your real issue? The sick leave is what it is -- everyone is sick right now. I too have taken several sick days in the last couple months due to stupid viruses. And planned vacation? You're complaining about feeling "unappreciated" because you allowed your full time employee to take a vacation that she requested off in advance and used vacation leave she is entitled to in her negotiated contract? Lady, please.

You do not sound like you have what it takes to have a household employee and should have just put your kid in daycare. Get your head out of your a$$ and stop making all this random crap about your feelings, which are irrelevant. Maybe the other family gave her a Thanksgiving bonus because they feel bad of rher that she has such a bad employer?

[Anonymous]

So, this is OP, and I guess my post isn’t clear- I don’t mind that they gave her a bonus. I DO mind that she clearly pointed out that we did not give her a bonus in what is an extremely tacky way.

I feel that we give her a lot of benefits that felt like they went unnoticed when she sent that. Maybe she doesn’t think they are good enough, I don’t know, but regardless, it was tacky.

Also, we’re no longer in DC so doubt she’ll read the post.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, not tacky to me.

[Anonymous]

But you don't believe in Thanksgiving bonuses and refuse to give one and "make that a thing" right? So why do you care that the other family gave one?

[Anonymous]

OP: I agree with your opinion that it is tacky.

Consider making the nanny's Christmas bonus her severance pay. You should never have consented to let her run what may be an illegal daycare out of your home which exposes your child to other's illnesses & needs.

Start your search for a more professional nanny now.

[Anonymous]

Did she ask you to pay taxes?

[Anonymous]

Fire her now before December/ Christmas

[Anonymous]

Yeah, having a kid in your house exposes you to insane liability risks. I would never have this nanny share without a reciprocal situation with the other nanny share family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fire her now before December/ Christmas

Are these people serious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, having a kid in your house exposes you to insane liability risks. I would never have this nanny share without a reciprocal situation with the other nanny share family.

This is the biggest thing. It's your house. You have the risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she ask you to pay taxes?

NP. Whether the nanny asked for taxes to be paid or not is irrelevant. It’s the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she ask you to pay taxes?

Are you under the impression taxes are optional?

[Anonymous]

I would be far more upset about the informal “nanny share” you are in. Who cares about a badly worded text when you have that mess on your hands.

[Anonymous]

She messed up. It was rude to include you in that thank you. We all make mistakes. Drop it and move on. The fact that you’re here “venting” means you’re wallowing in it. Just stop.