Blocked My mother today
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Anonymous
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I finally blocked her on my cell and asked my DH to avoid her calls/texts. It's been a long time coming and it feels good but scary because even at 36 I'm terrified of her.
I've also cut most ties with my abusive brother and this family. My brother molested me for years and my mother knew. I kept the peace for a long time but I'm done. We tried for a long time to keep up appearances and just have some sort of relationship with her even though she failed at every aspect of being a parent. Ironically calling to tell her I'm working thanksgiving could we send her something ( trying to avoid her screaming at me) and then instead of sorry you're working it's so I'm all alone on Thanksgiving. A holiday that only happens if DH and I plan on cooking or taking her out. She has never planned anything. When we ask if she has plans for Christmas and she says not sure we say you're welcome to join us. And we get screamed at that we treat her like a dog. The guilt trip for doing absolutely nothing starts. I broke. I've been feeling shitty like I don't have any family of my own. My father died last year ( he left when I was little, no relationship there) It felt good to block her. I've talked a big talk about cutting her out but this so the first time I've done something about it |
Anonymous
| Congratulations, OP. You deserved better. I hope you have a peaceful holiday. |
Anonymous
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You did the right thing, OP. Don't feel guilty. You don't owe your family any of your time or a relationship. Try not not to think of the past or your family at all.
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Anonymous
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Look how strong you are, OP. 👏👏👏👏👏 You must be so proud of yourself. Taking care of yourself is so empowering. You’ll have moments of guilt and wondering if you did the right thing. That’s normal. Just push through. It gets easier with time.
Peace to you this Thanksgiving. |
Anonymous
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OP, I’m really proud of you for standing up not only for yourself as a woman today, but as the child you were then. Good riddance to her and to her son (they don’t deserve the title of brother or mother for abusing you and for failing to protect you from abuse.)
Peace, comfort, happiness—and above all, FREEDOM—to you this holiday and every day. I’m thankful for women who are brave, strong, and setting an example; women like you. |
Anonymous
| I’m so proud of you, OP. And I’m just relieved on your behalf. What you described of their treatment of you is horrific, and you are not responsible for their feelings or rages, or keeping the peace at your own expense. |
Anonymous
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OP I relate. We spent years with mom expecting us to be her back up plan for Thanksgiving if she didn't get a better offer. She has even backed out of plans with us or lost it when she got a better offer last minute, didn't tell us and then resented us for including her.
Every holiday we have spent with her in the past 5 or 6 years has resulted in her having a tantrum, guilt tripping, giving us digs and/or her bragging about how she is better than I am in every way. After the 100th nastygram from her via text earlier this year I decided...no more. We have stress coming at us from all sides this year-health, work, deaths and we just can't do it anymore. We did not make any effort and when she tried to manipulate her way in, kept boundaries. It will be a peaceful Thanksgiving with good food and more importantly calm. Our teens are thrilled and have resented grandma and her drama for a while. With her no good deed went unpunished. |
Anonymous
Oh and I have an abusive sibling-no sexual abuse though- and my mother defends her at all costs. Her disturbing behavior has led to explosions with extended family, massive work issues, drama all around, but that is the Golden child and she can do no wrong. I refuse to join the pity party when yet another person at work complains about her backstabbing to management. I grew up with her and have the emotional stabbing scars, I feel for her coworkers. |
Anonymous
| OP it may not feel like it right now, but your on your way to a new and better life. Congrats! And you do have a family, your DH. |
Anonymous
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DO NOT FEEL BAD. What you did will make you better. Trauma based is not real living.
I was always the help but never invited to the party. One of 6 kids. I was not the favorite but everyone else was. The day I told my mother we were moving out of state and she told me my husband brainwashed me into leaving, OMG for real ?, was the last time I spoke to her. I didn't even go to her funeral. Finally free of her I had no regrets. |
Anonymous
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Thanks all. I will respond more in a while.
Today felt good. No obligatory call to keep the peace. No guilt. Trauma is weird. Grown ass adult and I still fear the repercussions of this. My SIL reached out to both me and DH in two texts. Didn't respond. Surely my mother has told her narrative to them. |
Anonymous
| Good op. Congrats. Don’t feel guilty. You deserve better. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry, OP.  I hope things work themselves out in the future. Best of luck with your family relationships.
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Anonymous
Is this sil married to your brother who abused you? If so, go ahead and block her, too. You don't have to explain or apologize for protecting yourself. I understand how difficult this must be for you, but setting boundaries and cutting off abusive people is going to be so good for you and your dh and kids. |
Anonymous
| How is it going OP? Any updates? Hope you are enjoying peace! |