Big age gap between cousins

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 13 and has cousins who are 7 and 5 years old. While she had more in common with them when she was younger, there is a big difference in interests at this teenage vs mid/early elementary age! We are going to be spending a week together over the holidays and am wondering if there are any suggestions on how we can help them to bond better and find some commonalities!

[Anonymous]

My children are younger than most of their cousins on DHs side. The older ones were nice to the younger ones until around 13/14 and then they came back to nice around 18. Teenagers do not want to be around younger ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children are younger than most of their cousins on DHs side. The older ones were nice to the younger ones until around 13/14 and then they came back to nice around 18. Teenagers do not want to be around younger ones.

Yeah I don’t agree necessarily. 13 was the age where I loved baby sitting and taking care of younger ones.

[Anonymous]

We just had a bunch of cousins together recently. Ages were 2, 6, 9, 13 and 17. I was very impressed the two oldest girls never took out their phones once in five hours. The oldest three brought toy cars and magna-tiles, which helped break the ice, but mostly they were rolling around on the floor and doing quasi yoga poses and gymnastics, or sitting on the couch reading books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children are younger than most of their cousins on DHs side. The older ones were nice to the younger ones until around 13/14 and then they came back to nice around 18. Teenagers do not want to be around younger ones.

Yeah I don’t agree necessarily. 13 was the age where I loved baby sitting and taking care of younger ones.

Me too. I enjoyed playing simple board games with younger kids, reading to them, brushing their hair, etc. What does your 13-year-old do for fun? She can do some modified version of that with them. (E.g. if she's into movies, plan to watch a favorite movie of hers at that age. If she's into soccer, bring a ball so they can pass it around.)

I'd also make it clear to everyone (parents, kids) that you're OK with her taking breaks from hanging out with them. After all, she's not actually being paid to babysit them. I'd make sure there is a balance between time where you hope and expect her to be with the cousins, and time when she can go relax elsewhere.

And this is also the age where she might want to start doing more with the adults. Our family plays a lot of board games, and it took a little while for some of the adults to realize that the oldest cousins might want to be included in the evening games! They weren't used to having some kids staying awake later, since all of the younger ones were in bed. Obviously your DD may not even want to hang out with the adults in the evenings, but it's something to keep in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a bunch of cousins together recently. Ages were 2, 6, 9, 13 and 17. I was very impressed the two oldest girls never took out their phones once in five hours. The oldest three brought toy cars and magna-tiles, which helped break the ice, but mostly they were rolling around on the floor and doing quasi yoga poses and gymnastics, or sitting on the couch reading books.

OP here. My daughter can play with them great for a few hours or a day visit. It’s the weeklong stay that I’m worried about!

[Anonymous]

I think it's realistic that they can play together some (like a board game after dinner) or do a couple structured activities together (like mini golf) but unrealistic to think they will want to spend long stretches of time together every day. Maybe plan a couple of outings for just the 13 yo with an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a bunch of cousins together recently. Ages were 2, 6, 9, 13 and 17. I was very impressed the two oldest girls never took out their phones once in five hours. The oldest three brought toy cars and magna-tiles, which helped break the ice, but mostly they were rolling around on the floor and doing quasi yoga poses and gymnastics, or sitting on the couch reading books.

OP here. My daughter can play with them great for a few hours or a day visit. It’s the weeklong stay that I’m worried about!

Take her out once a day even if it is a trip to the grocery store. And make sure she has some alone time. Maybe find some easy things she likes that she can share with the younger cousins and some easy games or crafts, baking some easy treats. Throw in some holiday movie watching, where she doesn't have to be "on" for the young cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a bunch of cousins together recently. Ages were 2, 6, 9, 13 and 17. I was very impressed the two oldest girls never took out their phones once in five hours. The oldest three brought toy cars and magna-tiles, which helped break the ice, but mostly they were rolling around on the floor and doing quasi yoga poses and gymnastics, or sitting on the couch reading books.

OP here. My daughter can play with them great for a few hours or a day visit. It’s the weeklong stay that I’m worried about!

She doesn’t need to play with them nonstop. She can also bond with other relatives who are adults, do errands with you, read, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a bunch of cousins together recently. Ages were 2, 6, 9, 13 and 17. I was very impressed the two oldest girls never took out their phones once in five hours. The oldest three brought toy cars and magna-tiles, which helped break the ice, but mostly they were rolling around on the floor and doing quasi yoga poses and gymnastics, or sitting on the couch reading books.

OP here. My daughter can play with them great for a few hours or a day visit. It’s the weeklong stay that I’m worried about!

Take her out once a day even if it is a trip to the grocery store. And make sure she has some alone time. Maybe find some easy things she likes that she can share with the younger cousins and some easy games or crafts, baking some easy treats. Throw in some holiday movie watching, where she doesn't have to be "on" for the young cousins.

Oh, forgot to mention, this isn't to coddle the 13 year old, it's to promote a good relationship between the cousins with such a large age range. A little curating by adults can go a long way to having fond memories for all the ages to look back on.

[Anonymous]

Big age gap is when my 12 year old DD gets together with her cousin who just graduated from med school.

A 7 and 13 year old can absolutely find things to do together. My kids have a 5 year age gap and play board games, video games, do legos and crafts...

[Anonymous]

I would take cues from here. If she is having fun great. Let her know that if she needs a break that is fine too. Be ready to grab her if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a bunch of cousins together recently. Ages were 2, 6, 9, 13 and 17. I was very impressed the two oldest girls never took out their phones once in five hours. The oldest three brought toy cars and magna-tiles, which helped break the ice, but mostly they were rolling around on the floor and doing quasi yoga poses and gymnastics, or sitting on the couch reading books.

OP here. My daughter can play with them great for a few hours or a day visit. It’s the weeklong stay that I’m worried about!

Take her out once a day even if it is a trip to the grocery store. And make sure she has some alone time. Maybe find some easy things she likes that she can share with the younger cousins and some easy games or crafts, baking some easy treats. Throw in some holiday movie watching, where she doesn't have to be "on" for the young cousins.

Oh, forgot to mention, this isn't to coddle the 13 year old, it's to promote a good relationship between the cousins with such a large age range. A little curating by adults can go a long way to having fond memories for all the ages to look back on.

Great ideas, thanks!

[Anonymous]

My kids’ closest cousin is 20 years older than my oldest. 6 year age gap isn’t big but you’re right that it’s a bit awkward. In addition to the excellent advice provided I would make sure your teen has a room she can retreat to for privacy and is allowed to bounce between “kid” and “adult” activities if she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a bunch of cousins together recently. Ages were 2, 6, 9, 13 and 17. I was very impressed the two oldest girls never took out their phones once in five hours. The oldest three brought toy cars and magna-tiles, which helped break the ice, but mostly they were rolling around on the floor and doing quasi yoga poses and gymnastics, or sitting on the couch reading books.

OP here. My daughter can play with them great for a few hours or a day visit. It’s the weeklong stay that I’m worried about!

She doesn’t need to play with them nonstop. She can also bond with other relatives who are adults, do errands with you, read, etc.

My in-laws get upset when she doesn’t play with them nonstop and takes a break to read, watch some videos, etc. They tell her that she only sees them a few times a year and so should play with them and that she can read when she’s alone our home!