Having another child after a bad case of PPD

[Anonymous]

Did you have another child after a bad case of PPD?

After smooth (mental) sailing after kid #1, I was knocked flat by a really rough case of PPD after my second. He’s a year old, and I’m STILL crawling out of it.

We always wanted a third. I WANT a third. But I’m terrified of going through this again. And I’m 38 so I don’t have a ton of time.

How did you prep differently for the next postpartum phase?

[Anonymous]

Oh, that is hard OP.

My first pregnancy was fine and then my second knocked me on my backside with my body going haywire. I still haven't recovered 10 years later. We wanted a third as well, and I briefly considered adoption, but in the end I made peace with having two kids. So many people can't even have one child, and I was able to feel gratitude for the two I have.

I know how you feel. It's very hard not to face a tough choice. I would just say that you have to put on your oxygen mask first or you won't be good for anyone, including the two children you already have. Please think about a third in close consultation with your doctors and loved ones.

[Anonymous]

Start seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in maternal mental health well in advance. Discuss whether and what medications you might take during and after pregnancy (you want someone up-to-date on the safety research). Walk through possibilities and create specific plans for what to do if you (or your spouse, or other family member, or friends) notice issues. This includes educating those people and getting them on board. Loop in your OB. Make sure your spouse has the contact information for your OB and psychiatrist so they can alert them. Have regular appointments after birth. Figure out what's possible for you to ensure that you are getting decent sleep (lack of sleep is a huge depression trigger). That might mean coordinating with your spouse so they take all night wakeups for one chunk of the night and you take the other so you are both getting a stretch of uninterrupted sleep. This may involve introducing a bottle early to make sure your partner can feed the baby without waking you up. It might involve a night nurse or something else. Make sure you have a plan to ensure that you are getting outside every day (ideally in the morning) for fresh air and sunlight. Plan to make sure you are getting nutritious food. Plans for all of those things. Those plans can help you feel more confident and also make sure that any issues are caught and addressed early.

[Anonymous]

With my second I started taking Zoloft the day I gave birth because I was so depressed after my first. The midwife had the prescription all ready for me. I was able to stop taking it by his first birthday.

[Anonymous]

I would start the pregnancy in therapy. Actually start now and figure out what triggered the PPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in maternal mental health well in advance. Discuss whether and what medications you might take during and after pregnancy (you want someone up-to-date on the safety research). Walk through possibilities and create specific plans for what to do if you (or your spouse, or other family member, or friends) notice issues. This includes educating those people and getting them on board. Loop in your OB. Make sure your spouse has the contact information for your OB and psychiatrist so they can alert them. Have regular appointments after birth. Figure out what's possible for you to ensure that you are getting decent sleep (lack of sleep is a huge depression trigger). That might mean coordinating with your spouse so they take all night wakeups for one chunk of the night and you take the other so you are both getting a stretch of uninterrupted sleep. This may involve introducing a bottle early to make sure your partner can feed the baby without waking you up. It might involve a night nurse or something else. Make sure you have a plan to ensure that you are getting outside every day (ideally in the morning) for fresh air and sunlight. Plan to make sure you are getting nutritious food. Plans for all of those things. Those plans can help you feel more confident and also make sure that any issues are caught and addressed early.

OP here. Thanks - a lot of this I’d what I’m thinking. The sleep in particular was/is a BIG trigger for me. And we’re thinking for a third we just go straight to formula (or at least combo feeding).

I’d love to hear some personal stories. Anyone out there have another kid after PPD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With my second I started taking Zoloft the day I gave birth because I was so depressed after my first. The midwife had the prescription all ready for me. I was able to stop taking it by his first birthday.

How did you feel in the second postpartum period? Was the Zoloft enough or did you feel you ended up with PPD the second time, too?

[Anonymous]

My PPD was so bad I wasn't going to have another. My DH was delaying his vasectomy and a condom slipped off.

In anticipation of the birth, I developed a relationship with a therapist specializing in this, so I had the reassurance - honestly, this is what I asked him - that he would be able to commit me if it happened again. It did not happen the second time.

My Dr was Tom Fogarty in Fairfax but I don't think he is taking new patients.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would start the pregnancy in therapy. Actually start now and figure out what triggered the PPD.

This plus formula feeding. My husband did all night feeds every few days so I could sleep a full night and on other nights we traded off so we each got a solid chunk of hours sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my second I started taking Zoloft the day I gave birth because I was so depressed after my first. The midwife had the prescription all ready for me. I was able to stop taking it by his first birthday.

How did you feel in the second postpartum period? Was the Zoloft enough or did you feel you ended up with PPD the second time, too?

I felt fine, in fact my husband ended up losing his job a month after I gave birth and I was completely relaxed about it. I stopped taking it because it made me inherently lazy; I was so "chill" that I wasn't able to get anything done.

[Anonymous]

I had bad postpartum PTSD after my first was born. I waited 4 years to have a second. I waited until I was truly well rested, had done a ton of therapy, and had a lot of support and really felt that I had the capacity and desire to do it again. The second was an easier baby but still knocked me back down again. Sleep deprivation for me is a huge trigger for poor moods and number two was and continues to be a terrible sleeper.

I always, always wanted 3 kids. But I have had to accept that my mental health, marriage, and family cannot handle a third child, even though I badly, badly wanted 3 children. I have made peace that the tHe risk to my mental health is not worth it. I get sad when I see others who have 3 kids. But I also see
How much harder it is than having 2. I don’t think anyone who is on the fence about it should have 3 kids unless they really, truly have the mental strength, emotional capacity, and resilience to do it. It’s hard even in the best of situations and it’s selfish to keep t your desire for a third child override your common sense and very real limits as a human being. If you are still crawling out of PPD with a one year old, you are not ready to introduce a third child into your family.

My own mother did what you are suggesting because she thought she was getting too old and needed to have her third baby before she hit 40 and my younger sister and I are 19 months apart. I felt massively displaced when she was born and we struggled with sibling rivalry and competitiveness her whole life because my mom didn’t have the capacity to fully nurture both of us and was overwhelmed parenting 3 under 5.

Your dreams for the size of your family should not be the deciding factor here, you have to be more pragmatic than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would start the pregnancy in therapy. Actually start now and figure out what triggered the PPD.

This plus formula feeding. My husband did all night feeds every few days so I could sleep a full night and on other nights we traded off so we each got a solid chunk of hours sleeping.

My mother had post partimos psychosis with me. So for my younger sibling she formula fed out the gate. They had a house cleaner (and I get the impression this was not a no-big-deal expense it was also the 80s and less common). And other plans in place.

Just for what it’s worth I have had depression so in my own pregnancies with this family history I started on an antidepressant late in the 3rd trimester.

I know you’re talking about PPD and not post partum psychosis but I thought I’d chime in anyways.

[Anonymous]

I'm one and done in part because I just can't do that again, myself.

[Anonymous]

After a serious case of PPD after the birth of DC1, I had my second placenta encapsulated and consumed it in a daily pill.

The placenta contains very high amounts of iron and progesterone. I was severely anemic after the birth of DC2, so iron helped with that. Progesterone plummets vertiginously after birth and is suspected to trigger PPD in mothers who are predisposed, so we thought it would stave off PPD to consume dried placenta.

I did not develop PPD after DC2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would start the pregnancy in therapy. Actually start now and figure out what triggered the PPD.

This plus formula feeding. My husband did all night feeds every few days so I could sleep a full night and on other nights we traded off so we each got a solid chunk of hours sleeping.

My mother had post partimos psychosis with me. So for my younger sibling she formula fed out the gate. They had a house cleaner (and I get the impression this was not a no-big-deal expense it was also the 80s and less common). And other plans in place.

Just for what it’s worth I have had depression so in my own pregnancies with this family history I started on an antidepressant late in the 3rd trimester.

I know you’re talking about PPD and not post partum psychosis but I thought I’d chime in anyways.

Yep. Formula feeding so you can sleep is a totally valid choice and can make a big difference for women who may be at risk for or struggling with these types of issues. Lack of sleep definitely impacts mental well-being and in the post partum period exacerbates all of the hormonal and other changes ongoing.