How did you choose your egg donor?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I recently found out that my eggs are most likely a no-go. I’m still pretty emotional about it, but have started looking through donor websites and wondered if anyone had any advice.
Apparently I’m vain because I find myself looking for someone who looks like me (light hair and eyes) but, as my husband has dark brown hair and eyes, maybe that’s silly? Obviously, I want to find someone intelligent with a great family health history, but how did you decide? What factors were most important to you and what should I prioritize? Thanks so much in advance for any comments! |
Anonymous
| We did frozen donor egg. Our criteria were good education, clean health history, somewhat similar looks and upon our RE’s advice we chose a proven donor. |
Anonymous
| Thanks very much! |
Anonymous
Thanks for pointing out the massively imbalanced power dynamics inherent in “donation”. I do wonder, did you think that perhaps you could be more sensitive when replying? |
Anonymous
|
Additionally, I actually donated my eggs when I was in college (haha, wish I’d banked some!) so have experienced the process from the donor side and, thankfully, had a positive experience.
Do you have anything to add that’s an original thought or personal experience? I thought not. But thanks again for being such an as#hole! |
Anonymous
Perhaps your donated eggs are still in a freezer somewhere. Have you tried looking for them? |
Anonymous
|
I did a frozen egg add on to an IVF cycle.
Ultimately I went with my gut. The first profile I read was the one! I forced myself to read others to be sure. I put most weight on the personal statements which admittedly is more of a gestalt feel. I excluded anyone who looked nothing like me. Checked the family history. Education level ended up being less important than I would have thought a priori but I did look for signs of intelligence. (I recall another profile where the person needed tutoring to achieve a 3.3 whereas the one I ultimately choose said she could have skipped a great and was top of her class in vocational school.) I did sort by height because there were a lot a really short women, but short wouldn't have been an exclusion criteria if everything else was good. After I selected I did find out that there was a live birth with her eggs. Also she is willing to be contacted by my child when they turn 18. I did worry about exploitation (I read a mix of egg donor experiences both positive and negative before deciding) - I felt the person I chose might be at higher risk than some other profiles but the feeling that she was the right person was so overwhelming that I still went with her. I can only hope that the process was positive for her. If you use a fresh egg donor there is more of an ability to control the process (including the ethics) but that wasn't an option for me. |
Anonymous
|
I looked for:
- donors who looked like they could be related to me or my husband. (Based on excellent advice someone else gave me - you won't find anyone who looks like you, but you can find people who could plausibly be related to you.) - proven donors. This was HUGE for us. We were exhausted in every possible way so only wanted to go w/ donors from whose eggs healthy babies had resulted. - as clean a health history (donor and family) as possible - intellect. This was the hardest. Our best donor hadn't gone to college. However, she had a child whom our RE knew. The RE said "I know this donor and I have met her child and I am telling you that there is nothing to worry about intellectually." So we trusted her. (And my kids are plenty bright.) - availability. We weren't willing to wait for a more perfect donor - we wanted someone who was available in the very near term. Good luck OP!!! |
Anonymous
| Last pp here - meant to add that we went with a donor who was local, and known to our clinic (rather than a donor bank). That gave us the ability for fresh eggs, for well coordinated cycles, and for a level of personal knowledge (as I said above) that was comforting. |
Anonymous
|
#1 YOUNG (research shows best success is with younger donors: https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/27/1/118/714113)
#2 Looks like me #3 Health history #4 Education #5 blood type--long story but I wanted a blood type that could conceivably show it was possible for my kids to have come from me. You may not care about that factor) |
Anonymous
|
Proven fertility - hadn’t donated before but had a previous live birth. Looked generally like me in terms of eye color, hair color, etc. As far as intellect, she hadn’t yet gone to college but was donating to get money to get started and I thought that that showed but intellectual interest (she had degree/career plans that made sense) and “gumption,” for lack of a better term. She had a life story that described various hurdles and ways that she had figured out how to overcome them and I appreciated that.
Also timing - she was local and ready to get started before the school year began. |
Anonymous
In a world of 23andme, why would blood type matter so much? |
Anonymous
| Maybe the poster is from / lives in a country where family blood types are routinely listed on medical forms and doesn’t want every medical professional commenting on the discrepancy. |
Anonymous
| I looked at medical history, looks like me, seems smart (but they are all very young, so they don’t have a ton of educational track record), and then I just picked someone I liked! The egg donor had a lot of the same interests as me (which obviously doesn’t pass down through her genes at all), but it made her feel familiar and make this weird process easier. I got a fantastic daughter out of the deal. Good luck to you! |
Anonymous
| I’m the PP. I used frozen eggs for the convenience. Unproven donor. Got a lot of 6 eggs. Made 6 perfect embryos. It was so completely different doing a donor egg cycle than doing a cycle with my own crappy eggs. Night and day. |