So my daughter was suspended for surfing skin care websites at school

[Anonymous]

I have told my anxious, ADD-afflicted daughter not to use her phone at school. Just put it away....So when she finished her work early, she was allowed to surf the web. She likes skin care (pimple popper, anyone?) and scalpels came up. Teacher saw this and noted it could be used as a weapon.
Counselor called, my DD, age 17, was suspended. If she'd surfed on her phone, as some other students were doing during this downtime, there would have been no problem. But using the school's computer "to search for weapons" is forbidden.
I'd really hoped this school would have more emotional support and flexibility when it came to enforcing these rules. Of course they have to be vigilant, but my DD has no history of violence; she explained what she doing, but the clincher was that she was doing it on the school computer.
I don't think a student learns much from being suspended for a day, except to use her phone and to be wary of the school's counselor, who I think is quick to suspend students.
I'm upset. DD was out with covid for a week and was just catching up. Now she's behind again, and discouraged and a bit afraid. So am I. Ten suspensions and she would have to leave the school. I chose not to contest the suspension because it would just anger the counselor, who might retaliate, and my DD was using the school's computer.
Silver linings: Her day off was beautiful and she used it well, spent a lot of time outside.
It's only the counselor who is this nuts. The other teachers (so far) seem reasonable and kind.

[Anonymous]

What a scary experience for your DD and your family. When my DC was much younger, we had something similar happen and it scared us, too. Zero tolerance policies are problematic; however I think that hard rules are valuable to teach kids that they really do need to pay attention to what they're doing and follow the rules. Our experience taught us that.

When did the suspension happen? Are you within the timeframe to content the suspension? I would contest it, for my DC.

[Anonymous]

Tomorrow (10/21) is the deadline to contest. I wrote an email explaining the facts, but my DD doesn't want me to contest it. She says it will anger the school counselor, and I think she's right. We had a meeting and the counselor was very defensive and said school computers couldn't be used for these purposes, etc.
Things had been going well, and now this. I'm really disappointed in the school's policy. My DD likes to cook--if she'd been looking at kitchen equipment, knives could have come up. I hate these zero tolerance policies. They are too narrow-minded. The school is SMALL--everyone knows DD and knows she is not violent, but they all defer to this trigger-happy counselor.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP, this is a difficult situation. Your DC is lucky to have a supportive parent who can differentiate between an innocent mistake vs. something more serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tomorrow (10/21) is the deadline to contest. I wrote an email explaining the facts, but my DD doesn't want me to contest it. She says it will anger the school counselor, and I think she's right. We had a meeting and the counselor was very defensive and said school computers couldn't be used for these purposes, etc.
Things had been going well, and now this. I'm really disappointed in the school's policy. My DD likes to cook--if she'd been looking at kitchen equipment, knives could have come up. I hate these zero tolerance policies. They are too narrow-minded. The school is SMALL--everyone knows DD and knows she is not violent, but they all defer to this trigger-happy counselor.

22:44 here. I would discuss with your DD, tomorrow morning and ongoing after that, the importance of being aware of what is appropriate in certain situations and what isn't. Surfing the web after completing work is acceptable but she should be careful about what she is looking at, whether on a school/work computer or on her phone. This is an important life lesson. And also discuss with your DD that because she has learned from this, contesting the suspension is the right thing to do (fwiw, being unwilling to contest the suspension only because the counselor will be mad is not a mature, rational decision). Include this in the email to the counselor, explaining that your DD has really learned from this mistake, has realized what she did was wrong and why, and will not repeat it.

[Anonymous]

This is absolutely ridiculous. I am so sorry. I would contest it despite what my dc said.

[Anonymous]

You all are nuts. She was looking at inappropriate websites (per school policy) using school devices. They learn this is a "no no" in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Life lesson for your DD - do not use a school-provided device to do anything other than school work. When you grow up, do not use a work-provided device to do anything personal. No personal emails from your school email. Any device you use and any wifi you are provided access to can be spying on you. Your personal life happens only on your personal device, and if you are accessing a school email or website from your personal device, you must be careful to log out when you are finished so it is not tracking you. Geofencing can be happening too.

I would appeal to leave a clear written record that your daughter was watching medical info and nothing violent or dangerous.

[Anonymous]

That makes no sense at all. There are many things that can be weapons - are they never going to teach about them or show imagery? No wars or medical info?

Context matters 100%. Watching a procedure that includes a sharp medical tool is not searching for weapons.

Did she search for scalpels or was just watching the video.

While it is fine to not contest it, I might put a response on file.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That makes no sense at all. There are many things that can be weapons - are they never going to teach about them or show imagery? No wars or medical info?

Context matters 100%. Watching a procedure that includes a sharp medical tool is not searching for weapons.

Did she search for scalpels or was just watching the video.

While it is fine to not contest it, I might put a response on file.

+1
A textbook could be a weapon if you conk someone over the head. I guess this explains why my kids didn’t do any dissections in biology. I thought it was a deficient curriculum, but I guess they were afraid of arming the kids. I wonder when they’re going to shut down chem labs.

[Anonymous]

You have to contest it to ensure that this is not contained in her records. I would be worried about something that could be transmitted to a college - what college is going to want to take on a student with “suspensions related to violence?”. I’ve seen these kinds of things disproportionately affect minority or low-income students because they get suspended for something stupid (in one case it was bringing a porno image to school on a device and - dumb but not the end of the world - and being told the school had to get them on the sex offenders registry!) because their parents don’t fight back and make a stink.

With these stupid no-strike/zero tolerance policies the days of “let the kids learn a lesson and let the school handle it” are over. You go fight for your kid because the blowbacks can be way disproportionate to the “crime”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That makes no sense at all. There are many things that can be weapons - are they never going to teach about them or show imagery? No wars or medical info?

Context matters 100%. Watching a procedure that includes a sharp medical tool is not searching for weapons.

Did she search for scalpels or was just watching the video.

While it is fine to not contest it, I might put a response on file.

+1
A textbook could be a weapon if you conk someone over the head. I guess this explains why my kids didn’t do any dissections in biology. I thought it was a deficient curriculum, but I guess they were afraid of arming the kids. I wonder when they’re going to shut down chem labs.

funny, not funny that you mention that. Some of the best tools for art, even as benign as sharpening (colored or charcoal) pencils with an exact-o knife are forbidden for example. When I was in middle school we did some leather made projects using awls. Can’t imagine more being allowed to use awls or some shop equipment these days. SMH. Things were not perfect in the 70s/80s but some things today just aren’t right anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That makes no sense at all. There are many things that can be weapons - are they never going to teach about them or show imagery? No wars or medical info?

Context matters 100%. Watching a procedure that includes a sharp medical tool is not searching for weapons.

Did she search for scalpels or was just watching the video.

While it is fine to not contest it, I might put a response on file.

+1
A textbook could be a weapon if you conk someone over the head. I guess this explains why my kids didn’t do any dissections in biology. I thought it was a deficient curriculum, but I guess they were afraid of arming the kids. I wonder when they’re going to shut down chem labs.

funny, not funny that you mention that. Some of the best tools for art, even as benign as sharpening (colored or charcoal) pencils with an exact-o knife are forbidden for example. When I was in middle school we did some leather made projects using awls. Can’t imagine more being allowed to use awls or some shop equipment these days. SMH. Things were not perfect in the 70s/80s but some things today just aren’t right anymore.

PS I would at least get something on record for your child. Acknowledge that the use of the school computer was inappropriate but the subject (dermatology) should not be. Someone else can probably provide better language for you.

[Anonymous]

So no shop or art or home ec or chemistry...

Anything can be a weapon...

Are you sure she was allowed to be watching youtube videos? I am guessing she broke some policy related to what she was supposed to be doing / allowed to be watching during her free time online rather than their being a scalpel being used in the video.

I would touch base with the original teacher who got her in trouble to see what actually happened.

[Anonymous]

It’s not really about the scalpel. It’s about using a school issued device for a non-school related purpose. In every school system that is not allowed. I can’t believe how many people are defending this. OP even said that other people are looking at similar things on their personal phones. Well, yeah, because that’s allowed.