Reflections on the application process after six weeks of K

[Anonymous]

We are six weeks into Kindergarten at a wonderful local independent school. I've been thinking a lot about the experience of the application process now that we are settling in and wanted to share some reflections for those who are starting the process now.

- We found the school that is right for our kid, but wouldn't have ended up here if we got into other schools we thought we liked more. We decided to apply to only the three schools we were most excited about. We were waitlisted at two and accepted at the third, where DD is attending. We wouldn't have applied if we didn't think it was a wonderful place, but at the time admissions decisions were communicated, we were disappointed.

- Generally speaking, I'm a pretty level-headed person and don't get swept up by a lot of the BS in this city. I entered the admissions process thinking I'd stay cool as a cucumber but I found the K admissions process to be a real mindf*ck. Our DD attended a local private preschool that is wonderful but also one of the "feeders" to the private schools, which means that in the spring of your kiddo's final year, you find yourself in the middle of a sea of competitive and anxious parents, most trying to get their kids into the top private school, surely envisioning how that will lead to a future ivy school acceptance. I saw it all happening and could diagnose it -- feeling gross to be in the midst of it -- and it STILL messed with my head. Looking back, it's clear that my disappointment about where DD did and didn't get in was far more about what this group of parents thought of as the top schools as opposed to which school stood out to our family as the best fit for DD. I'm not proud to admit that but it's true. I remember coming home from a school event in tears because of the sympathetic look I got from another parent when I told her where DD was attending. So messed up - both that she reacted that way and that I cared!

- Thankfully, things worked out and DD is at a school that is wonderful for her. It's been a natural transition and she is developing a genuine love of learning. We are seeing her blossom and so far the experience is all we hoped for. But i am reminded that we wouldn't be here if we got in elsewhere and we'd allowed ourselves to be swayed by other's opinions.

So, this is a cautionary tale but one that ultimately worked out great for us. As you head into this process, please stay focused on what matters. What is the school that is the best fit for YOUR child at THIS time? This is SUCH an obvious statement and yet I find that this is not how most parents seem to choose the schools for their kids. And it's a trap that I fell into myself!!

Would you rather choose a school where people will "ooh" and "aah" that your kid is at the same place some Presidents' kids went (which may be a great school but probably isn't the RIGHT school for all the kids whose parents are fighting to get them in), or the school where YOUR child will blossom? So grateful that life worked out as it should for us - despite what I might have chosen if all the options were available to us.

[Anonymous]

Op, what I am reading here is a lot of moral superiority tossed with competitiveness and jealousy. If you’re going to be so above it all don’t get down in the mud. And the thing is, a lot of those mud slingers don’t even know that you’re in the mud or they’re in the mud. They were always going to go to those schools because of legacies, connections, it’s next door to their house, whatever and what have you. We got into all of the top three schools from a public and we don’t have any of the same ew gross feelings. And we aren’t envisioning an Ivy League anything. This is kindergarten. You’re simultaneously projecting, judging based on those projections, and justifying. Quit thinking others are thinking like you and about you this much. They’re not. And move along already.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your words. We all want for our children to be happy and make friends and it’s so easy to get caught up in the “competition” — which is really ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what I am reading here is a lot of moral superiority tossed with competitiveness and jealousy. If you’re going to be so above it all don’t get down in the mud. And the thing is, a lot of those mud slingers don’t even know that you’re in the mud or they’re in the mud. They were always going to go to those schools because of legacies, connections, it’s next door to their house, whatever and what have you. We got into all of the top three schools from a public and we don’t have any of the same ew gross feelings. And we aren’t envisioning an Ivy League anything. This is kindergarten. You’re simultaneously projecting, judging based on those projections, and justifying. Quit thinking others are thinking like you and about you this much. They’re not. And move along already.

What was that you were saying about moral superiority?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what I am reading here is a lot of moral superiority tossed with competitiveness and jealousy. If you’re going to be so above it all don’t get down in the mud. And the thing is, a lot of those mud slingers don’t even know that you’re in the mud or they’re in the mud. They were always going to go to those schools because of legacies, connections, it’s next door to their house, whatever and what have you. We got into all of the top three schools from a public and we don’t have any of the same ew gross feelings. And we aren’t envisioning an Ivy League anything. This is kindergarten. You’re simultaneously projecting, judging based on those projections, and justifying. Quit thinking others are thinking like you and about you this much. They’re not. And move along already.

OP here. Shoot, bummer that it came off that way! I really feel great about how things ended up, though I didn’t previously. If I ever had a sense of superiority, it was probably before the process began when I was confident I’d stay focused on what really matters. I lost track of that and I’m not proud of it. I think I would have benefited from hearing this perspective a year ago. But I’m genuinely happy with how things ended up for us - and also very happy for those who are equally happy at their schools of choice!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for this! Ugh I hate that getting into K is so nerve-wracking. Did you feel like all three of the schools that you applied to were on par academically? We hope to send our daughter to the right school for her, but one that I really like so far has mixed academic reviews. It seems like such a big decision, so this really helps to keep things in perspective. I am sure wherever she ends up will work out and if not, we can always try again. She's still young. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP that you can get really in the weeds applying for schools for your young child. I come from a vastly different background than OP but I still thought I'd keep a clear head and it was still tricky.

I also think we ended up at the best school for DC and our family and might have been actively miserable at others.


To PP, it is really easy to feel superior when your child gets into all the schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for this! Ugh I hate that getting into K is so nerve-wracking. Did you feel like all three of the schools that you applied to were on par academically? We hope to send our daughter to the right school for her, but one that I really like so far has mixed academic reviews. It seems like such a big decision, so this really helps to keep things in perspective. I am sure wherever she ends up will work out and if not, we can always try again. She's still young. Thanks!

Keep in mind that what we might consider huge "academic differences" on this board might be minor in the scheme of things. If the way the teaching is done doesn't work for your child, they aren't going to benefit from that school no matter it's reputation.

[Anonymous]

Let me give some advice as a parent of teenagers: where your kid goes to elementary school really does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me give some advice as a parent of teenagers: where your kid goes to elementary school really does not matter.

100%. Also, my teens can barely remember a single experience from kindergarten, let alone name their K teacher. Which is a little annoying considering how much effort and energy went into selecting their school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what I am reading here is a lot of moral superiority tossed with competitiveness and jealousy. If you’re going to be so above it all don’t get down in the mud. And the thing is, a lot of those mud slingers don’t even know that you’re in the mud or they’re in the mud. They were always going to go to those schools because of legacies, connections, it’s next door to their house, whatever and what have you. We got into all of the top three schools from a public and we don’t have any of the same ew gross feelings. And we aren’t envisioning an Ivy League anything. This is kindergarten. You’re simultaneously projecting, judging based on those projections, and justifying. Quit thinking others are thinking like you and about you this much. They’re not. And move along already.

What a weird reaction to the OP's post. The irony is this poster comes off as exactly what she's accussing OP of.

OP- I appreciate your thoughts and reflections of your experience in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what I am reading here is a lot of moral superiority tossed with competitiveness and jealousy. If you’re going to be so above it all don’t get down in the mud. And the thing is, a lot of those mud slingers don’t even know that you’re in the mud or they’re in the mud. They were always going to go to those schools because of legacies, connections, it’s next door to their house, whatever and what have you. We got into all of the top three schools from a public and we don’t have any of the same ew gross feelings. And we aren’t envisioning an Ivy League anything. This is kindergarten. You’re simultaneously projecting, judging based on those projections, and justifying. Quit thinking others are thinking like you and about you this much. They’re not. And move along already.

What a weird reaction to the OP's post. The irony is this poster comes off as exactly what she's accussing OP of.

OP- I appreciate your thoughts and reflections of your experience in the process.

+1
OP nice to see someone share their experience in a positive and grateful way!

[Anonymous]

It just reads as back end justification. How is it super positive and reflective?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me give some advice as a parent of teenagers: where your kid goes to elementary school really does not matter.

so true!

[Anonymous]

I agree with the process becoming a mind*uck. I took the admissions process deeply personal and I shouldn't have. My husband was able to separate his emotions but I couldn't and I'm grateful that he was able to ground me.

I hope I can carry the lesson I learned for the next 15 years