Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight

[Anonymous]

My 3.5yo is as stubborn as all get out - the #1 way to get him to go potty / put on his shoes etc is to say “whatever you do, don’t go potty! I really don’t want you to right now!”

His sleep has always been pretty bad but now that he’s in a bed, bedtime (and overnight too but especially bedtime) has gone to hell. He gets out of bed 1000 times and if he doesn’t come fine me, he wrecks his room (throwing all clothes out of drawers / unmaking bed and making tents etc.

He’s definitely tired (doesn’t nap anymore and plays this game for hours) and even just .25mg of melatonin makes bedtime easy. Without it, he just will not give up the fight and let his body relax and go to sleep.

I’ve tried ALL the things - ticket system (he gave no f’s that his tickets were used up and just kept coming, timed checkins, rubbing his back and staying (if anything he got even more wound up with me in the room playing a game of starting to get out of bed and seeing when I’d react), listing to stories or calming music, lavender diffuser, and routine has always been very consistent.

It’s not possible to just lock him in his room (low windows and other aspects make that unsafe) and even if I could he’s the type of kid who would escalate until he hurt himself being wild if I didn’t respond

I have 2 other kids who sleep well. What in the world do I do with this one?? I’m losing my mind over this

[Anonymous]

PeadPod Plus Travel Bed/Tent? Some settle better in a smaller cozy space.

[Anonymous]

I think you may want to post this over in special needs. It sounds like you have other kids who can go to bed just fine so it is not your basic parenting skills.

First I'd talk to your pediatrician about the behavior to rule out anything medical. Do you not want to give him melatonin? What does the dr. say about melatonin use?

Destroying the room would be unacceptable in my house. I would take everything out of his room so he couldn't be destructive. Does he even need a pillow? He could sleep with just one blanket with the mattress on the floor-- or even warm pajamas. I would completely "pre-school proof" his room. If there is nothing in there he can't make tents, play games, etc. Once he begins to sleep through the night, he can start getting his stuff back.

Sounds extreme, but, he is entrenched in a routine--just not the right routine.

[Anonymous]

We got my daughter a toniebox at that age and listening to stories while she falls asleep really helps her decompress to fall asleep. My DD wasn’t destructive though- she’s stay in her room but would yell for us to come back for approximately 1 million things (water, toys she could easily reach on her own, etc) so not sure if it’s really the same situation.

[Anonymous]

Melatonin sounds like it works. Does just that alone do the trick, or are you reluctant to give it regularly?

[Anonymous]

What’s his schedule OP? Is his bed too early? Too late? He sounds overtired to me. I’d keep with the melatonin for a little bit. I also agree with clearing out his room so he has nothing to destroy.

[Anonymous]

Op here - yes melatonin seems to fully solve the problem. But it sounds like the side effects of long term use are unknown and concerning in some animal studies. But side effects of him having chronic sleep deprivation is also real. I will do melatonin when he’s sick and particularly struggling then try to wean him off and it all goes back to hell.

I’ve bedtimes between 645-730. He often doesn’t give up to 9pm either way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - yes melatonin seems to fully solve the problem. But it sounds like the side effects of long term use are unknown and concerning in some animal studies. But side effects of him having chronic sleep deprivation is also real. I will do melatonin when he’s sick and particularly struggling then try to wean him off and it all goes back to hell.

I’ve bedtimes between 645-730. He often doesn’t give up to 9pm either way

Yeah, 9 definitely feels late. When does he wake for the day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got my daughter a toniebox at that age and listening to stories while she falls asleep really helps her decompress to fall asleep. My DD wasn’t destructive though- she’s stay in her room but would yell for us to come back for approximately 1 million things (water, toys she could easily reach on her own, etc) so not sure if it’s really the same situation.

I’ve tried audio thomas the train stories and he will lay there awake for hours listening to them. And I’ve tried Moshii stories and they’re too boring and don’t keep him still

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - yes melatonin seems to fully solve the problem. But it sounds like the side effects of long term use are unknown and concerning in some animal studies. But side effects of him having chronic sleep deprivation is also real. I will do melatonin when he’s sick and particularly struggling then try to wean him off and it all goes back to hell.

I’ve bedtimes between 645-730. He often doesn’t give up to 9pm either way

Yeah, 9 definitely feels late. When does he wake for the day?

When he goes it be around 715 with melatonin, he’s usually up around 630. When he’s up until 9 fighting bedtime I usually have to wake him up at 715 for preschool, or if it’s the weekend he sleeps until between 730-830.

[Anonymous]

Could it just be too early? My kids have never, ever been able to sleep before 8:30. Either of them, at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3.5yo is as stubborn as all get out - the #1 way to get him to go potty / put on his shoes etc is to say “whatever you do, don’t go potty! I really don’t want you to right now!”

His sleep has always been pretty bad but now that he’s in a bed, bedtime (and overnight too but especially bedtime) has gone to hell. He gets out of bed 1000 times and if he doesn’t come fine me, he wrecks his room (throwing all clothes out of drawers / unmaking bed and making tents etc.

He’s definitely tired (doesn’t nap anymore and plays this game for hours) and even just .25mg of melatonin makes bedtime easy. Without it, he just will not give up the fight and let his body relax and go to sleep.

I’ve tried ALL the things - ticket system (he gave no f’s that his tickets were used up and just kept coming, timed checkins, rubbing his back and staying (if anything he got even more wound up with me in the room playing a game of starting to get out of bed and seeing when I’d react), listing to stories or calming music, lavender diffuser, and routine has always been very consistent.

It’s not possible to just lock him in his room (low windows and other aspects make that unsafe) and even if I could he’s the type of kid who would escalate until he hurt himself being wild if I didn’t respond

I have 2 other kids who sleep well. What in the world do I do with this one?? I’m losing my mind over this

Olly sleepy gummies are the only way my night owl child will go to sleep. 1-2 of those and she knocked out. The days we run out she is up until 2:00am

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - yes melatonin seems to fully solve the problem. But it sounds like the side effects of long term use are unknown and concerning in some animal studies. But side effects of him having chronic sleep deprivation is also real. I will do melatonin when he’s sick and particularly struggling then try to wean him off and it all goes back to hell.

I’ve bedtimes between 645-730. He often doesn’t give up to 9pm either way

Yeah, 9 definitely feels late. When does he wake for the day?

When he goes it be around 715 with melatonin, he’s usually up around 630. When he’s up until 9 fighting bedtime I usually have to wake him up at 715 for preschool, or if it’s the weekend he sleeps until between 730-830.

Have you tried waking him consistently at 7:15-7:30 every single day even on weekends? 8:30 start to the day to me means 9 pm bed is pretty reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - yes melatonin seems to fully solve the problem. But it sounds like the side effects of long term use are unknown and concerning in some animal studies. But side effects of him having chronic sleep deprivation is also real. I will do melatonin when he’s sick and particularly struggling then try to wean him off and it all goes back to hell.

I’ve bedtimes between 645-730. He often doesn’t give up to 9pm either way

6:45-7:30 is too early

[Anonymous]

For my child, at that age I had to sit in his room until he fell asleep. I would look at my phone under a blanket since it usually took 30-45 min for him to fall asleep.