Trade ideas for giving a ride

[Anonymous]

A family wants me to drive their child home from an activity, and they’ve made it clear that they can’t drive my child. I don’t know the family well. When we have driven, the child has no snacks and shared my child’s packed car dinner. It’s wouldn’t be a carpool, just a ride. It adds time to my drive for an activity that ends close to bedtime.

I’m thinking about the recent unreciprocated carpool vent thread. Would it be rude to ask for gas and toll money? Or a supply of car snacks or something? I live in a place with variable tolling but it would cost ~$8/drive 2x/week plus gas.

[Anonymous]

I think its fine to ask for compensation as well as they need to pack food or pay extra for food if they are not reciprocated. I'd just decline.

[Anonymous]

Yeah unless you need the money, I’d just say you can’t do it, sorry.

[Anonymous]

I'd just say "sorry we won't be able to bring Liam home from soccer on Wednesdays and Fridays."

I'll go out of my way once for people who don't go out of their way for me. THat's a favor. What these people want is a car service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its fine to ask for compensation as well as they need to pack food or pay extra for food if they are not reciprocated. I'd just decline.

Thanks. It’s club swimming, so a year round activity with a 2-week August break. I just calculated that tolls alone would be $800/year! but I’m afraid that if I asked them for money, they would treat me like an employee and I would lose any flexibility to say I couldn’t drive that week and it would be uncomfortable. I sometimes stop for family dinner on the way home, let my kid sleep over at a teammates’ house near practice, etc.

[Anonymous]

What is their plan B?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its fine to ask for compensation as well as they need to pack food or pay extra for food if they are not reciprocated. I'd just decline.

Thanks. It’s club swimming, so a year round activity with a 2-week August break. I just calculated that tolls alone would be $800/year! but I’m afraid that if I asked them for money, they would treat me like an employee and I would lose any flexibility to say I couldn’t drive that week and it would be uncomfortable. I sometimes stop for family dinner on the way home, let my kid sleep over at a teammates’ house near practice, etc.

OP, you need to say no. Be strong! Set a boundary!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its fine to ask for compensation as well as they need to pack food or pay extra for food if they are not reciprocated. I'd just decline.

Thanks. It’s club swimming, so a year round activity with a 2-week August break. I just calculated that tolls alone would be $800/year! but I’m afraid that if I asked them for money, they would treat me like an employee and I would lose any flexibility to say I couldn’t drive that week and it would be uncomfortable. I sometimes stop for family dinner on the way home, let my kid sleep over at a teammates’ house near practice, etc.

Just. Say. No.

For real, just say no. It will be nothing but headache for you and you will get nothing in return. It is not worth the stress. If this family cares about swim team, they will figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is their plan B?

I don’t think they have one. Their kid used to be always driven home by another kid’s family who switched teams over the summer.

[Anonymous]

If it wasn’t too far out of my way and didn’t cost extra in tolls, I’d give a ride when I was able. But I wouldn’t likely commit to it because sometimes plans change. Also if I did it, they would need to supply car dinners or snacks. Is done the sports where car dinners are a necessity to make the rest of the evening work and I wouldn’t be happy about packing for another kid or having to give my kid more food later. I guess we all have our lines in the sand.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t ask for toll money if you are doing it anyway for your kid. But you are right. This isn’t a carpool, it’s a ride service. Don’t use money as a reason or ask them to pay you. It’s really about the inconvenience. It’s extra time near bedtime. Just tell them your schedule is too tight and you can’t provide rides for anyone else.

[Anonymous]

17:42 again, as for the dinner and snacks, don’t make it about that either. I did an actual carpool with a family who always gave my kid those and I provided nothing. It was because I had dinner ready when we got home and I didn’t want them eating in the car. I told them we ate a late dinner but they still always offered my kid food. Maybe they felt bad. My son stopped taking the food and eventually we stopped carpooling.

These people don’t even want to reciprocate. Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Don't ask for anything and say that you cannot give the child a ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its fine to ask for compensation as well as they need to pack food or pay extra for food if they are not reciprocated. I'd just decline.

Thanks. It’s club swimming, so a year round activity with a 2-week August break. I just calculated that tolls alone would be $800/year! but I’m afraid that if I asked them for money, they would treat me like an employee and I would lose any flexibility to say I couldn’t drive that week and it would be uncomfortable. I sometimes stop for family dinner on the way home, let my kid sleep over at a teammates’ house near practice, etc.

We get requests like this all the time. This is not a carpool so either you get compensated or NO. I'd say no as there is no benefit to you. They need to hire a driver. I would do it for $25 a trip plus expenses like food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:42 again, as for the dinner and snacks, don’t make it about that either. I did an actual carpool with a family who always gave my kid those and I provided nothing. It was because I had dinner ready when we got home and I didn’t want them eating in the car. I told them we ate a late dinner but they still always offered my kid food. Maybe they felt bad. My son stopped taking the food and eventually we stopped carpooling.

These people don’t even want to reciprocate. Just say no.

They were right to offer food to your child if they were feeding theirs.