Tell me about your marriage where you weren’t initially attracted to that person physically
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Anonymous
| As the title says. I met a very nice guy, mba and lawyer, has a child, divorced due to wife cheating and is about 8-9 years older than me. However I’m not physically attracted to him. I scanned over my relationship and where there was a strong physical attraction- those relationships went down in flames. I’m wondering if I need to be trying this the other way around. Less on the attraction and more on the substantive stuff. I’m 35,F no kids. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| Depends on how you feel about a sexless marriage? |
Anonymous
| Brutal honesty…don’t waste your time. I would’ve probably had a different answer 5-10 years ago. Physical attraction / compatibility is very important in a relationship. If the sex is good, then forget everything I’ve said. Otherwise, keep looking. |
Anonymous
+1 heartily concur. |
Anonymous
|
Not fair to him - he deserves to be with someone who is sexually attracted to him, unless sex isn’t important to him. But I imagine it is to you. When times are tough, attraction can be rekindled. But if it was never bothered to begin with, that’s really hard. I wouldn’t do it.
My advice would be totally different if you told me the sex and attraction is good, but you “don’t feel butterflies.” But that doesn’t seem to be the case here. |
Anonymous
| He's an mba AND a lawyer? Wow. Probaby amazing... |
Anonymous
| So you are going after him for his money.... He'd better run. If you lie to the dude and pretend you are attracted to him to get him to marry you, it will not end well. No one wants to marry a dishonest person. |
Anonymous
| There is no spark? Well, just give it a try. If after a few months of having sex and you feel nothing, then you can move on. |
Anonymous
| I dated men to whom I wasn't attracted physically at all. They were nice and very interested in me. I just couldn't do that to myself. You need to be attracted to the person physically. |
Anonymous
NP. It's actually easy to do. most schools offer a 4 year program. You take year one at law, year 2 at the business school, year 3 and 4 back at the law school. I wish I had done it but I was a poet not a quant |
Anonymous
Agreed -NP |
Anonymous
| You’ll cringe from his touch in 4 years, let him go. |
Anonymous
| How long have you known him? How many dates? |
Anonymous
|
I honestly don't get this American obsession with "being attracted" to someone.
I wasn't attracted to DH initially, I guess he's not conventionally attractive. But through the long conversations we had into all hours of the night, romantic date, etc, the attraction developed in those first months. if I had written him off immediately, that wouldn't have happened. We've been married for a while, have regular sex, it's very good sex and I do now find him very attractive. But that developed over time as we fell in love. I'm sure some people look at some guy across a room and there's instant chemistry that ends up in a strong marriage, but that doesn't seem very common |
Anonymous
| Why in the world would you want to be in a marriage with someone that you are not attracted to? It sounds like a life of misery unless you're a gold digger. Don't do it. |