Paying for destination wedding

[Anonymous]

SIL is having a destination wedding at an international location. Flight and resort will cost each couple a little under ~$4K to attend. SIL’s parents and a couple siblings cannot afford this price and are reaching out to us to help pay their way. We have a good salary but have some expenses of our own and cannot afford to pay an extra $8k for family members to attend, but DH won’t hear it from me- he says everyone needs to be there and “so be it” if we have to stretch to make this woek. I think it’s inconsiderate of SIL to be doing a destination wedding in the first place when she knows several family members don’t have the money to go… if having family there is important to her.

Has anyone been in this situation? What is the right thing to do? I’m so uncomfortable about this but don’t want to bother the couple getting married.

[Anonymous]

Extremely inconsiderate that she’s have her wedding at a place that her parents can’t afford!!

[Anonymous]

I'd not go. The whole idea is crazy and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Is SIL your DHs sister? So the parents in question are DH's parents? If that's the case then I might help them out. If it's a more remote relation then no way.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. Your husband is not responsible for funding his sisters dream wedding. What’s next giving her a down payment for a house? No no no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extremely inconsiderate that she’s have her wedding at a place that her parents can’t afford!!

It’s inconsiderate of the family to look to OP for help paying their way if they can’t afford it. It’s an invitation, not a summons. If they don’t make it, it’s sad but that’s life.

It’s not inconsiderate to have a destination wedding unless you insist people come. OP didn’t indicate this is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is SIL your DHs sister? So the parents in question are DH's parents? If that's the case then I might help them out. If it's a more remote relation then no way.

Yes, that’s the relationship. I want DH’s parents to go, obviously… but I feel like this isn’t our responsibility and it’s not chump change for us either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is SIL your DHs sister? So the parents in question are DH's parents? If that's the case then I might help them out. If it's a more remote relation then no way.

Yes, that’s the relationship. I want DH’s parents to go, obviously… but I feel like this isn’t our responsibility and it’s not chump change for us either

Agree, but in my DH's family I could see us paying for DHs parents if needed. That said, it sounds like they aren't paying for any of the wedding itself, despite the fact that it is their daughter, so it does seem like they should be able to afford their own travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is SIL your DHs sister? So the parents in question are DH's parents? If that's the case then I might help them out. If it's a more remote relation then no way.

Yes, that’s the relationship. I want DH’s parents to go, obviously… but I feel like this isn’t our responsibility and it’s not chump change for us either

Agree, but in my DH's family I could see us paying for DHs parents if needed. That said, it sounds like they aren't paying for any of the wedding itself, despite the fact that it is their daughter, so it does seem like they should be able to afford their own travel.

They’re on a fixed income and aren’t able to pay for a wedding or $4k for travel. This is probably not uncommon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is SIL your DHs sister? So the parents in question are DH's parents? If that's the case then I might help them out. If it's a more remote relation then no way.

Yes, that’s the relationship. I want DH’s parents to go, obviously… but I feel like this isn’t our responsibility and it’s not chump change for us either

Agree, but in my DH's family I could see us paying for DHs parents if needed. That said, it sounds like they aren't paying for any of the wedding itself, despite the fact that it is their daughter, so it does seem like they should be able to afford their own travel.

They’re on a fixed income and aren’t able to pay for a wedding or $4k for travel. This is probably not uncommon

Maybe you should skip the wedding and let your husband take his parents. That'll save you money, and obviously you don;t want to go anyway.

[Anonymous]

if he contributes to her wedding then that is his gift to her.

[Anonymous]

Have SIL pay.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t SIL pay? It’s her wedding her parents can’t afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. Your husband is not responsible for funding his sisters dream wedding. What’s next giving her a down payment for a house? No no no.

The entire family is irresponsible. The bride for organizing a wedding that cost $4000 a couple snd that her own parents cannot afford, the parents, instead of telling the daughter what she did was not right , go around to other family members begging for money, the siblings who cannot afford it same, go around begging. You are asked to shell out $12,000 for the wedding? I am kicking, but for that price I would request a written warranty that the marriage is going to last at least 10 years of they refund you. These people are a bunch of irresponsible people and frankly with little shame

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t SIL pay? It’s her wedding her parents can’t afford.

This - why is everyone asking you to pay? SIL should find a less expensive destination or she and her fiancé can go themselves and her family can have a small celebration for them when they get back. You and dh can host. I guarantee it will cost you a fraction of flying everyone out there. You can show the wedding video on a loop.