Informing coach about ADHD

[Anonymous]

My child plays on a very competitive travel team that he barely made. We're new to the team this year. The last few years, I haven't mentioned his ADHD to his coaches because I thought we had it under control; however, I think he was punished last year for being "aloof" and lacking sport-specific IQ. I think I want to write a short email to his new coach and just explain that he has ADHD, he takes medication for it, and there might be times this year when he struggles to stay focused in games or practices; however, as parents, we are fully committed to getting him help, including he takes private lessons to work on skill development and he's working with a sports psychologist who is familiar with his ADHD. His coach last year was really frustrated with him at times, and I'm hoping with a fresh start to do things better. Has this worked for anyone else? I do not want to start the year as a problem parent, and my child prefers to hide his ADHD, so this is tricky.

[Anonymous]

I think it's best to share and see how the coaches react. If they are resistant or not willing to work with you, it's time to find a different coach. Kids deserve better.

[Anonymous]

I think if your kids can’t adapt then they need a new activity.

[Anonymous]

Not sure forcing the issue is the right way to go.

[Anonymous]

How old is your kid? I definitely wouldn't do it if my kid didn't agree (though my kid tells most people, including his coaches, about his ADHD).

That said, it's not an excuse, so only do it if your kid agrees and you want his help and encouragment.

[Anonymous]

kid is 11.

[Anonymous]

Say nothing.

You can try to help him on the side but if he can't keep up at a higher sport level the coaches aren't going to adapt for him unfortunately.

You might want to consider a less competitive team that would take his ADHD into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Is there a reason he's not playing on a team that is at his level?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say nothing.

You can try to help him on the side but if he can't keep up at a higher sport level the coaches aren't going to adapt for him unfortunately.

You might want to consider a less competitive team that would take his ADHD into consideration.

+1 My DD has ADHD and has played sports at a highly competitive level for many years. I agree that for competitive sports, unlike school, they are not going to cut the kids any slack. If it was a rec team then you or your child could talk to the coach. For my DD, she has learned to compensate for her lack of focus at times by working harder in areas she has more control over. She keeps her fitness level high by running and training outside of practices, she is diligent about going to all practices she can and informing the coach ahead of time if she can’t make it, and she stays out of any team drama. If your child wants to play at a high level, it will motivate them to do what they need to do to compete. And for ADHD kids, being passionate about something often means they will put much more effort into it.

[Anonymous]

Np here with an ADHD son, 13 yo, who plays on a moderately competitive travel team. I see that my own view is the opposite of what others advise. I would be inclined to suggest mentioning it to the coach.
My DH actually co-coached the team last year so we didn’t have this dilemma. In previous years, we didn’t disclose his ADHD diagnosis because he hadn’t been playing at the competitive travel level and he was performing better than many of his teammates when playing.
I can see that there seems to be a lot more at stake for you than there was for my DS at 11, because he is already on that travel team and he is still at the point where you are actively helping/managing his adhd. I do commend you for being supportive parents.
The reason I suggest possibly telling the coach is that his behavior in practices and “pep talks” might be distracted (or may appear that way) and the coach may interpret this as disrespectful. I know that my kid can be this way. If a coach does not understand ADHD being at play, he might get impatient with your kid for behavior that is not intentional.
The coach may actually “get” ADHD and be totally understanding of your DS’s challenges, and since he was good enough to make the team, the coach could also appreciate that you as parents are keeping on top of your DS’s adhd. My DH, as coach, would have been that way if you told him…he’d say, I get it, I see you are managing it actively to the extent you can, that’s great, etc, and would reach out to you if he thought that your son’s behaviors ever got to the point where something had/could be done. But if he saw that there was a kid manifesting ADHD-type behaviors snd the parents were not even trying to help their kid to address them, my DH coach would have been frustrated and unsure about how the season would go.
But your son’s coach may not be sympathetic to ADHD, in terms of taking it seriously, etc., so for that reason I’d approach it a little more specifically, such as,
Coach, one thing [DS] has been working on is showing more focus during pre-game talks. He is, by nature, a little distractable sometimes so he’s really trying to make more effort at listening in depth so that the he doesn’t think come across as showing disregard for the speaker. If he is not behaving in ways that live up to your expectations, please feel free to let us know so we can reinforce your messages at home.” Frame it as wanting to ensure a parent-coach partnership/dialogue.

[Anonymous]

Yep you get no slack. Your kid either steps up to the plate or he has to deal with the consequences. No one cares about special needs in competitive sports. It’s all about how you perform and no one cares why you can’t. My take on this was that I revealed only when it was a safety issue.

[Anonymous]

We have chosen not to tell the coaches. This is a personal decision but at the end of the day, the coach for a competitive team is out to win and it’s up to your student athlete to use his tools and medications to meet those performance expectations.

[Anonymous]

Don’t tell the coaches! Sorry but what are you hoping to achieve? That they cut your kid some slack? With travel, no one cares about much other than winning. If it is truly a problem, move to a less competitive team and let your kid thrive.

[Anonymous]

DH is a coach of a competitive team. A parent let him know about a similar situation. He did not give the child a “special treatment “but it did help him understand why it seemed like the kid was aloof or didn’t want to be there half the time. What was thought to have been an attitude problem, really wasn’t. It certainly helped. DH also try the kid in a different position with more action and it worked out much better for this kid.

[Anonymous]

Depends a bit on the sport too, as to how the coach is likely to react.

The sports DH and I coached, and that our kids played, don't have any *very* competitive teams at that age. The parents might view it that way, but for most sports travel is fairly equal.