Informing coach about ADHD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is a coach of a competitive team. A parent let him know about a similar situation. He did not give the child a “special treatment “but it did help him understand why it seemed like the kid was aloof or didn’t want to be there half the time. What was thought to have been an attitude problem, really wasn’t. It certainly helped. DH also try the kid in a different position with more action and it worked out much better for this kid.

Thanks. Part of the problem with his old team is that the coach pigeon holed him as a defender, where he often lost focus. He tried out for the new team that plays in a higher division as a forward and was great. The team is plays a nationally competitive schedule and the last thing I want to do is jeopardize his spot because he’s worked so hard to get it, and his identity is all wrapped up in this sport and it is his main source of confidence right now, especially when certain subjects in school are such a struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is a coach of a competitive team. A parent let him know about a similar situation. He did not give the child a “special treatment “but it did help him understand why it seemed like the kid was aloof or didn’t want to be there half the time. What was thought to have been an attitude problem, really wasn’t. It certainly helped. DH also try the kid in a different position with more action and it worked out much better for this kid.

Thanks. Part of the problem with his old team is that the coach pigeon holed him as a defender, where he often lost focus. He tried out for the new team that plays in a higher division as a forward and was great. The team is plays a nationally competitive schedule and the last thing I want to do is jeopardize his spot because he’s worked so hard to get it, and his identity is all wrapped up in this sport and it is his main source of confidence right now, especially when certain subjects in school are such a struggle.

I am the previous PP whose daughter plays soccer competitively. I totally understand where you are coming from when you say his identity is wrapped up in the sport. My DD struggles in school and sports have been so instrumental in building her confidence. Keep in mind, if he stays with the sport, coaches will have different ideas about positions. My daughter has had to play as both a defender and and a forward over the years. You can communicate with the coach and it might help them understand him better, but it won’t guarantee they will keep him on the team. It’s hard, but this is a time when you may need to step back and see how it plays out. Private coaching can help. My DD also started running distance in track and that gave her another place she was successful. And it’s hard to lose focus in competitive races!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is a coach of a competitive team. A parent let him know about a similar situation. He did not give the child a “special treatment “but it did help him understand why it seemed like the kid was aloof or didn’t want to be there half the time. What was thought to have been an attitude problem, really wasn’t. It certainly helped. DH also try the kid in a different position with more action and it worked out much better for this kid.

It’s fantastic that your husband reacted in this way. The problem is that OP has no idea if her child’s coach will do the same, and this is a team he “barely made.” For every coach that is willing to give the child the benefit of the doubt and potentially make adjustments, there is another who doesn’t understand neurodiversity and would make negative snap judgments, underestimate the child’s abilities etc.

[Anonymous]

I would mention it but don't press it. DS had had very negative reactions from coaches when I didn't disclose the diagnosis "looks like he doesn't want to be here" etc. He's young and still navigating his disability. I think we can expect a certain amount of grace from our fellow humans even if he isn't entitled to an accommodation like at school. The coach may be very familiar with adhd- tons of athletes have adhd. If not, here's their opportunity to learn a little.

Oh, also, Michael Phelps has ADHD for the poster above who feels compelled to chime in with ignorant remarks.

[Anonymous]

I’m at this crossroads myself. For those saying sorry not sorry, what an outdated view. Players with adhd might have some challenges but also talk about gifts they can bring to the team!

In our case we would never even want “special treatment” but I think it would be helpful to be aware so as to mitigate misunderstanding about who he is, but unfortunately we pause bc we know there’s such a negative bias towards adhd out there and we don’t know how his coach sees it. And yet, *not* saying anything leads to misunderstanding of who he is, and usually not in a positive way.

In our case the biggest challenge is a part of working memory, which is only really impacted in training. So if a new and complicated drill is introduced and “regular” kids need three instruction repeats, my kid might need five. But once he gets it…wow can he ever work with it in ways no one else can. So if a coach could understand that, then he wouldn’t misinterpret the need for additional repetition as stupidity (he’s actually gifted) or aloofness, or lack of interest…etc.

ADHD is often misunderstood as laziness or lack of interest or other personality/character flaws. It is none of these things and simply being aware of the difference *could* lead coaches to more quickly taking advantage of the many gifts that come along, like creativity, dynamism, complex pattern recognition, intuition, etc.

So yeah. On the fence about being transparent.

[Anonymous]

If your kid can’t play they can’t play. Lots of athletes have special needs. They still have to play and keep up. The coach isn’t a specialist. We have never disclosed and we do in every other setting. If my kid can’t keep up he needs a new team. You have to accept this one.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you have to pull your weight, and…

At least for our DD there are really specific things that help her manage her ADHD that are outside the norm of how practices run. Like she benefits from harder longer runs during warmup to calm her mind and get her focused. She can try to do it casually but it is easier to just let the coach know. It is an example of something that is easy to accommodate but makes a major difference. She really just is wired differently.

[Anonymous]

OP what did you mean “think he was punished last year for being "aloof" and lacking sport-specific IQ.”

“Lacking sport specific IQ”

[Anonymous]

I’d mention it the way I’d mention a history of knee trouble or whatever. “Larlo has ADHD that is well managed. You might notice that he is sometimes inattentive during team meetings. We have him do XYZ to maintain his focus. If you experience challenges with his focus or any other issue please let me know and we’ll work with him on additional strategies. He is thrilled to have joined the team and is really looking forward to the season”

[Anonymous]

We've taken to telling everyone. Just like certain accommodations help in school - getting their attention specifically or repeating something - it helps in all different activities. Maybe not in the moment of the game, but during practice or for you to reinforce outside of practice.