Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
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Anonymous
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DH and I have a delightful and very energetic 4 year old son and I'm hoping to have at least one more. Due to covid and secondary infertility there will be at least a 5 year gap between our children. I am certain I want more kids, but I'm feeling daunted at the idea of starting over when it seems like things are finally starting to get easier and my son can do more for himself (we have very little family help so it's all on us and we rarely get a break).
Anyone else BTDT and have and advice or encouragement? |
Anonymous
| Yes. Our first and second are just shy of being 5 years apart due to secondary infertility. Our daughter wanted a sibling so badly. When our son finally arrived, she was enthralled with him. There’s less competition between them because of the big age gap and gender difference. Their personalities also help, though. Our son is very chill, and our daughter is extremely outgoing and loving. All three of our kids are close. |
Anonymous
| Yes. Ours are 5 years apart because, to be brutally honest, we couldn't afford two in day care at once. But my older kid is just so happy to have a sibling, and I'm so happy to have another baby and now toddler in the house, it's worth it. Wish we could have 3, but that's not in the cards for us. |
Anonymous
| It makes college tuition easier. |
Anonymous
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Mine were five years apart because once I stopped birth control pills it took over a year to get pregnant again. Turned out great though. My five year old was independent, could play outside without direct supervision, could go get me a diaper or a bottle, could play with or feed the baby, and thought she was the best thing ever.
Obviously they had different interests and experiences growing up, also related to one being a boy and the other a girl, but they were still always close and still are as adults. |
Anonymous
| He will be fine and will probably enjoy his sibling more. Honestly though, having a little one again is rough. Think long and hard about it. |
Anonymous
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My son and daughter are 5 years apart. It was a desired age gap because my oldest has special needs and we had a rough start with him. We were able to give each child individual attention as babies and toddlers. They've never been jealous or fought, yet have a close bond. It's been great.
And then I got pregnant again when they were 11 and 16, which would have made a "yikes" age gap... but miscarried. Oh well. |
Anonymous
| My brother is 7 years younger. Obviously we didn’t play together and I was often his authority figure/second mom but as adults we are extremely close. |
Anonymous
| We have a 5 year gap on purpose! It’s great. My eldest is SO helpful and loving. No fighting over toys because they aren’t into the same things. |
Anonymous
| It will be fine - it will be a bit different relationship than you imagined with 2 closer in age, but ia wonderful relationship will develop between them nonetheless. |
Anonymous
+1. Same. Growing up we didn’t have much use for each other. Once my little sister started college we became true friends and I am so grateful to have a sibling. Our mother died after a long battle with Early Onset Alzheimer’s disease and I never could have made it through without my sister. We also live in the same town and our kids go to school together. |
Anonymous
OP here, I said I'm certain I want more kids. I'm aware it won't be easy, but most things worth having aren't easy. Considering we have a secondary infertility diagnosis and are doing IVF, I've thought about it a lot. |
Anonymous
It wasn’t rough for me (4.5 year gap). It was so easy because older one could be left alone to play on the first floor while I put baby down on the second floor. I actually have no idea how people do it when their older one isn’t old enough to be left alone… |
Anonymous
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I have an 8.5 yr old and then five years later a now 3.5 yr old and 1.5 year old.
The younger kids worship the oldest. He’s very sweet to them both but does get tired of them. DH and I have to make a point of doing things just with the older and not make him feel like he’s another parent to the little ones. |
Anonymous
| My kids are 5.5 years apart by choice. They are now 24 and 19, and I can say that I would not have wanted it any different. It's been great. So fab to have a reasonable 7 year-old when your younger is in the terrible twos, so great to have a cuddly 10-year-old when your older kid is in the throes of adolescence. My older kid was pretty self- sufficient when DC2 was a baby, which was nice. Very little sibling rivalry, although they do bicker sometimes. Mostly they get along well and are good friends. |