People who never ask you any questions about yourself

[Anonymous]

We have lived in our neighborhood for over a year now and while it's nice, kids have made friends, I don't feel connected or close to anyone. We are not excluded, have a decent time at backyard parties and other social gatherings, I'm in book clubs, things like that. But I have noticed when we socialize that people don't ask me or DH questions at all. They happily gab on and on about themselves without reciprocating. DH golfs with a few men in the neighborhood and reports the same. Lots of talk about themselves, he asks a lot of questions to try to connect, but it's not returned. I definitely dig deeper so that conversations go beyond small talk with people, and I offer things up but always find the conversation steered back to the other person. I know a LOT about the other families in the neighborhood. Who doesn't like who, whose marriage is on the rocks, where they went to school, their jobs, etc. People tend to confide in me. But there's no way they know anything beyond the basics about me, despite my attempts to offer things up or engage in conversation about topics that might be more relevant to me (which I am starting to feel weird about!). I find it really off-putting and isolating. Our previous neighborhood was very transient so we didn't get to know many people. Among my other social groups - coworkers, childhood and college friends - I think I'm known as chatty and funny, and I have interests that other people seem to enjoy talking about with me, and I don't doubt that it's genuine. My role in this social circle is to fangirl over everyone else. It's shaken my confidence. I'm not exactly an extrovert, but I feel obligated to keep up connections for the sake of our young kids and, frankly, because we want to be a part of the community here. Anyone else experienced something similar?

[Anonymous]

JFC paragraphs OP

[Anonymous]

You moved to a new neighborhood in the thick of Covid when socializing was weird, parents overwhelmed, and the people don’t remember whether they’ve already asked you the common questions before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JFC paragraphs OP

Seriously. I wish people gave their posts a second look before hitting "Submit".

[Anonymous]

You’re looking for too much. Find friends for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have lived in our neighborhood for over a year now and while it's nice, kids have made friends, I don't feel connected or close to anyone. We are not excluded, have a decent time at backyard parties and other social gatherings, I'm in book clubs, things like that. But I have noticed when we socialize that people don't ask me or DH questions at all. They happily gab on and on about themselves without reciprocating. DH golfs with a few men in the neighborhood and reports the same. Lots of talk about themselves, he asks a lot of questions to try to connect, but it's not returned. I definitely dig deeper so that conversations go beyond small talk with people, and I offer things up but always find the conversation steered back to the other person. I know a LOT about the other families in the neighborhood. Who doesn't like who, whose marriage is on the rocks, where they went to school, their jobs, etc. People tend to confide in me. But there's no way they know anything beyond the basics about me, despite my attempts to offer things up or engage in conversation about topics that might be more relevant to me (which I am starting to feel weird about!). I find it really off-putting and isolating. Our previous neighborhood was very transient so we didn't get to know many people. Among my other social groups - coworkers, childhood and college friends - I think I'm known as chatty and funny, and I have interests that other people seem to enjoy talking about with me, and I don't doubt that it's genuine. My role in this social circle is to fangirl over everyone else. It's shaken my confidence. I'm not exactly an extrovert, but I feel obligated to keep up connections for the sake of our young kids and, frankly, because we want to be a part of the community here. Anyone else experienced something similar?

Wtf do you want here? Maybe you look odd and uninteresting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JFC paragraphs OP

LOL

To OP: TL/DR.

[Anonymous]

Yeah,there are a lot of people like that. I have to decide whether whatever else they bring outweighs that.

[Anonymous]

You have a very stunted expectation of how conversations can work. *Should* conversations involve asking the other person questions? Sure, that’s the most polite thing to do.

But most people are kind of assuming that if you’re interested in the general topic, you’ll chime in. If someone mentions their trip to Italy but ***gasp*** doesn’t ask if you’ve been or about your travels, you can open your mouth like a big girl and say, “That sounds amazing. Italy is on my bucket list. We are visiting Ireland later this summer and I am so looking forward to traveling!”

[Anonymous]

Fwiw I feel this exact same way about the people I meet thru my kids elem school. Rarely does anyone ask a single question about me and I tend to ask qs about them because I want to make connections and find it interesting. Who knows. I will say this was the worst when my kids were in preschool — now that we’re several years our parents seem to be a teensy more interested in making connections.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I think your neighbors are a symptom of the same problem demonstrated by PPs above. Your neighbors are what are called bores in prior generations. It is not (necessarily) a character flaw. IIt is most definitely poor social skills, either because they don’t know or don’t care how to connect socially.

People with social skills are all around. They aren’t necessarily the extroverts or loudest people around. They ask questions and show interest in others. You walk away from them thinking what a lovely person they are. You might be one, which is lonely consolation, but better than being a bore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have lived in our neighborhood for over a year now and while it's nice, kids have made friends, I don't feel connected or close to anyone. We are not excluded, have a decent time at backyard parties and other social gatherings, I'm in book clubs, things like that. But I have noticed when we socialize that people don't ask me or DH questions at all. They happily gab on and on about themselves without reciprocating. DH golfs with a few men in the neighborhood and reports the same. Lots of talk about themselves, he asks a lot of questions to try to connect, but it's not returned. I definitely dig deeper so that conversations go beyond small talk with people, and I offer things up but always find the conversation steered back to the other person. I know a LOT about the other families in the neighborhood. Who doesn't like who, whose marriage is on the rocks, where they went to school, their jobs, etc. People tend to confide in me. But there's no way they know anything beyond the basics about me, despite my attempts to offer things up or engage in conversation about topics that might be more relevant to me (which I am starting to feel weird about!). I find it really off-putting and isolating. Our previous neighborhood was very transient so we didn't get to know many people. Among my other social groups - coworkers, childhood and college friends - I think I'm known as chatty and funny, and I have interests that other people seem to enjoy talking about with me, and I don't doubt that it's genuine. My role in this social circle is to fangirl over everyone else. It's shaken my confidence. I'm not exactly an extrovert, but I feel obligated to keep up connections for the sake of our young kids and, frankly, because we want to be a part of the community here. Anyone else experienced something similar?

OP, you seem like a nice, well-adjusted person and someone I'd probably be happy to be friends with. I'm sorry but what you describe is a lot of NWDC and the surrounding suburbs (i.e., CCDC/MD, Bethesda, etc.). People here are clickish, competitive, social climbers and generally not in the habit of making new friends, especially in the more exclusive areas. One thing to ask yourself is, "why do I want to be friends with these people?" It's the reason why we tend to stick to family and friends that we've known for years for this reason. I also think it's harder to make new friends as adults simply because people don't have the time anymore and everything is about the kids. I'd suggest making friends with the parents of your kids' friends. At least, you're more likely to spend time with these folks.

[Anonymous]

This OP is prolific. How many threads about this are we supposed to read?

[Anonymous]

If you aren’t a skilled enough conversationalist to the point where you must wait like a child actor listening for a cue to volunteer information about yourself or steer a conversation, I don’t think we can help you.

[Anonymous]

If you talk in never-ending stories like you write, they avoid asking you questions so that they don’t trigger a monologue.