Why do people who see others poorer than they don't try to help them out professionally?

[Anonymous]

Saw a story years ago that always stuck in my head about a computer programmer who helped a homeless man learn how to program instead of giving him change to buy alcohol and the homeless man earned some money. It's fine if people don't want to help themselves out of poverty but why don't some attempt to help? My mom was a maid and my dad a waiter. We lived paycheck to paycheck because of their poor financial habits and dads secrets. I didn't even have my own bed to sleep in until age 14. My many cousins who had their own beds and rooms saw this and didn't attempt to help my mom or even me when I was older. I relied on comm college counselors advice and it wasnt any good. As a grownup I'm very blunt and direct with people and I try to help. I see someone that I see struggling and I immediately want to give advice. So why don't others? Why so mean?

[Anonymous]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leo_Grand

[Anonymous]

These are two different issues - one is helping homeless people through training and the second is supporting family members.

The issue with homeless people is that getting them into jobs is more complicated than just training them. There are often mental health issues, substance abuse etc. You can’t just teach them to code and then their life moves forward. There is also the challenge in that many won’t be interested in any training being offered.

The second with helping family I feel is less complicated. But of course every family is different. I’m sorry your cousins didn’t support you when you were growing up. I can’t imagine doing that to my own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are two different issues - one is helping homeless people through training and the second is supporting family members.

The issue with homeless people is that getting them into jobs is more complicated than just training them. There are often mental health issues, substance abuse etc. You can’t just teach them to code and then their life moves forward. There is also the challenge in that many won’t be interested in any training being offered.

The second with helping family I feel is less complicated. But of course every family is different. I’m sorry your cousins didn’t support you when you were growing up. I can’t imagine doing that to my own family.

Honestly didn't want handouts just wanted advice to move forward not stay the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saw a story years ago that always stuck in my head about a computer programmer who helped a homeless man learn how to program instead of giving him change to buy alcohol and the homeless man earned some money. It's fine if people don't want to help themselves out of poverty but why don't some attempt to help? My mom was a maid and my dad a waiter. We lived paycheck to paycheck because of their poor financial habits and dads secrets. I didn't even have my own bed to sleep in until age 14. My many cousins who had their own beds and rooms saw this and didn't attempt to help my mom or even me when I was older. I relied on comm college counselors advice and it wasnt any good. As a grownup I'm very blunt and direct with people and I try to help. I see someone that I see struggling and I immediately want to give advice. So why don't others? Why so mean?

Give us some examples of what you have done.

[Anonymous]

Unsolicited advice is always about your ego, not to help the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saw a story years ago that always stuck in my head about a computer programmer who helped a homeless man learn how to program instead of giving him change to buy alcohol and the homeless man earned some money. It's fine if people don't want to help themselves out of poverty but why don't some attempt to help? My mom was a maid and my dad a waiter. We lived paycheck to paycheck because of their poor financial habits and dads secrets. I didn't even have my own bed to sleep in until age 14. My many cousins who had their own beds and rooms saw this and didn't attempt to help my mom or even me when I was older. I relied on comm college counselors advice and it wasnt any good. As a grownup I'm very blunt and direct with people and I try to help. I see someone that I see struggling and I immediately want to give advice. So why don't others? Why so mean?

Kind hearted people get burned a lot and that is why they may not extend themselves. Sometimes people feel that because nobody helped them, they don’t need to help anyone. In my case, I choose to volunteer my time and resources in more constructive ways through more formalized programs/non profit organizations.

I grew up in a similar situation as you did. I had to work hard and figure things out on my own when no one offered to help. Despite this, many times I have helped less fortunate or poorer friends/family financially but the next step is getting people to change bad habits or do the necessary work/sacrifice to save or train for better positions. This is when the deeper problems get exposed. People say they will do xyz, but when the opportunity is presented they don’t want to do the hard work or find excuses. It is frustrating as someone who wants to help watch the self sabotage. Many times you get pulled into drama and stressful situations that can cause you to lose focus on what you need to do for yourself and family. Now, if I see someone willing to learn and do the work I will do my best to help them especially if they are willing to pay it forward. Many times it’s the selfish mindset that keeps people from helping each other (e.g. poor families working together to buy a house or send children to school). This seems to be what a lot of immigrant families do to build wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unsolicited advice is always about your ego, not to help the other person.

NP. This isn't true in some cases.

[Anonymous]

I am often shocked how many people don’t work to help even good friends professionally. If a good friend needs work in my area I work so hard to help. My husbands friends never do and I find it so so odd

[Anonymous]

I gave advice to my younger cousins who grew up very different from me. I told them stay in school, graduate. Don’t do drugs. They didn’t listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are two different issues - one is helping homeless people through training and the second is supporting family members.

The issue with homeless people is that getting them into jobs is more complicated than just training them. There are often mental health issues, substance abuse etc. You can’t just teach them to code and then their life moves forward. There is also the challenge in that many won’t be interested in any training being offered.

The second with helping family I feel is less complicated. But of course every family is different. I’m sorry your cousins didn’t support you when you were growing up. I can’t imagine doing that to my own family.

I would have to agree with this about the homeless. Teaching anyone to code, even with a two-month "bootcamp" isn't going to result in a programmer. Leo is proof of that, since he is currently still homeless, despite having developed an app. He has other problems besides not knowing how to code. Second, coding isn't something you learn in two months unless you have a very simple problem you need to solve (which has probably been solved already.) Today's problems generally require a multidisciplinary approach. Two months isn't going to teach you the background mathematics and statistics you need to become a decent programmer. Lastly, we have enough bad programmers. We don't need more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saw a story years ago that always stuck in my head about a computer programmer who helped a homeless man learn how to program instead of giving him change to buy alcohol and the homeless man earned some money. It's fine if people don't want to help themselves out of poverty but why don't some attempt to help? My mom was a maid and my dad a waiter. We lived paycheck to paycheck because of their poor financial habits and dads secrets. I didn't even have my own bed to sleep in until age 14. My many cousins who had their own beds and rooms saw this and didn't attempt to help my mom or even me when I was older. I relied on comm college counselors advice and it wasnt any good. As a grownup I'm very blunt and direct with people and I try to help. I see someone that I see struggling and I immediately want to give advice. So why don't others? Why so mean?

OP, what advice would you have wanted your mom to receive? Leave your dad? Find a better job? Do you know that your aunts and uncles didn't try to advise your mom?

People don't listen, OP. Go on and dispense your advice but prepare for zero changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saw a story years ago that always stuck in my head about a computer programmer who helped a homeless man learn how to program instead of giving him change to buy alcohol and the homeless man earned some money. It's fine if people don't want to help themselves out of poverty but why don't some attempt to help? My mom was a maid and my dad a waiter. We lived paycheck to paycheck because of their poor financial habits and dads secrets. I didn't even have my own bed to sleep in until age 14. My many cousins who had their own beds and rooms saw this and didn't attempt to help my mom or even me when I was older. I relied on comm college counselors advice and it wasnt any good. As a grownup I'm very blunt and direct with people and I try to help. I see someone that I see struggling and I immediately want to give advice. So why don't others? Why so mean?

OP, what advice would you have wanted your mom to receive? Leave your dad? Find a better job? Do you know that your aunts and uncles didn't try to advise your mom?

People don't listen, OP. Go on and dispense your advice but prepare for zero changes.

Yes. She asked for advice and help in leaving my dad a few times and was turned down by my aunt. My aunt was a stay at home mom and her only sister. She didn't get the push she needed. Now she thinks she's too old to do anything. I actually haven't been given any advice except for my mom and I do take it to heart and listen to it. Other people never offer advice unless asked and even then they seem to hesitate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are two different issues - one is helping homeless people through training and the second is supporting family members.

The issue with homeless people is that getting them into jobs is more complicated than just training them. There are often mental health issues, substance abuse etc. You can’t just teach them to code and then their life moves forward. There is also the challenge in that many won’t be interested in any training being offered.

The second with helping family I feel is less complicated. But of course every family is different. I’m sorry your cousins didn’t support you when you were growing up. I can’t imagine doing that to my own family.

I would have to agree with this about the homeless. Teaching anyone to code, even with a two-month "bootcamp" isn't going to result in a programmer. Leo is proof of that, since he is currently still homeless, despite having developed an app. He has other problems besides not knowing how to code. Second, coding isn't something you learn in two months unless you have a very simple problem you need to solve (which has probably been solved already.) Today's problems generally require a multidisciplinary approach. Two months isn't going to teach you the background mathematics and statistics you need to become a decent programmer. Lastly, we have enough bad programmers. We don't need more.

Agree but it's a step up from the depression leo may need to get out of. There are people past 40 who are learning programming and I applaud them. Go for it. Life is short and don't let no one tell you you can't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are two different issues - one is helping homeless people through training and the second is supporting family members.

The issue with homeless people is that getting them into jobs is more complicated than just training them. There are often mental health issues, substance abuse etc. You can’t just teach them to code and then their life moves forward. There is also the challenge in that many won’t be interested in any training being offered.

The second with helping family I feel is less complicated. But of course every family is different. I’m sorry your cousins didn’t support you when you were growing up. I can’t imagine doing that to my own family.

I would have to agree with this about the homeless. Teaching anyone to code, even with a two-month "bootcamp" isn't going to result in a programmer. Leo is proof of that, since he is currently still homeless, despite having developed an app. He has other problems besides not knowing how to code. Second, coding isn't something you learn in two months unless you have a very simple problem you need to solve (which has probably been solved already.) Today's problems generally require a multidisciplinary approach. Two months isn't going to teach you the background mathematics and statistics you need to become a decent programmer. Lastly, we have enough bad programmers. We don't need more.

Agree but it's a step up from the depression leo may need to get out of. There are people past 40 who are learning programming and I applaud them. Go for it. Life is short and don't let no one tell you you can't do it.

I don't know Leo and can only speculate, but I suspect he is still suffering from depression. Leo still chooses homelessness. Learning to code doesn't fix mental illness.