Would you ever have a move out talk after graduating

[Anonymous]

DS graduated college in 2018, been working since then making over 60k, should we ever have the talk if he wants to move out he can?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS graduated college in 2018, been working since then making over 60k, should we ever have the talk if he wants to move out he can?

Is he paying? Do you want him to move out? What does he want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS graduated college in 2018, been working since then making over 60k, should we ever have the talk if he wants to move out he can?

Is he paying? Do you want him to move out? What does he want?

Rent free, we never talked about it wondering when we should start talking about. He's 26

[Anonymous]

Wait, you think you need to say to him that if he wants to move out, HE CAN? Your approach is bizarre and backwards.

[Anonymous]

I'd make him devise a plan for buying a home (house or condo). How much is he saving toward downpayment? He should be setting aside a big chunk of money each month for that. He should have a goal of buying a home within two years.

Is he dating? How does he get laid living at home?

[Anonymous]

How is his social life? Is he living like an adult or like someone who still operates as a child within the family unit?

[Anonymous]

Need more context. Is he saving money or spending the money he would have paid for rent? Is he socializing? Does he want to socialize? Is living at home preventing him from socializing the way you think he should, including dating? Is he a responsible housemate? For example, does he do his own laundry, and cook and clean? What is his career path? Is he planning to go back to school and saving money for that? Does he have any disabilities (physical or emotional) that mean he needs more family support? Do you want him to move out? Do you think it would be better for him? For you?

[Anonymous]

I think it totally depends. Do you think this is a failure to launch and its holding him back in some way? Or is he making a sound financial decision that it's silly to pay the ridiculous rents in this area when he can live with you and then save up to actually buy. Historically and in many cultures, it was not unusual for working adult children to live with parents --- we kind of got spoiled in America thinking everyone should have their own place even if they really don't need one. If he's living with you, I would definitely make sure he is contributing around the household and not taking advantage, though. I wouldn't make him pay rent just for the sake of it, but if I thought ht was just using my house so that he could spend more on beer and video game equipment, then I would make him pay rent.

[Anonymous]

Unless this young man has high-functioning autism or another socio-communication disorder, shouldn't this already have come up before, in an organic manner?

My friends and I lived in a large city and commuted to our university, but we all had goals of moving out at some point, and our parents were fine with whatever we chose. Conversation happened naturally as soon as we chose to stay home and commute to uni.

[Anonymous]

Because OP has failed to provide more context, which would likely have resolved the obvious follow-up questions above, I call troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because OP has failed to provide more context, which would likely have resolved the obvious follow-up questions above, I call troll.

Not every poster is a troll, you troll.

[Anonymous]

I assume he knows he can move out, but if he is saving up to buy a place or some other plans it may make sense to stay home for a while. I'm also curious why you don't know his plans all these years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS graduated college in 2018, been working since then making over 60k, should we ever have the talk if he wants to move out he can?

Is he paying? Do you want him to move out? What does he want?

Rent free, we never talked about it wondering when we should start talking about. He's 26

Well, I think you should definitely start the conversation and discuss what his long-term plan is and how he will transition out of current situation. I personally wouldn't mind my kid staying with me as long as that supports his plan (i.e., saving money to buy house, for example). Also, I would make him pay monthly payment (you can save it and give it to him when he moves out if you want or keep it) and help out household duties while he is with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because OP has failed to provide more context, which would likely have resolved the obvious follow-up questions above, I call troll.

Not every poster is a troll, you troll.

A lot of posts spinning wheels in various possible directions due to OP providing no context whatsoever. No context is almost always a teenager who doesn't realize they need to provide context or a troll who wants to stir the pot by laying out what sounds like an egregious scenario but could have perfectly reasonable explanation.

Happy to provide input if OP returns to provide the needed context.

[Anonymous]

If not a troll, it is bizarre to me that they've NEVER had a conversation about this. Like he graduated from college, got a job, moved back home (or reverse order there) and then entered a new phase where he just lives there in his childhood bedroom, all with no discussion of how long this arrangement might last or what plans he (or his parents!) might have in the near future.

I could see this maybe happening if he lived at home through college, but that's pretty rare these days. You see it with immigrant families where that's normal in home countries (and where doing so can make going to a 4 year college appealing, though many 4 year colleges won't even let you do this). So I just don't understand how he moves back in with his parents with no discussion about the future.

I guess Covid could have influenced this. But even then, there would be a conversation. Maybe the plan was a year or two but then Covid happened right as he would have been starting to move out and the timing didn't make sense. But again, you'd assume there would be conversations along the line of "I know I was originally going to get my own place this summer but would you mind if we postponed 6-12 months to see what happens with Covid/WFH/the housing market, etc.?"

I can easily imagine my DD living with us for years post-college graduation, as there are lots of good reasons for this and we get along well and honestly, I'd love the extra time with her. But I can't imagine going 4 years in that situation without having multiple conversations about the situation, how it's working, if it should keep going and for how long, and what the financial allocations are (not just rent, but stuff like contributing to bills, buying food, etc.).

I also wonder about socializing/dating. I can't imagine living with my parents at 26 because I was going out with friends a lot, dating a lot, and it would have been disruptive for both of us to try and make our lives work together.

Anyway, if this is a troll, they've successfully provoked me I guess. I'm not mad, just bewildered.