How to tell sahd he needs to get a part time job

[Anonymous]

Sahd takes kids to and from
School. And makes dinner. Other than that his chores Go undone and he spends three majority of his time on the couch playing video games. I work full time and am tired of watching him sit around when our expenses are growing and we can’t keep up with inflation and I am losing my mind doing my job house chores kids stuff etc and he does nothing. I want him to get a part time job because he clearly has the time for it. How to broach?

[Anonymous]

broach it from the we need the money angle, not the you are a lazy toad angle.

[Anonymous]

I did! And his response was oh we need to spend less

[Anonymous]

But I will try again I think that’s the only way to get to the next level without causing friction and drama

[Anonymous]

He needs a list of what he needs to achieve during the day. He clearly has learned that if he doesn't do the stuff you will do it. Some guys are jerks like that. If I hadn't seen it with a friend (the guy is the friend and told me about it like it was some genius move) I wouldn't have believed it.

[Anonymous]

I could not live like this, OP.

Some questions-

Does he have depression?

Does he have a degree/degrees?

What did he do before he was a SAHD?

[Anonymous]

Here are all the chores that need to be done. We need to split them. How do you think we can split them fairly? Right now you take the kids to school and back, and cook dinner. I clean up from dinner, do all laundry, pack lunches, make breakfast, clean the kitchen, clean the bathrooms, shovel the walk, mow the lawn, dust the house, vacuum the house, etc. What do you think would be fair?

Also, here are all the things we're paying for, compared to my income. Show me where we can cut back. Should I buy fewer tampons? We could all skip dinner three times a week. You could take the kids to school in a wagon so we save on gas. Where else do you think we should cut back?

[Anonymous]

How long has he been a SAHD? Honestly, I would prefer he work full time and outsource the driving.

[Anonymous]

Why is he not working? Did you agree one parent would be home?

I’d make a plan for summer since he likely needs to be home now if you do not have care lined up. For short-term, I’d do what others suggested and list at all chores ( meals, grocery, laundry, lawn, bathrooms, etc) and then have him commit. Depending on dc age could also assign them a few tasks. Explain you are overwhelmed and need help.

Next, I would discuss how to support him beginning to look for pt work as it will take a while. I am a dw and while I absolutely can understand how one can, and might want to stay home, once dc are in school the sah parent can absolutely find at least some work. I am saying this for those that need/ want the money.

I went back pt because I really wanted to but I have many sah friends who did not. However, most did not need the money. One or two did/do ( as they complain about lack of) but always had an excuse. For those who always have an excuse, you have to try and drill down to find out what’s really the issue.

I could never not work if my family needed the money. I am also very organized and disciplined so sah was not hard for me in terms of housekeeping but I felt I needed something more.

I hope you can resolve this. Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

Oh how different this would be if this was a husband complaining about a wife

A chore list would be considered abusive!

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure a part time job would correct this as you would then likely have to hire a babysitter/ driver for school runs and to do dinner and he still isn't likely to do chores

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh how different this would be if this was a husband complaining about a wife

A chore list would be considered abusive!

'

Bc you know so many ladies who just sit around playing video games on the couch for hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did! And his response was oh we need to spend less

smart guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh how different this would be if this was a husband complaining about a wife

A chore list would be considered abusive!

It's called double standard!!

[Anonymous]

I'd say, "I've noticed that you're choosing not to do [specific chores] but you have time to play video games. I feel like this isn't fair to me because I'm working full time and I definitely don't have time to do those chores. Do you want to get a part time job to pay for someone else to do them or will you do them 100% of the time from now on? Or do you have another solution that will get everything taken care of?"

And then stare at him until he says something acceptable.