How to parent this moment: specific example
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Anonymous
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Child is almost 7. He’s using the iPad. It has a timer set on it and I wanted to know how much time was left.
I asked politely and nicely, “Larlo, can you swipe down to see how much time is left?” “NO! It interrupts my game!” I breath, relax. I ask again, “I just want to know the time, please”. “nO! Why would I do that? No!” “Ok, if you don’t look at the timer now, I will take it.” “No! Mama! No! Stop this! I’m playing!” Soooooo I take it, he screams, screams, screams. I try to stay calm, he screams “you didn’t even warn me!” Help. |
Anonymous
| You need to keep track of the time yourself. If it really does interrupt the game, you're being unreasonable here. |
Anonymous
| He loses it for the rest of the day for the way he spoke to you. Having said that, if he gets limited time, set a timer on Alexa or something so you can check time without disturbing him. |
Anonymous
| He has limited time already and you sucked the joy out of that time. |
Anonymous
| Although your actions here are indeed questionable, as a general rule any time a conflict with screens devolves into screaming I take away the screens for a couple of days. I really do think they make the kids into somewhat irritable little jerks. |
Anonymous
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"The ipad is something we share as a family and it's a privilege that you get to play games on it. If you're not able to share it nicely and help me out by telling me how much time is left it will go away until tomorrow and you can try again then."
And then follow-through if he fails to show you the timer. You could add if you want "I'll set my timer on my phone for 30 seconds so you have some warning before pausing your game. When the bell rings please show me timer on the ipad." |
Anonymous
+100 And does it really matter when the time is up? It's not like he's going to merrily get off sooner. And you can't estimate? |
Anonymous
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I do see his side that if his time is limited, it is annoying that you expect him to stop to give you information that does not really matter assuming you have already approved him using the time.
The consequence for not listening to you was fine but the request was maybe unfair to start with. |
Anonymous
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Next time, let me pester you over and over again as to when you're going to stop reading and posting and scrolling dcum during your me-time.
See how it feels? |
Anonymous
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It interrupts the game! Have some respect for your child's endeavors.
Only half-kidding. I remember so well how frustrating it was when my mother used to interrupt my Game Gear time, right when I was tussling with the last villain and about to level up. When the timer rings, you take the tablet away. Before that, stop bothering him if he's in the middle of something. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
This is exactly why I posted. I can’t gauge if I was in the wrong to bother him, or I should’ve set another timer. Or he’s rude. Or both. |
Anonymous
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There are legitimately games where swiping the timer will make you lose the game/level. If he's playing that kind of game then you need to just say "after you finish the level, please let me know how much time is left."
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Anonymous
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I do not ask my kids to do things unless I'm prepared for them to say no. I tell them to do things. I also never give more than ten minutes. So I wouldn't let them have a game that takes longer than ten minutes to complete, to avoid the issue you had.
Right now, I'd take the iPad away for a week or two. I'd tell DS that he needs to do what he's told, WHEN he's told and if he doesn't there will be consequences he won't like. |
Anonymous
| You both behaved badly But he's only 7 and I'm assuming you're at least in your 20s. |
Anonymous
Both. But iPads are crack to young brains, so they can’t calmly contemplate the end of their supply. |