Partner (DH) who can't hack it AND is disrespectful

[Anonymous]

Just here to vent. Long story short, DH is woefully inadequate in every department (please don't lecture on "why did you marry him - we are beyond that"). The weight of parenting, breadwinning, running the household, scheduling social events, and other big adult responsibilities fall on me.

So not only is DH unable to recognize that I DO IT ALL, he also has no ability to support me or DC emotionally. Recently, I have been extra stressed with additional balls in the air related to work, finances (buying a house without any help financially from DH nor any assistance with paperwork, etc) and kid's end-of-the-year stuff. Instead of trying to support me, DH decides it is a good idea to tell me I am "acting crazy" and talk to him too much about my problems. Would that push you over the edge? Because it did for me and I exploded at him - which I suppose proved his point that I was acting crazed.

Please no lectures here, thanks, I just needed a vent. And yes, a separation is in the making for years now in case you were curious.

[Anonymous]

poor guy. let him go.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a rough time. He is very aware of your contempt for him and that causes him to retreat further.
I think I recognize your writing, you’ve been on here before with similar complaints, am I right?

[Anonymous]

Don't buy a house with him before a divorce - he's going to get half your assets and then you'll be stretched too thin keeping the house. Divorce first, then buy based on your new financial situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a rough time. He is very aware of your contempt for him and that causes him to retreat further.
I think I recognize your writing, you’ve been on here before with similar complaints, am I right?

Ha, maybe it was me, maybe there are a lot of us.

So to the immediate prior PP, we are not actually married so I am not worried about the asset piece. But thank you for the advice.

[Anonymous]

You, uh, kinda do sound crazy tbh.

[Anonymous]

Does he work or is he a SAHP?

[Anonymous]

If he knows you will criticize and point out deficiencies it would only make him more reluctant to take things on, back off a bit and be OK with 40-50% for a while and you’ll see that things will greatly improve.
Although it shouldn’t be this is a management issue, back off, let him get up to speed and you’ll have a real partner but huffing and taking tasks away from him isn’t going to get you anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Is he bringing anything to the table?

You might be happier divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he knows you will criticize and point out deficiencies it would only make him more reluctant to take things on, back off a bit and be OK with 40-50% for a while and you’ll see that things will greatly improve.
Although it shouldn’t be this is a management issue, back off, let him get up to speed and you’ll have a real partner but huffing and taking tasks away from him isn’t going to get you anywhere.

this is great advice. if you take it, you are not crazy! If you find yourself arguing with it, then it might be time to reflect on yourself

[Anonymous]

If you’re NOT EVEN MARRIED throw that fish back, girl. The relationship is doomed by your contempt anyway, warranted or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't buy a house with him before a divorce - he's going to get half your assets and then you'll be stretched too thin keeping the house. Divorce first, then buy based on your new financial situation.

Good advice as from the sounds of it she'll owe him alimony and child support. She thinks she is resentful now? Man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a rough time. He is very aware of your contempt for him and that causes him to retreat further.
I think I recognize your writing, you’ve been on here before with similar complaints, am I right?

Ha, maybe it was me, maybe there are a lot of us.

So to the immediate prior PP, we are not actually married so I am not worried about the asset piece. But thank you for the advice.

You call him DH and say “don’t ask why I married him”. I don’t understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't buy a house with him before a divorce - he's going to get half your assets and then you'll be stretched too thin keeping the house. Divorce first, then buy based on your new financial situation.

Good advice as from the sounds of it she'll owe him alimony and child support. She thinks she is resentful now? Man.

Oh, didn't see that she said they aren't married. She'd likely still owe child support though.

[Anonymous]

Story doesn't make sense. too many inconsistencies