When my in laws visit, I feel like the visitor in my house

[Anonymous]

Holed up in my room because I don’t want to hear the same stories over and over again. Ugh. GO AWAY.

[Anonymous]

You need to be the better human and be a gracious host. You sound self-centered and rude.

[Anonymous]

Try asking them about things. "Giggles, what was your college experience like? Did you live on campus?" "Duff, where were you stationed in the military? Are you still friends with any of the people you met there?"

Then they'll tell you new stories.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. We had the in-laws over for dinner yesterday, and MIL talked about Kevin, who was the most handsome boy in her youngest child’s class, for a while, which was OK. But 45 minutes later we were still talking about Kevin, and his life choices, and his siblings’ life choices, and how one of Kevin’s next door neighbors is an investment banker while the other is a drug addict. I have no clue why she finds any of this interesting given that she hasn’t laid eyes on Kevin for 20+ years.

When they came to watch our kid’s game today, I enlisted a couple of other parents to sit on either side of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try asking them about things. "Giggles, what was your college experience like? Did you live on campus?" "Duff, where were you stationed in the military? Are you still friends with any of the people you met there?"

Then they'll tell you new stories.

Agree, or you tell them stories. They are trying to connect with you, and you are hiding like they are trying to sell you something.

The best advice my husband gave to me when his mom was visiting is for me to be myself. Not to get defensive, or quiet, or withdrawn. "Be yourself, that's who I fell and love with and can easily defend. When you act different, I don't know what to make of it." Since then I've relaxed, and she had the choice to accept me or not visit. Similarly, I have accepted her for who she is and just moved on with life. I even keep my routine if they are visiting more than just a weekend. Which means going to the gym, for walks, any chores, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We had the in-laws over for dinner yesterday, and MIL talked about Kevin, who was the most handsome boy in her youngest child’s class, for a while, which was OK. But 45 minutes later we were still talking about Kevin, and his life choices, and his siblings’ life choices, and how one of Kevin’s next door neighbors is an investment banker while the other is a drug addict. I have no clue why she finds any of this interesting given that she hasn’t laid eyes on Kevin for 20+ years.

When they came to watch our kid’s game today, I enlisted a couple of other parents to sit on either side of me.

I want to know more about Kevin. I'd love to deep dive into his social media accounts.

[Anonymous]

Why are DCUM women so mean and nasty about their in laws? It really says a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try asking them about things. "Giggles, what was your college experience like? Did you live on campus?" "Duff, where were you stationed in the military? Are you still friends with any of the people you met there?"

Then they'll tell you new stories.

Agree, or you tell them stories. They are trying to connect with you, and you are hiding like they are trying to sell you something.

The best advice my husband gave to me when his mom was visiting is for me to be myself. Not to get defensive, or quiet, or withdrawn. "Be yourself, that's who I fell and love with and can easily defend. When you act different, I don't know what to make of it." Since then I've relaxed, and she had the choice to accept me or not visit. Similarly, I have accepted her for who she is and just moved on with life. I even keep my routine if they are visiting more than just a weekend. Which means going to the gym, for walks, any chores, etc.

Nope. I have learned not to give ammo and do gray rock around mine. If I mention we saw my mom too many times, we will hear about it later. It could be several months, but at some point there will be a blow up about how we hate my MIL and only ever spend time with my mom. She is keeping score. One time she brought up how mad she was about the way we purchased our own vehicle with our own money FOUR YEARS AFTER THE FACT. We are financially independent from her and she was mad we didn't a) ask her advice and b) follow her advice. She is a financial MESS.

So yes, after getting caught up in enough "got-chas" from her, I tell her the bare minimum. Yes, she thinks we are uptight and IDGAF.

[Anonymous]

Just do your best, and it’s OK to take breaks. It’s also OK to leave them to your husband. My ILs like to stay up “chatting” until 11:30 p.m. about the exact same things they’ve been “chatting” about with us for decades.

The first night they arrive, I stay up and chat with them. After that, I consider time spent during the day to be more than enough hostess in. So after my kids go to bed at 9, I come downstairs, set up the coffee, say goodnight, and go to bed to watch Netflix and go to sleep early.

DH at first was upset that “he had to entertain them,” but I said they get one night of entertainment and after that, they are visiting family who are free to make themselves comfortable, and if he wants to entertain, that’s on him. We have magazines and WiFi so I don’t feel the need to entertain grown adults beyond one night.

[Anonymous]

Me too OP!

[Anonymous]

You are very rude op.

[Anonymous]

Errands

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are very rude op.

+1

People like OP are very immature and poorly raised. I feel bad for her DH who ended up married to her. Ugh! Ugly humans.

[Anonymous]

It’s annoying but honestly fairly typical of older people. My grandparents did it, my parents and aunts/uncles and IL’s do it now. It could always be worse, at least it’s just the same stories and not them being actively antagonistic. I think you do one night of politely smiling and nodding and then you’re ok to just “go to bed a little early, have a good night!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are very rude op.

+1

People like OP are very immature and poorly raised. I feel bad for her DH who ended up married to her. Ugh! Ugly humans.

NP
Simmer down. Ugly human? You don’t get out much, do you?